DH asking back jewels on demand cos of MIL

Dear ICY

I have read your other posts too... and I am aware of your routine family issues.

My sincere advice to you is, please do not rush for babies now. Its a big responsibility and being pregnant in a problematic marriage life is very difficult.

How old are you?
If you are already over 30 yrs.. and have health issues like PCOD, over weight, irregular periods etc... then you should think about your pregnancy now with a support of a Gyneac. Because no doctor will advice you to postpone your first pregnancy while you are having all such issues (age, health issues etc...) and it will untimately complicate your pregnancy.

But if you do not have any of those issues, then wait until you properly settle in your marriage life. Do not bring a new life into this mess. I am sure you won't be able to handle that.

Coming to your current problem......

If the jewels are gifted to you, then you must keep them at your place or at your bank locker. Not with your ILs and not with your parents.
You and your DH are adult enough to get married, so you should be adult enough to take care of your jewels too. Your parents shouldn't involve in this matter.

I really don't know why your dad has taken all your jewels and kept them in India while you all stay in UAE. Whatever the reasons, you should inform your dad to bring the jewels back and give them to you.
Inform your MIL that you have taken necessary steps to get your jewels back.
This is not your MIL's fault, not your DH's fault - so do not complain. Try to understand and analyse the problem and make decisions accordingly.

The second major problem is your DH's mood swings and his time spending with his FOO. It is really bad.

I guess, your DH must have felt irritated or uncomfortable with your constant naging (I can understand why do you nag... But pls try to reduce/stop for your own bettermant).
Also, do not lock your self in your bed room and expect your DH to start romance with you while your ILs are still watching TV in the main room. Why don't you sit with everyone and watch the TV programme as a family??? Then slowly they will involve you in their family discussions.

I don't think your MIL and FIL also watch TV till 3.am. If not, you can sit with them until a reasonable time (say..10 or 11 pm), then go to bed with everyone. That time your DH wouldn't feel embarassed to have romance with you as no one would be noticing you guys.

Frankly I can't imagine my self having intimacy with my DH while I am having this much issues and misunderstanding... I think your DH too thinks the same.

First try to analyse your problems... Do not complain your MIL for everything...
As far as I know, most of your problems have been created by you or your parents... The current problems (jewels and DH's time spending) too no exceptions. So, you need to change, and work hard to solve your problems. The less you complain, the more you feel secure and happy.

 

Icy, you're doing a good job and I feel sad for your plight...
Moving forward you have 2 options:

1) Enroll with a lawyer to do the needful, since you're trying to communicate to your DH what you want .. he says YES but like a dog's tail bends towards his mother's wishes... it goes the same for me... only difference this nonsense started after I concieved/ delivered.

2) Enroll with a fertility clinic to concieve cos babies can't be made with a monthly encounter on day suitable for MIL and her mood and loads of tortures on your head.

shldi stay longer or go back?
Depends on what you want in life.. there's no direct pill that can be fed to DH that he starts loving you or a pill for inlaws to stop speaking against you, if you can carry on with this low level profile.. go back to DH's home cos he's not coming around wagging tails behind you... whether you like it or no.
If you think you deserve more than this then go ahead and take the risk but whatever it is dont get panicky but take a strong stand.

 

Icy, why do you love your husband so much? Is it because of the bond called marriage or because you love him as a person? You seem to be very sincere to him and very open, but they are not reciprocating.

 

hi,
if watching movie till late night is affecting ur life style, then why dont u try pulling out some wire/ knob or two of the idiot box so that u can get some time before the TV is fixed up. if you do this at least twice within a span of three months a nd utilise their time without TV in a useful manner i.e. taking dh out with u or spend time with him pleasantly it shall start the road to making a bond between the two of you.
try and good luck to you

 

Icy, first you must be emotionally very strong. Don't become desperate in a relationship. If people are good human beings they will not make the loved ones cry or feel unsecured.

You first become strong and think whether your husband deserves you, your love, your adjustments, sacrifices and the torture of your mil.

 

Hello
From a single post of yours on the topic ‘Who does What’ got me all confused as I could smell something wrong with your family life. Later I happened to find this recent post of yours coming up under ‘recent threads’ title (did not go through all your posts) and could not help but respond. I really feel sad for you and am concerned about how you take it forth..

Your DH is not at all strong enough to take a decision on his own, nor can he take control of the situations by himself. So you need to be bold and act. Don’t always depend on your parents to solve out your problems for you. The only person who has to listen to your problems and sort them out is your DH.

Your Inlaws have already lived their lives and if now they are interfering in your lives and creating a mess, that ‘coz of their over possessiveness which is now ruining their son’s life. Your DH is seems to be least aware of the fact as he is and always had been a ‘mamma’s boy’.

You love your DH to the core but to be loved and accepted by him you can’t be bearing all the insults and live like a slave. Now I think your DH needs to change.. When you get to talk to him, tell him / mail him to note down his priorities in life(you too sort out your priorities and let him know)..

Ask him – is this the way you wanted to live your life? How good a husband do you think you are? What are your expectations from your wife? What changes he/you are ready to make to be able to lead a better life? About intimacy issue and spening some more time with you (be careful not to make a comparison here abt the time spend with his parents or anything of that sort).. all this you may not find time to talk to him (due to MIL intereference). So better write a letter / mail and ask him to reply his own views (not considering what his mom’s opionion would be).

About having a baby..do you feel this is the right time for it? I’ll say NO. First sort out things, create an evironment for a new soul then you may think about conceiving.
By the way are you not interested in taking up a job? Atleast then you could have stayed away from all this mess for a while and had peace of mind. (hey thts just my thought)

Hope you'll be able to sort it out asap.. but you need to be real strong. Always Believe: You have all the right to demand what you need from your husband. husband's gift to wife (be it jewels or anything else) need not be returned on ILs demand is what i strongly feel. Let him know in an assertive tone that "you'll get rid of all the gifts he gave once he is ready to get rid of you" (hope he won't do that:hide "otherwise they'll all go with you both till the end of your lives"
Good Luck and the Very Best Wishes