Determined

I open my eyes and I am between two crumbled sheets of linen and my pillow. The one that occupied my thoughts when my eyes were closes resumes. It has been quite a recent addition into me, just roughly above two weeks.

Actually I am not ready for such relationships and always avoided saying “for my nature and patience level, I can’t afford anyone in my life or end up hurting someone daily”. But only coz of my amma’s liking, I decided to have a try.

I was okay to begin with, but as days flew I found it really hard to manage with this extra member. I could not find any balance. Moreover, the one I am talking about tries to make me a different me, unlike the real me.

Every morning the one eats my time and brain before leaving to office. And my colleagues also could make something different happening to me and everyone is tossing some questions.

I thought shouting or yelling may not make any difference. And it may not be fair too, as it’s I who allowed this relationship and it’s up to me to get rid of.

I get up from my bed and wander here and there, making sure I want to do what I had planned. I seriously gave a second thought, what if I miss the one badly tomorrow. But I ensured I was determined to do it.

I looked around and reached for a sharp tool there. «Bang» on head. There are two ways to use any tool, with an elegance as a surgeon would do; or brutal as a butcher would do. I chose the second way, repeating the action again and again until I was convinced.

I wash my hands and face, look into the mirror, and look into my own eyes; there is no tinge of guilt in it. My lips make a firm uppish curve kind of proud, as it always does and says,

“I look better without mustache”

~Dec ´2012

 

Nice to receive you fb as first one, Pallavi. Many Thanks

 

Feels good to get appreciated by someone who master this art, rgs.

Thanks a ton

 

Thanks for the fb, suby

 

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Thanks for the fb, sanrags