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depression to the core

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by padmapriya990, May 18, 2015.

  1. padmapriya990

    padmapriya990 New IL'ite

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    Hello all,
    I have been married for 6 yrs now and have a 17 month old baby girl.ours was a love marriage.My hubby is always money minded.for him life is all about earning money..he isnt interested in me.he doesnt wana shower any care or love to me.he doesnt even mind staying away from me for the sake of money.i now repent a lot for choosing him.i tried mybest to change him.but the results were just horrible fights cries ...no improvement.now am scaredanlut my life.i hate being with him.theres abstly no love for me.he is sooooo stingy.can anyone pls help me to solve this issue? Am getting more depressed when i think of the biggest mistake ive done in my life :(
     
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  2. Sparkle19

    Sparkle19 Silver IL'ite

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    Talk to your elders and tell them to talk to him or else take him to counselling..
     
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  3. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    you have a small child so are house bound,most probably have few friend and an busy hubby .....obviously you feel low.....accept it and find ways which will make you feel better.
    take baby out in stroller for walks
    cook something special for yourself
    call your parents,siblings on skype
    catch up with friends ....you can invite them at your place.
    find activities that don't cost money ......and many more such ways....list them out and try .

    there is nothing you can do about miser hubby....in his good mood suggest that he give you some pocket money....that is your right and you deserve it.....maybe write an email to him concering this...

    if he hates to spend money taking you out ,find free activities like going to temple,going to park/lake/museum/window shopping......

    if nothing works console yourself that whatever money he is saving its for you and your daughter's future ......
     
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  4. viki123

    viki123 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Is this some thing new with ur DH or was he always like this ? By money minded do you mean he spends most time earning and saving ?

    Some men, give more importance to financial security, it's become more once they get married and have kids. My DH & my DAD are of same attitude, once they feel they are financially more secure, they become liberal and stress relieved.
    If you think this is cause, talk to him and support him morally. Fighting would increase their stress levels.

    It took 15 years for my dad and 7 years from my DH to come out of that mind set.
     
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  5. lifeunplugged

    lifeunplugged New IL'ite

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    Hey padmapriya,

    Though we dnt knw eachother or can undertand the gravity of ur situation... hope every word here brings some kind of peace to u....

    Its not your mistake to be committed in a love marriage... same situations can happen even in a arranged marriage... what matters is how much u love yourself first... most of the time we give priority to others expecting love in return... in this case, why dont u stop paying attention to your DH and do things that brings happiness to u... or like getting engaged in something... like getting a job... mingling with your collegues...

    since you already have a child, spend more time for ur kid since she might be getting low attention from ur parter.. try to give special care for her.. so that she feels loved...

    seriously, i dont thnk taking ur DH to counsellng or any such talks will help ... unless he understands ur feelings himself....

    Try to be more independent.... stop worring about issues which cannot be controlled by us... pray.. that helps a lot too....

    takecre of urself and ur kid too... be a great mom.... :)
     
  6. dsmenon

    dsmenon Gold IL'ite

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    There are some people like that. For them money is the top top priority What i would suggest is spend time with your little one, make a friends group, keep yourself engaged. Do things for yourself and whenever your DH is free include him in your routines.
     
  7. Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    op if you are not able to change him last 6 years you may need to accept that he is not going to change at all.How he is when it comes to money matters.If he is not frugal start enjoying your own life independently.Go to parlors.Go for swimming with your little baby girl.Go for shopping with your female friends.
     
  8. sarah123

    sarah123 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Padmapriya,

    i have little tips that may workout for you.

    1) show him some live examples that money can be taken,stolen or lost but relations are never. Like, when u see the victims of earthquake in nepal recently, all those buildings and everything was lost, but can be remade in future, if we have love and support in our life. when u say this, u r not supposed to say to him. ofcourse,he should be hearing it,but it shud be heard like not intended to him.

    2) as u have a kid now, plan on going out with ur family and make sure to go to the places of mostly his choice as he loves it.

    3)each father loves their daughter no matter what. u can take this keypoint and make him to involve his time in spending with his daughter and thus,you. gradually, he might love this and make this as high priority for sometime.
     
  9. deeprapriya

    deeprapriya Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Sarah to!!!...

    you need to repair your relationship first!!!!.

    You need to fall in love with him again!!!!. :).... Whatever it is, the life has to go on. You have your kid. And the kid needs u both.

    Dont talk to him abt any problems. Just show him that you love him in each and every activity that you do for him. If he gets to argument more, be silent. Make him realize, we need to enjoy life rather than fighting. go out with him. Make him understand that, you are enjoying when he and the kids are around.... He will change. Because everybody needs care in the real life....When the care is shown when it is needed, they will melt out. try once plz!!!!

    if u r depressed, u talk to ur close friends, engage ur self in some activities. Sametime, re build ur relation ship.....

    All the best!!!
     

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