1. Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Depression during pregnancy

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by aniya, Aug 17, 2015.

  1. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    192
    Likes Received:
    188
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Do you look at your mirror? Don't you see a girl there? Don't you like yourself (a girl)? Did you ever wish to gender change to man? will you be ready to get gender changed?
     
  2. teejay

    teejay Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    610
    Likes Received:
    462
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear aniya
    I felt compelled to post a response. I too have struggled to conceive and when I finally did i was over the moon. I have always imagined myself as a mother of a baby girl.I have long dreamt of dressing my daughter in tutus and bows. I have a naughty li'l neice and she has made me yearn for a daughter as mischievous as her. When I found out i was going to be a mom, i made a list of baby girl names too. Contrary to my expectation, I learned that I am carrying a boy. There was a momentary sense of disappointment. But I must say I am happy with what God has decided to gift me. Every time my baby kicks I fall more and more in love with him. At this point I am just praying that I deliver a normal, healthy baby. Its a misconception that girl child will need more care/attention.Babies need the same amount of attention irrespective of the gender. For the baby's sake, i hope you will get over your apprehension and shower her with all the love she deserves because there is nothing worse than growing up knowing you are a disappointment to your parent. If you think professional counselling will help,please give it a try. God bless
     
    2 people like this.
  3. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    @Teejay you reply was very nice...in fact I feel that girls are easier to handle than boys...my issue never was that...just like u I have a very cute nephew whom I spend a lot of time with...and so I also always imagined having a cute baby boy....also he came in my dreams many times. Had all that not happened, im sure I would not have been concerned about anything. Yes as days go by I am looking forward to having a cute baby girl...my husband is eagerly waiting..i will seek professional help if the depression continues as I don't want any PPD affecting me while taking care of baby.
    @Keet your reply is very rude and not helpful at all..
     
    2 people like this.
  4. pinky21

    pinky21 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    351
    Likes Received:
    403
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    hi aniya,
    as people have already mentioned there is no need for you to feel guilty about this. if it a boy or girl it is your baby. after developing a bondage towards boy baby i can understand it would be a way too difficult for you to change your opinion. but its high time you have got to change ur bias over that. be it a DD or DS you have to upbring the kid in a positive way.

    as you are in your eight month of pregnancy there are chances that your feelings might affect your kid's growth. am not telling this to create a fear in you. but its science and practical truth too. so no point talking abt ur previous feelings but put away your biases at-least from now on and think about the well being of ur kid and your health.

    though you know it thought i shld say this whether ur girl baby grows up in a not a girle way and kind of tomboyish, a girl is always a girl. no one can beat her potential. i wld rather say not so girliy girls have so much of commitments and pressures in the society. hope @ashima10 would accept my point in that as she seemed to be like me.

    and sorry if i had hurted you in anyways. stay positive. vent out your feeling to anybody or through this forum. don't keep things in ur mind and spoil ur and ur bundle of joys health.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,664
    Likes Received:
    706
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,
    You would be perfectly fine once you see the baby's face..I wanted a girl , but have a boy and i am perfectly happy with my kid.

    Irrespective of the gender its your own blood, so you would start automatically loving the little one.
     
  6. Neha11

    Neha11 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    I am sorry but I dont understand why would anyone want to change and not be happy with what they have.I have been TTCing for almost 6 yrs and currently during IVF.Pregnancy is such a miracle ,holding a little healthy baby in ur hands ,becoming a mom all this is so overwhelming .At this point you should be taking care of yourself ,talking to little baby in the tummy and praise lord that everything is going smoothly .
    God Bless...
     
    1 person likes this.
  7. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,489
    Likes Received:
    2,030
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    OP:
    I would suggest you do a couple things. Since you are suspicious that you have depression now, please talk to your doctor about this now as you may be at risk for a serious post partum depression. Get the doctor on board if this is the case.

    Secondly, what will get you over this problem is to have good bonding with your baby. You need to spend as much time as you can in the initial days after the baby's birth with the baby...don't hand off the baby care to anyone else. Spend a lot of time looking into the baby's eyes (this is part of the biology of bonding) and also smelling the baby. Breast feed the baby. All these actions will kick in the natural bonding.

    I think that you should take the attitude that it is likely that your little girl will be a tomboy just like you. I think that is a very probable outcome.
     
  8. Prp

    Prp New IL'ite

    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm writing this very long post to get all your support,thoughts on my current state of mind.So, hope I won't be judged too harshly and you all can understand that I really need some positive help.Let me thank you in advance for your time!
    I'm pregnant with twin girls after a second IVF.Both me and husband are married for 8+ yrs and after 3 natural pregnancies which ended up in early losses,few years of waiting,trying,lots of medical tests(fortunately all were normal),prayers and offerings by family,6 clomid cycles,3 IUIs,and one first failed IVF,I've finally got pregnant and I'm in second trimseter now:)Thank you God!!
    Fortunately,everything is going fine by God's blessings in the pregnancy.On my 20 week scan few days back, we were eagerly waiting to know the gender of the babies.
    I had always picturised,prayed a boy and girl in my family.(no,pls,am not gender biased..!Am a daughter myself.)Of course,am glad that I'm pregnant with healthy babies after years of yearning,waiting,praying ( not just from me and hubby but also from nice,loving family too.)Pls don't take me wrong, it is mentioned in most Indian prayers,krishna,devi mantras for a good son for family's legacy (i know I sound old fashioned) and almost "believed" that I'll have a cute boy for sure (may be due to daily prayers too in all these long years,or my sheer stupidity to have believed so!)
    When we got to know they are twins,only prayed harder for a girl too since I thought,one will be a boy definitely.May be,if they were two boys too,I would've felt the same disappointment..Like most women,I too have fancied the idea of dressing up girls and am happy about that too but at the same time, I wanted to have a naughty li'l boy also at home, both pink and blue dresses,accessories,boy girl toys,games etc,wanted to see a lovely brother sister relationship for both my children at home.Was waiting to choose boy girl names after the ultrasound.Or should I say,I had even thought to the extent of me and hubby having a son-in law and daughter- in law later ahead in our lives..;)
    I try hard to convince myself with all the cliches(and truth of course!) that our prayers are coming true, we are getting two healthy children, we see people waiting for a first or second child,or people who have two boys yearning for a girl etc ..but somehow for past few days,I'm not able to come out of all those dreams which I had been building in my mind.I don't have sisters,I never studied in a girls' school,have seen my mom raising me and my younger brother and I know how good an experience it is to have loving siblings of both gender in the house.Its an experience as a couple too, to raise both boy and girl child.May be just I'm not able to connect to the sisters thing.. That's all.Have lot of friends around with happy,healthy boy girl kids,twins even..So, don't know if it was too difficult for us to get that lucky too,once for life,that too after years of praying,yearning,wishing,hoping..No, am not comparing or jealous here..May be just being silly or is it just a normal reaction?..That's why need to know your views..
    On the other hand,my husband and our families are thrilled for getting girls too.My hubby is very fond of little girls(me too) and he used to tease me until before our scan that it will be girls;)(though he says now,he was neutral, at heart).I really wish that he too should have wished ,said the same like me and may be God would have listened to both of our prayers,may be I would have been the happiest person.I completely understand that its not always possible in life that things turn out the way we wish and its actually kiddish to think so too esp in such matters which are out of our control.Whatever God gives us will be good for our life etc,I understand and I try to believe.
    I feel thankful to God that my parents,in laws are happy,excited ,proud of us,our life,them becoming grandparents, after all these years(though they too had secretly wished for a boy girl twin,since one of my cousins recently got them,but wanted to make me feel cheerful too) .Or was I wrong,stupid,stubborn, all these years to have wished for a son and daughter both,with my medical history and luck? We had gone through all emotional stages in all these years,which a couple struggling with infertility goes through.When I look at my pregnant belly each day,I realise how much we have waited to reach here, see,expereince this.
    I'm trying to make myself happy by looking at twin girl babies' pics,accessories,reading and getting views from these kind of blogs,forums.(I've read,written on such forums earlier when I was struggling to get successfully pregnant too,not so long ago..)I don't want to,feel comfortable to share it with any of my friends and with my family either and get scolded or judged or make my family upset about my wrong thoughts.I'm fortunate enough to have an extremely loving,understanding,caring husband and I don't want to spoil the home environment with my mood but since he saw me down, he encouraged me to be honest with him about my thoughts as he knew what was going on in my mind.He is trying his best to support me,correct,convince me,scold me,making me happy about the reality and great things ahead in life ,taking me to baby stores and I seem to accept etc but looks like my change is slow and I'm afraid if I take more time because I seriously want to come out of this ill thought process.Its like a broken dream inside me.Of course , am matured enough to differentiate b/w dreams and reality but may be this matter I wished and prayed,imagined for perhaps the longest in my life so far,I feel so disappointed like a kid.I don't have much enthusiasm about things,shopping etc these days I find it difficult to come back from my once long imaginary world.. Don't know if it happens with most of you like me..My husband even said if he knew I would go this crazy then it was better if we didn't find out the gender at all.We have 2 more frozen embryos from this IVF cycle but don't think we have the courage to get pregnant again after these children are born.Both me and hubby are in mid-end of thirties and again, we aren't sure whether another try will get us a son and I feel it will be selfish too on my part and unfair to the girls if I just try again wishing for a brother for them, too early after they are born.So,this time was like the only chance for us.
    Am i being too selfish,stubborn about my thoughts? Will I be able to love my children unconditionally with this thought in mind?I know people say,once you see the babies, we forget rest everything.But,I want to happily go through my pregnancy too.Was I expecting just a so called picture perfect scenario of my family? I don't think am thankless but am I expecting too much from life? I can just pray to God to give me enough wisdom to happily accept the precious gift of motherhood and embrace the blessing, to successfully go through pregnancy and delivery.I want ,strive to be a good,loving mother and want my babies to healthy,cheerful and pleasant and wish&pray they have a great life too!
    Like anybody with my state of mind,I feel sad,bad,guilty, too, for thinking unnecessary too much and upsetting myself and hubby and not being able to bond suddenly with babies inside me.i want to be practical and live in reality only,always.Of course, I wanted one of them to be a girl and its lucky,cute to have both daughters too.Having said all these,I definitely don't want my thoughts to affect my babies inside and I seriously like,want girls to be girls and not tomboyish:D.
    How can I help myself more to change my mind?Am i really being mentally sick?:0.Please feel free to scold me if am really being silly..
     

Share This Page