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DH asking back jewels on demand cos of MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by icyspicy, Jun 1, 2010.

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  1. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    last time when we went to india we faced problem in customs in the airport...so we brought only small jewels...n kept the big ones there....my parents would be going to india this year as always and will get back their jewels n will return it to them
     
  2. raha256

    raha256 Bronze IL'ite

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    your pbm is intimacy. clearly tell this to ur DH in a very romantic voice. dont nag on that. when he is watching movies call him to the room as if u want to talk something. pour sex in ur tone. noone can resist such a romantic wife.

    yesterday my DH did the same thing. Watching movie :rant. i called him and slept on his top. how will he push me down? we had a very good time with giggles and loooots more. infact i thought of putting this in fun thread by mstrue.

    go sexy. u'll get it.
     
  3. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    thnx raha....i was scared to do tht in front of his mom but i guess i will try it and i hope things work out.....

    i am scared if she would advise her son against me cos sumtimes he listens to her and he himself avoids intimacy by telling his ailing health frequently....she had advised him ...1st u both get along and let her get trained in obeying you u should scold her when she dosent listen to you.....she advises all this...and if kids happen they will be only ours and she should live according to our rules only ......i do everything in the house from cooking to washing all dishes to cleaning to even bending to their rules sometimes....but i want some space and freedom when i ask for it its tht time when she flares up and complains abt me to her son ....then he takes the revenge out in the form of being less intimate cos he knows his om is displeased with me......i dont mind other problems she makes but i dont want my dh to mix it up with our intmacy...she also asks her son if v r staying i n the room for long time....n tht we shld not do it when they r at home....so her son gets scared and changes his shceduled for her ....then he comes late and avoids by refusing to me indirectly .....i dont know how to turn him towards me
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Icy, if I leave other issues but consider the over involvement of your MIL same as mine.. dictating her son what to speak what to do, where to go, which job to join etc etc... how long to watch TV with her.. and once a month SEX ok to produce baby but reproduce.

    Can you pls reconsider this marriage? When inlaws start deciding on personal life of their son or daughter their respective spouses are left scorned... these situations wont change even after a child... if you're ready for a long battle and detachement from child as well, at times even I go crazy.. will you be able to handle it?

    Your recent posts did tell about the changes that you've implemented in yourself, however your inlaws are now bent to not to change.
     
  5. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    My weakness is the Love for my husband....i simply cant forget him and the good times we spent...i dont mind tolerating my mils behaviour as long as my dh does not listen to her just in matter of privacy and spending time with me.....i am ready to even liten to her insults ....i want my dh to decide what is more important when ....he has prioritized his mom n his work 1st and then marriage ...he has confessed me this once already but still i told him ill wait and asked him to think abt setting his priorities right...is there any way i can change this behvour in my dh by talk it didnt work ...in which way i show love or do what extra so tht he gets pulled towards me for privacy ..... i cant tolerate the though of living without him ....even if he dosent love me i dont mind....i dont want him to be against me thts all....im desperate ...if God forbid things dont work out....then i dont know ....:(
     
  6. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Icy Girl, your weakness is their strenght. When a man thinks his marriage is secondary, that means where are you in the picture. Icy, you are a woman that must be loved, that must be cared and respected. You cannot be treated like a door mat.

    The reality is you cannot change anyone Icy. You can only change yourself. Think whether you really need this marriage with so much of mental torture daily.
     
  7. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    i dont want to thik abt divorce...but i feel they r bent upon it...is there no way out?
     
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Icy, it takes two to make a marriage, just one to break it. Even if you want this marriage to work with all of your heart, you can't make it succeed on its own.

    I feel part of what makes you so annoying and clingy at home, is the fact that your husband acts so cold with you and cares about his mom more than you. That would make MANY women behave same as you. I would not be able to tolerate a lot of stuff you have tolerated, like the earlier paper incident, and mil telling when to have kids, and your husband constantly going into mood swings. You have your negative points too, but I'm starting to wonder whether you are acting like this out of desperation and unhappiness caused by your dh and inlaws. If that's the case.... do you like the person you are turning into? If this the type of life you are happy settling with?

    Icy, you mentioned you love your husband. But how many relationships have you had to compare it to? A lot of Indian women grow up having zero romantic relationships with men, marriage being their first and only. The bad side of that is, you may be married to a jerk, but because you've never closely known another guy, you think being a jerk is just normal guy behavior and that any guy would act the same way in a relationship with you. But the reality is Icy, there are guys out there who are truely NICE and would make you #1 in their life and not let you get hurt like this. It's NOT normal to constantly be unhappy. And if you are constantly unhappy, this relationship is not healthy! Your spouse is supposed to bring out the BEST in you, not the worst that we are seeing out of you now.

    I don't doubt your love for your husband. You sound sincere. But you cannot give all the love you have to give, unless your husband loves you back. Love reaches it's full potential only when TWO people are mutually in love with each other. Do you think he loves you? Or do you think he just loves having a 'wife' for the sake of having one? Those are questions you need to ask yourself.

    I can understand that you have good days with him. Even when my dh was at his worst, we had some good days too. But what I eventually realized was, one or two good days followed by lots of bad days.... was NOT how it should be! I wanted good days to far outweigh the number of bad days... and I decided that unless me and dh could make that happen, then our marriage was not good for either one of us and I could NOT stay in it. You and your dh need to do the same and come to an understanding that the bad days are starting to outweigh the good, and something needs to be done to get the relationship back on track. If you both can't make that happen... what does it mean? It means that you'll have to get used to fighting through a haystack of bad days.... just to get that one good day needle.

    I'm sorry if this sounds depressing, but I think you need to stop looking at all the small issues that are popping up daily, and fix the one major problem (the dynamic between you and your dh) once and for all.
     
  9. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes your MIL was right!! I am sorry to say ICy you are bringing your marriage to an end whether you really mean it or not but why would you want your parents to involve in everything that happens in your marriage?
    If your MIL told to bring the jewels you should have said YES I would do that or I would check with my parents where they kept it and would get them. One word YES would have done magic. But you acted as if your MIL has to take approval from your parents no wonder she was all pissed off and involved your husband in all this!

    Whatever happens in YOUR house (i.e husband, inlaws and you) is none of your parents business. They need not know everything. You are an adult and you should be able to ASK them for your jewellery cant you?? why your husband or MIL have to call your dad?? doesnt it sound insulting to them?? i.e to your husband and MIL?? Moreover how did your father let this happen? why did he allow to talk like this? and why did he even tell you that his SNIL called him? your father should have simply told you that the jewellery would be sent to you when they return from India isnt it?? Too many people involved in your marriage...thats what is spoiling the peace here!!

    I am sorry to say this but being intimate is not a daily chore:hide:and also making babies is not a project/task that you want to finish off from your list:bonk If you and your husband cant see eye to eye on so many issues, how can you even talk about being intimate?? Isnt it that this should happen out of love and attraction towards each other??? so what does that say?? that he wants to be with his mom more than you??? for what reason?

    If your MIL was complaining and asking for baby , tell her openly that it takes equal effort from her son and you...its not just all on YOU!

    Also I guess its high time for you to make your husband sit and discuss what he wants out of this marriage. Is he ready for kids? How can he control his mood swings when his parents are at home? How would he be able to spend more time with you whether his parents are with you guys or not? Discuss these issues with him and take it from there.

    However if he still says he is not ready for kids, pls do not push it to an extent of where you have to make a decision about this marriage itself. Frankly speaking even many of our friends here suggested you to STOP planning for kids unless you resolve the basic understanding issues with your husband.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2010
  10. raha256

    raha256 Bronze IL'ite

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    Too many people involved in your marriage...thats what is spoiling the peace here!!

    Sri, excellent. this is not only for icyspicy for most of the people who have pbm with inlaws.
     
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