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DH and car driving

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by maroon, Feb 7, 2013.

  1. maroon

    maroon Gold IL'ite

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    Friends, I could not find an appropriate forum for this thread, but I watch this forum most, so I am going ahead here. I tweaked the title somewhat so this thread can seem to belong here!

    I learnt driving (car) recently. This was my second time in a driving school, the first one being about 3 years back. But the problem is that although I am confident about driving well with regular practice, my DH just does not encourage me since he is very scared. The first time, I just let it go because DH would sit next to me while driving and constantly yell (!) when I go wrong. This time however I just do not want to quit and want to pursue until I can drive all by myself. Again, DH freaks out the moment I start driving. Poor thing, not that he wants to discourage me but just gets too scared. End result - I end up frustrated, yell back at him and we both reach home with long faces.

    I dont have any friends or relatives nearby who can help me practise driving. I have spent enough on driving school already, so I guess its just my turn to start practicing myself. But I know its not going to work out well if I rely on DH.

    Given that I am a careful person and do not take undue risks, should I just take a chance and start driving little distances around my home everyday, so I can gain more confidence? Just to add, am in India/metro.
     
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  2. Nagmaa

    Nagmaa Silver IL'ite

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    Yes dear you should start driving alone inside your community . My case was exactly the same as yours. I somehow managed to get license and started driving inside my community without my DH and that gave me a lot of confidence. But keep your mind alert to follow the rules and don't forget to signal while making a turn and also to look at the side and front mirrors.
     
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  3. racr

    racr Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Maroon,

    I empathise with you,have gone through it all. All the best.Its good to know that you consider yourself a careful driver,so I suggest just identify one route which is safer than others in terms of traffic/road conditions,time etc.I read somewhere that familiarity with route is very important when you are driving on your own as a new driver. So,if you know and can anticipate what might happen at each turn,then thats one thing sorted out.


    Please find below some threads on this topic,which might be useful/give some moral support. The 1st one is related to driving in U.S. and the others by Vidya about her driving learning experience in India.Though I agree driving in U.S is easier,for me,its all the same,as the basic hurdle is my fear ! Hope these links help.

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/g...202130-dmv-test-tips-experiences-success.html

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...ion/203863-my-tryst-steering-wheel-part1.html
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/s...ion/204157-my-tryst-steering-wheel-part2.html
     
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  4. amicabledeepu

    amicabledeepu Silver IL'ite

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    same pinch i can soo imagine myself in your place..
    everytime i try to drive the car my dh is soo freaked out that one day he yelled at me soo loud that i pulled the car , got down and started crying. I was driving in a parking place and no one was around the road was empty, i was driving fine and very slow even then he was freaking out .After that whenever i say driving he avoids it saying he is busy:(
     
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  5. abhi09

    abhi09 Senior IL'ite

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    Atleast you went to a driving school..I did not and my sole teacher was my husband..So you can imagine the fight and tantrums me crying and everything...i still did not deter...and stopped caring when he shouts. I tried small distances and got a license...now i drive loooooong distances in all sorts of traffic.
    I still get nervous when he is in the passenger seat and he still shouts when i am driving but i don't care..i know how i am driving and that is it...
    "you drive with him..he shouts..you get nervous make a small mistake..he shouts..make you more nervous and make a more mistakes and he shouts..it all become a vicious cycle.."
    The main thing is you should start driving without him in the car making you nervous..you will gain confidence and then you can show him that you can drive..
     
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  6. GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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    I think all DH are like yours in this matter. I have heard from woman who learned to drive from their respective spouses.

    This phase will pass. Most of us have gone through this and we all survived. So will you!
     
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  7. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    He is freaking out that you might total his car.

    Get a rental for the weekend with full insurance. Then he will focus on teaching you more rather than the car.
     
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  8. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Same here. First time, about a year back, he tried to teach me, then we fought so much that I gave up. 4 months back I again started learning. This time also he yelled at me, I cried, the same old drama. Then one fine day, I put my foot down and demanded to join a driving school. (those 5 classes cost me so much, I'm in no position to ask for any gifts this year :-()He reluctantly agreed and got me a desi instructor. I learned from him quickly, got a driver's license within 15 days. That was about 2 months back. I haven't driven ever since. DH just does not allow. Each time he gives the reasons like snow, rain and slippery roads.
     
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  9. maroon

    maroon Gold IL'ite

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    Each one of your posts has been very encouraging. Most of all its nice to realize that I am not alone when it comes to DH's 'brutal support' while driving.
    When I went with him yesterday, I decided and told him I would never drive with him again:drowning

    In a while from now, with all your virtual support, I am going to take out the car for the first time alone. Ours is a slightly busy locality so I need to be very alert. I did tell DH about my plan when he was leaving for work. He gave a huge sigh and said: "I am already under a lot of official tension, I don't want to think about this and add up to my stress." This followed by a sarcastic smile and "Take care". He believes I was just joking about taking out the car myself, but no!

    God save me! And I hope HE does not punish me and teach me a lesson for bypassing DH:hide:
    I wanted to reply in detail to each one of you. I'll come back and do that and also write in how it went.
     
  10. maroon

    maroon Gold IL'ite

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    Yes! I survived. I drove for about half an hour today. Initially I felt guilty because my DH had called to persuade me to wait for him. But I was determined after I saw all your encouraging responses.

    The car stalled around 4-5 times but I didnt panic and managed to pick up. It was not a harrowing experience after all. I plan to do this every day now. Thanks ladies...
     
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