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Depression during pregnancy

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by aniya, Aug 17, 2015.

  1. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    I am eight months pregnant and do not want a baby girl. In ultrasound at 20 weeks I was told it is a girl. I really cannot explain this feeling to anyone. I have tried to explain this to a close friend and to my husband. Neither could understand. I refrained from discussing this with anyone else because it is embarrassing. My reason for not having a girl has nothing to do with the traditional values and beliefs that girls are inferior etc. I always wanted and pictured myself with a baby boy. Even before we were trying to conceive. I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be having a girl. The though never struck me, I know it sounds odd that it never struck me, cause its always 50/50, but that is the truth, I never though it could be a girl. My husband is overjoyed that it is a girl but I don’t feel anything. The days are just going by and I am not excited at all. Could this be pre natal depression and not simply gender disappointment? That will make me feel less guilty. Also I can then consult somebody and take anti-depressants. Has anyone gone through such depression without much basis and come out of it? I am scared I may not bond with the baby due to this.
     
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  2. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    i somehow can understand you...have always been closer to my Dad...brothers...and boys. I blend very easily with boys and have been brothers pet always ..sharing and participating in their secrets...i have always been famous for it in families too...to the extent that i thought i can never ever raise a girl...i never found those frocks and accessories cute enough to convince me....
    Now trying for a long time and not been able to conceive...do you knw what is the feeling that comes to my mind.Just a baby...
    This time reminds me my college days where i used to say what you are saying...its just like someone would want to have a girl i would like to have boy! NO prejudices...just preference!
    Dear Aniya, consider yourself lucky that you are pregnant and going to deliver soon.do not spoil this golden time thinking about gender. you have been lucky to have a nice husband who is equally elated.
    as you say u might be in depression and my words may or may not have much effect on you because one's mind is most powerful. try to think about all those who are just trying for a kid ...you can always get pregnant again and have a boy too. Why spoil this moment .enjoy the moment...look at the cute lil girls pic and think of all the fun that a mother daughter can have! Do not wait for the god to show you the harder ways of accepting the blessings. be happy about it.

    Regarding the bonding iam very sure the moment you will hold her in your hand you will bond. Its medical..you just cant ignore/help.

    P.S: Sorry if i have offended you in any way. All the best for your healthy delivery. pls consult doctor if you are still in depression after the princess is born.
     
    3 people like this.
  3. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    Ashima, thank you very much for your reply. I am so looking for someone who understands what I feel as no one seems to understand without making me feel guilty. I also though that I can try again but there is no guarantee that the next will be a boy. I also thought of doing IVF PGD for gender selection next which is available in gulf countries. But this is time I should be waiting for my baby and not going through success stories of IVG PGD or any such thing. I wish God did not show me the vision of a baby boy in my head and then none of these problems would have happened. I pray that I wake up one day wanting only a DD and thrilled about it. Whenever I see my friends having sons I feel terrible. And it seems majority of my friends have boys only. I have stopped seeing facebook also as I don’t want to see more baby boys. Hope this is a passing phase and I bounce back. I pray my DD is not all girlie type which I will not like. I know that baby is baby only but till 3-4 years after that I do feel they change based on their genders. Many people say that they have no gender preference and I really wonder if they are telling the truth.
     
  4. skyinsc

    skyinsc Silver IL'ite

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    Grass on the other side is always greener ! I desperately want a girl this time but during NT scan the experienced U/S technician said it IS ( not might be) a boy. I already have a boy so i was hoping it will be a girl this time but no luck. I will come to know in my anamoly scan for sure this week but i have already prepared my mind it will be a boy. Initially i was very disappointed but now i have prepared myself because i know how hard / blessed it is to conceive as i had my first via IVF after ttc for 6 yrs and 2 miscarriages. You never know the blessing you have unless you experience the opposite. I felt extremely lucky to conceive on my own so now i am very happy / excited to welcome this bundle of joy whoever it is :) Op please count your blessings
     
  5. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    Dear skyinsc, thank you for your kind words...even I have conceived after a long time of rather unexplained fertility... Now I keep thinking that that if we would have waited another month or done a month before maybe we could have conceived a boy. I know its a "crazy what if" situation. Its quite possible we would not have conceived at all...and this is destiny.

    I am trying my best to see the positive and am successful at times also but when I wake up in the mornings I feel so lost and that a grave mistake has happened and how I can be mother to a girl, im very tomboyish. I feel girls need more care and time, I don't know if I can do justice. Maybe I better see a doctor as this could be more prenatal depression and a lesser version of gender disappointment, im not sure. But im even too embarrassed to tell this to a doctor.
     
  6. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    I had similar feelings when we discovered I had a baby boy..hez 4 now and I will not trade him for anything in this world.
     
  7. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    Ramyav, I pray that after another 6 months I can say the same about by baby girl. Were you able to bond immediately with baby or it took some time.
     
  8. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    For people like you - dear aniya - countries like India create no gender identification laws. Unfortunately, Oman didnt have that law.
     
  9. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Ragini, I think it is better to know so more mentally prepared before baby comes out. Also as I said this has nothing to do with traditional beliefs...I had several dreams of having a baby boy prior even to getting pregnant who looked just like my dear husband. I feeling sad I will not have that boy..
     
  10. mumoftwoboys

    mumoftwoboys Junior IL'ite

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    Hi Aniya...you may need to just have a good old cry and a shoulder to cry on..and maybe a good chat...? Its probably a sort of depression but dont focus on that...sometimes its just things clogged up inside of us...feel free to msg if you want to chat
     

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