Devilish Bro, Sexist Parents,haughty Sil Make My Life Hell, Want To Forget Them As Nightmare Of Life

Hi all,

I am working in one of private firm.
But my parents are subjecting me to lot of psychological depression. I have my very good job, but they called me visit my native post 10 years, after my engg, I came 2 ties a year in these 10 years and stayed at native for 3 to 4 weeks. But this time my parents called me for pongal WANTED me to settle in life.

But settling in life is farther thing, I have seen mountainous changes in my own home

Taunting as though I asked her not to have food

Whenever my dad asks me to have food, if my mom is having food already, she is asked by my dad to bring and give food, she hesitantly gets up, and gives me some food to eat, in the middle of serving she complaints atleast 4-5 times, when my sister-in-law asks her why she left having food, then my mom tauntingly tells that, I am unable to eat, as I was disturbed from eating, due to serving me food, had instead of me my bro or sister-in-law was having food she would have never reacted that I am unable to eat since I am forced to serve to others food first and then eat myself.

Note:- she never tells this to my brother or my sister-in-law if they come and ask food when my mom is busy having food.

Taunting me as if my only intention is to make her juggle in kitchen work

when she(mom) says she is preparing something which I like, then if I say to her, how much time does it take to get ready, she taunts me saying that, "you always want to be served first in every dish I prepare and ur work is only to sit and eat and I have to struggle to make preparations for you".

Note:- she never tells this to my brother or sister in-law if they go and ask her when dish will get ready or say they are hungry and want to have it etc

Complaining to my dad I am struggle arrogant and never obedient on anything

when I say I don't want to eat, even if I am hungry due to her taunts, then if my father forces me to eat food, if I don't eat, saying to my dad, that "I may not have rights even if I am hungry to eat in this house, as my bro quarelled (the context I LL mention in another point) with me hitting me and beating me and twisting my hands, only my dad came in between and protected me, else he had the rage to kill me almost and he complained I am staying in this home more than a year. For this my mom tells, " I am very stubborn,arrogant and quarrelsome person,and she tells my dad not to force for me to have food, since despite his repeated attempts to force me I shall never oblige"
She also knows very well since she witnessed the physical fight of Mr and my bro, when he said that I am hanging to this house more than a year, (not taking into account that I have visited it to stay for 5 months after a period of 10yrs)when they both know the very reason, that their son, taunted me that I stayed here over for a year, and I am not going back to blore.

whenever I go to kitchen, my mom follows me thinking I may steal some food from home. She always keeps the important delicacies,and dishes she prepared, to serve her son and daughter-in-law,in some special compartments, which are totally out of my reach,and accessibility, so that wherever she prepared exclusively, for them specially, has to be eaten only by them and not by me.
Sometimes I very strongly feel a stepmother would have taken a better care of me than her.

She also prepares extensive set of delicacies, especially which I like, and fills in large boxes and sends to other relatives home, so that I will not have chance to grab them and eat if I want to. When I ask her why do u do such silly things, she tells me that I will put on weight if I eat such things, and I should keep such things at Bay, when infact most things she prepares are totally oiless.

when I ask her why do you care your son so much, even post his marraige like a small kid tied up in a pallu saree of it's mother, since it's his wife's duty to take care of him now, and you have done ur job as mother for past 30 yrs, then she replies to me sarcastically only when you will know the pain of bearing a SON, can u understand why I care him so much even after the marriage.
She always prepares dishes what he likes and serves him, even now, when all those responsibilities are his wife's of looking after his likes and dislikes.
According to my perception of marriage "if any couple is married, then they have to set independent life, becoming strong partners, helping each other, sharing each other,in cooking, washing ,earning money, buying household stuff, every action should be done by couple alone, and should not in involve either guy or girl's parents, as the guy or girl's parents will have already done far past things, of bringing their kids, for 25 to 30 yrs, so they won't have the stamina and energy,(as they would have grown weak with age once children reach to marriageable age) to do repeatedly again the same set of things for next 30 yrs, for their children's married life also, if the girl and guy depend on parents despite getting married, then the very definition of marriage is destroyed as they are no more couples since they are bringing their parents to action in everything. To this she says, that, you will understand the importance of bearing a SON only when you bear a SON & puts me off.

She tells that her daughterinlaw is really obedient in everything, what is told she will follow, but then why does her daughterinlaw repeatedly call her mom,dad, over small matters to share, she never Spares a single thing, without sharing to her mom dad, so being aware of fact that she is constantly on chat with her friends, relatives, mom,dad, my mom is very careful in treating her like more than a queen of this home, my mom never says a single word to correct her or to till this day I never found any small advise coming out of her mouth to her daughter-in-law. This defeats arguably question of my mom advising, ordering, commanding over her, and she being obedient to those orders, as in the 1st place my mom is really scared of her, & hesitates, to give her any corrections, in how to handle things, when or way of carrying with everyone In home

she wants to always praise Abt her daughter-in-law, even though I help her many times in kitchen for vegetables cutting, boiling, and many such kitchen chores, when I help her she doesn't praise even single day, but one day if her dIL does, she tags her as most obedient and hard-working.

They think that their son is married, so I don't have any place to stay in their home. Even if they get me married to some guy I am dead sure, they will use me as puppet by screwing my husband, to tell him that he should command me, make her to do extra things, overburdening me, etc,
on one side my husbands mom dad have every chance to qquestionme Abt housework(unless inlaws are really good virtuous people for which girl getting married in such a home where inlaws are good is really a blessing)on other side my mom dad will also question me about my housework etc.
So my married life becomes totally screwed up.

even though I am 8 years elder to their daughterinlaw, if I speak to her in singular phrase, my dad gets highly irritated, and reprimands me severely, that I have to speak to her respecting like how a maid respects the owner.

My mom gives all my topnotch tops,tunics,kurtas, tshirts, churidars, which I keep in my native just because I cannot carry all my clothes to Bangalore, she gives without any reservations in her mind, thinking as if she is QUEEN of this home,for her to wear, and when she wears she flaunts with a style, that ur mom loves me more than u kind of attitude and presentation with a sarcastic showoff to me, and giving me a hint that ur mom has donated even the most costliest dresses that I purchased and could never wear, to her, so thar I feel the pain that my mom loves her more than me, that even my clothes without my consent she donates to her. My mom already knows that she already gets many dresses as gifts from her husband, her mom and sometimes even my mom purchases her dress very rarely, To top that she herself is insanely shopaholic that despite having piles of brand new dresees she never leaves a single dress unattended in any of the online shopping Giants like Amazon,Snapdeal and Flipkart etc

my mom serves the food whatever my brother and his wife like, and she serves them full plate, but even after they eat enough and both tell no to burgeoning level of feast she gives them, and for me she puts just a moderate or less depending on how much is remaining post serving them, she never forces me for 2nd time

She(my sister-in-law ) has been given full freedom to direct and order, and command anything to anyone in home including the most eldest member of family like my father, I have always observed from childhood, my dad never budges to anything, or anyone's advice or order, but he listens to her just like a puppet inadvertently as he knows that this girl will leak the matters to her home, as she always buzzes either her friends, relatives like her cousin sisters or her mom ,dad over the phone.

My mom always shares all her talks, previous experiences, and age-old ancient customs, traditions,rituals followed In her home to her daughter-in-law as though she is highly interested in all such things. But my sister-in-law just to show off that she loves my mom a lot, she hears my mom's stories from a ear leaves it from other ear. My mom is so innocent she doesn't know that this girl always turns on for modern disco songs, fashionable dresses, very fashionable costumes,cosmetics and portrays a behaviour ,arrogancy and proudness that even a millionaire's daughter doesn't have that much of arrogancy and haughty and proud behaviour.

when one of her friend came to home, when her frnd asked this girl, will her inlaws help to manage all things, she replied, yes they do, most of things, and said, that she is staying very comfortably here, in this home, even better than my mom,dad's home as here I don't have to work at all, and my mominlaw prepares breakfast,lunch,dinner. For this when her frnd told, "look all these services ur inlaws will do to u,in anticipation, that they will get the returns from u when They are aged up and old and need you help. But she reacted saying, "look we have not taken an oath, to look after them, anytime, if they are aged up, let them struggle alone or get admitted in some old age homes if found so hopelessly helpless", to which I was deeply shocked.

Eversince their marriage happened, every week 3 to 4 days they stay at my native and hardly 3 days they work in office, both are utterly homesick people, they never want to start their married life all alone, with a humble thought that "our parents have struggled till now for us, we should not trouble them again, and moreover, the very name of marriage is 2 individuals, sacrifice their parents family and start their family on own, independent without anymore depending on parents help for anything ". Thinking the brunt of this marriage that it requires gr8 responsibility to take up, I had strong reservations, with thoughts like "what if my inlaws expect a lot of things from me, what if I am unaware to manage between job and home work, what if they start complaining to my parents,that ur daughter is not fit to work in anything, why did u get her married to our son if she is so career oriented and averse to cooking,cleaning and household work etc. Because of these phantom thoughts,I had strong reservations in my mind, that I postponed my marriage, thinking to find a guy who may be single, preferably with parents expired so that they don't end up creating hiccups in my married life. But here in my brother case it's totally reverse that has happened to him. My parents have even forgotten that I am their real daughter, and they have substituted me with their daughterinlaw, & most of the times they say ,they act softly and caring to her as formality, to avoid getting rumours from her parents if she complaints, but I am finding that they exceeding far far far beyond what is normally required to be poured as care,love to keep the relation,ideal,with good rapport, & cordiality. Even my dad, becomes too short-tempered & if I tell any advice to her , he scolds me saying that I don't have any rights to talk to her and overprotects, her, I wonder even if someone came and attacked me physically, he would not have sided me that much as he is siding his daughter in-law now.

My mom instantly complaints even the things what I tell in privacy Abt her daughter-in-law's flaws in behaviour and manners, to my dad and badmouths me saying that I am talking unecessarily, abt their daughterinlaw, since I go to explain them that they have to correct and tell her some things and not completely leave her to dominate everyone such that all should obey her ordered, commands, being at the BECK AND CALL of her for anything she wants to use or manipulate us.

My mom taunts me that she is like goddess Lakshmi of this home, and we take care of her like god, looking at her behaviour I feel in entire world, even if I search the homes, there will not be any family taking care of daughterinlaw to such a vast extent that, I strongly feel why am I not born in some different family and got married into this family to get such a good treatment from inlaws. I can condition and authentically state that there is no single family on this Earth which gives, such major sacrifices, that the inlaws, even if feel totally helpless, when their daughterinlaw takes extreme advantage of their liberty, magnanimousness to her as kind of misuse.

My brother's, love itself, covers farther father levels of oceanic love even greater than sum of my mom and dad's love towards her, but to add to that even my mom and dad treat, her with utmost love and care. She dominates my parents in everything ordering all, but still these people are so dumbo they don't understand she is using them like pawns and puppets thinking in her mind, these old folks, are my slaves, before their life comes to an end, let me squeeze maximum work from them etc. Looking at their behaviour, I am highly insecure that however, best family I may select in entire world to get married but esentially no family in this world would treat a daughter like villain or enemy of the home and the daughter-in-law as their golden daughter. In most homes, when there are some small discrepancies between daughter-in-law and daughter,most parents support only,daughter, and favour and side always the daughter. But in my family it's complete opposite.

1st instance when my brother raised his hands to beat me

This brother who was rival to me from childhood.
I put some message to his wife asking her if she is uncomfortable that I am married (since I very well knew when she went to her mom,dad home, she has brainwashed her dad,mom to make them believe things) like, "my sister-in-law is burden for her parents, she always creates issues, etc, don't know what rumours she spread to her dad, her dad took step with my mom, and took my mom to a place, where they ask to do some Pooja rituals, to so that my marriage happens fast, her father is hell-bent upon making me to get vacated from this home, and once I vacate this home post my marriage, his daughter can claim entire share of home,enjoy ,stay happily in this home, without allowing me to enter a single day back into this home since I am married. So one day she was telling on phone to my mom that you have to get your daughter married, and that her dad is asking her mom to pitching in to get me married off to some random guy etc, (they never want me to stay happily I asked her on phone in WhatsApp do u have any problems with me staying unmarried) for this small matter she got pissed off and told my brother,he became angry totally, shocking me with angry eyes and making big faces of frowned nature, as if he was about to beat me, saying why I am asking such things to his wife, and what rights you had got to question my wife, u be within ur limits in this home, giving me a hint that in any family if one girl and guy exists, if guy gets married first, then the girl will not not have any rights to stay at home, with such liberty as it was given to her before his marriage with her etc. She cannot stay foot in that home beyond a week or so, and she virtually has no rights to question on anything or ask anything and should be staying with ears,eyes and mouth closed like statues of 3 monkeys usually shown. Even if daughter notices that parents are suffering at the hands of daughterinlaw and their son like slaves but still daughter should not voice or speak for her parents, even a little bit of advice to him or his wife should not be given in anything.

2nd instance (when my bro raised his hands to beat me )

The other day, my mom gave in charge of serving breakfast to her daughter-in-law, post my dad and bro ate, breakfast, I stared having it, served by her daughter-in-law, she(daughter-in-law,) purposely gave me only 3 idlis, and she got some call from someone, she intentionally talked much of time on phone, so that I stop eating, and I dropped eating thinking it's over, after checking in kitchen over the idlibox if there are remaining once already prepared, but I could not find any, so i washed off my hands, then my mom and dad came and asked me whether I had stomach full, I told my mom, "I had only 3 idlis, and told it would have been better if you would have served me, someone else will always serve me half stomach and only u who can understand and serve me stomach full, I really got served very less, due to u not serving me". Then my mom told me, that is the reason, I called you, early before u sit for Pooja to fine and have it,since B4 I was preparing idlis, and now she is preparing.
For this itself, she went and expressed the crocodile tears, to my brother, that ur sister is expressing that I didn't serve her properly. For him even if his wife tells a single word about any of us, he comes fighting with me, with fierce, RED ANGRY EYES, and his anger us so furious that he reacts as though he wants to kill me etc.

3rd instance when he raised his hands to beat me was when
I went inside the kitchen, to ask tea in morning, I told I LL prepare, and started preparing tea, then she said to keep some vessel somewhere and told I always misplace things in kitchen, as she is very fussy Abt cleanliness,I told her this is reason exactly why I don't feel like helping her in kitchen for any work, always she makes fuss of each and everything, for that she taunted me saying stop complaining like that, just bcoz u don't like to work, don't blame me that I am fussy, etc, u yourself don't have stamina to get up and take bath, what help u will do in kitchen for me ,when she said this I told, because of ur constant complaints,tantrums,big fights with me in childhood, only I left this home to Bangalore, and hence, even due to that my marraige got delayed, as most guys would prefer to see me in hometown, but u never allow me to stay here, either from childhood or now, by always fighting ,complaining, creating tantrums Abt me, so only I could not get married etc, when I said this she told, what will I do if you reject many people with ur own conditions, why should I bare the brunt for ur mistakes, so I got irritated, told her in severe voice, that u can't blame me for my personal decisions, and who are you to question on all these stuffs, then that fellow(bro,) came from inside and staring RED eyes started abusing me like anything with fierce red eyes that, these are my parents,my mom who are you to fight with them, and he raised his hands to beat me, when I said that you also coming to this home always, I came atleast after 10 years to stay for 5-6 months, but u always hang here, and you are homesick guy, the moment he heard this,he came fiercely to attack me, and he twisted by hands and fractured my last finger of my right hand,I cried profusely for 5 hours, I could not have food for 4-5 days.

my mom first of all hates me from childhood, as the only thing she has been seeing right from my birth is to get married, since she never wanted me to stay in this home ever since I was born, because she used to throw utensils at me, scold me heavily till I cry and become upset, and don't study not a dating. In exams, she used to intentionally come up with some home related chores, when I study or watch TV or play games etc, she always wanted only to help her in kitchen, she used to be jealous, Abt me, if I watch TV, or study or play games, since during my childhood, she was always asked to work, in a joint family, do she experimented and implemented the same things to me.

My brother works at hyderbad and I work at Bangalore, he stays every Friday,Saturday,Sunday in this home, but I a very rare visitor to my family almost 2 times in a year, staying only for 3 to 4 weeks from past 10 years, but my bro is almost a normal resident of this home hanging 4 days in mom dad home as my native is near to Hyderabad where he works only 4 hours by train.

The most shocking and painful thing I cannot forget my whole life is that my dad also shifted towards my sister-in-law and calls her daughter and I am outsider not even gives me care, respect that atleast daughter-in-law is given, forget about daughter.

Both my parents are sitting on the top of my head to wash me away from this home as they know that in any part of the world, to whomsoever I get married to, I would not get such inlaws as so loving and caring they are acting towards heir daughter-in-law, They want me to subject me to face all the troubles, post my marriage with any guy, I am very confident that, even if the guy is utmost good, they give him least care,love ,respect like me making him feel low, and may even start telling bad things or spread rumours about me, so I don't stay a happy peaceful life post marraige, infact the very comfy atmosphere they have fostered for my sister-in-law is probably to make me feel jealous about her, that even if I marry I may get such good treatment in any family, but only I know very well, there cannot be any family in world treating a daughter like a goddess in their family.

my mom always taunts me saying her daughterinlaw is most active, stamina oriented, that despite marrying and giving birth she has recovered, I don't get the point where is the question of recovery, when a things things, including cooking breakfast,lunch,dinner, washing kid, ironing their clothes, almost every part of both husband and wife's duties and responsibilities are tkane wholly by mom,dad, except munching the food and putting in their mouth. It's almost 1.5 years it's over post her leaves, she is not yet joining her in even if some interview calls come to her, or someone from her office call to her, I have observed so many girls in my office who join office back within 6 months, or 8 months, she intentionally doesn't want to join, since she is averse to any cooking,cleaning, going to job etc, 1st of all my brother is homesick ,but this girl is even pathetically homesick than her husband.

The most shocking thing was about my dad shifting towards that girl, I am so innocent that I never knew form childhood that he will in future once son gets married will change the position of daughter from me to his daughter-in-law. He always sides my brother even when on the day my brother attacked me physically, he thinks my brother is always the only kid of this home and not myself. That day when he fighted with me also, he told me to vacate this house holding his hands to me when I said in fights that when your son gets anger to this level, that he will attack me, then even I will not stay here, and I will go and never come back to this house again, then my dad said me to go, post that fight when my bro spilled crocodile tears, B4 my parents asking them, if they want him to vacate the house he is ready to, then my dad supported him "no who is she to ask you to vacate, and she is intentionally telling you all these things and she feels happy if you vacate this house, you are my son how will I allow you to vacate, I never feel the pain for you, I am there with you, you please stay here, was the kind of confidence that they have their son when he began to cry, but for me he always, said, to vacate this home.

Looking at all these things I she totally lost hopes in my life, and most of the times I always will be weeping in room, thinking that whether I stay in this world or I don't stay no one cares, so it's better to end my life to avoid all these issues and problems.

I want to ask 4 things

Should I completely cut off ties with my parents, since they act like as if I was never a kid neither during childhood or now when returned from work city to my native after 10years
In case if I decide to staying alone all my life without marrying
Anyone, since I have lost hopes on relationships of any type seeing that when my own parents are so hostile and emotionally abusive, then should I look after my parents when they need in there old age, ??

Should I get married in future if I get a good guy who is well settled, if so then should I depend on my parents for formals and rituals or I can freely express all the things briefly that my parents are not good so your parents blessings and rituals done are enough, should I convince in this way with the guy

Do I own any responsibilities net despite these lust for extreme partiality and emotional abuse done my my parents towards me, from childhood to now

Please reply your answers and solutions to my problem in great length and what you all would have done if being faced with my situation in Your lives.

Thanks
Shubha