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Depressed

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Harshita, Nov 3, 2007.

  1. Harshita

    Harshita Guest

    Hello,
    I m very depressed.Right after marriage I found my husband being very friendly with girls.He is very much influenced by his friends(who are girls).He always instructs me to do things as he says in public.The reason he gives is "----(his friend's name) will feel so bad if u do it etc etc".I also found that he does not have any fast friends who are boys.In a party,instead of being with me,he just goes off and remains talking to his friends(girls.)Even though there might be guys around whomhe knows,he doesn't tak to them.

    I also see that the girls have their own husbands,who never leave them alone at the party,like my husband does.His friends(girls) frequently send him emails after which he just behaves as a person might do if he is homesick.Whenever he meets any of those 3-4 particular friends,he behaves as if I am a stranger and does not even come near me.I have lost my sleep over it,especially since we r marriedonly 8months back.

    Can anyone helpmeout?
     
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  2. lovinglife

    lovinglife New IL'ite

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    Hey Harshita:

    Cheer up girl!! Don't let his behavior depress you. 8 months is a long time to be married and time for you to have an open conversation with him and tell him what bothers you.

    Also, you need to figure out why you are feeling so insecure. Instead of wasting your energy and feelings over this, I would suggest you get yourself busy.

    Take classes in a local community college, make friends, prepare for a job that you can start when you get your work permit, look for local volunteer work, go to the gym....get a hot body :drool, check out some cute guys (nothing wrong in looking) and when you have a life of your own, what he does will not become the center of your world. Guys need to know that you can have a life of your own too.....with or without a H1 :)

    Work and money are important, but are not everything in life. Instead of treating the time on H4 as a vacation, do some of the things I mentioned above. And when you make friends, dont just look for indians, look for good people. Americans are nice to be friends with too. You will learn a lot about their culture. Go to the library.

    One thing to keep in mind.....when you are depressed and still don't know him well, please dont make the mistake of getting pregnant. Then that will dictate your whole entire life.

    Have fun and enjoy America :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2007
  3. meo

    meo New IL'ite

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    Harshitha has put it correctly...Give some time for your relation to build up.You don't need to be doubtful about everything he does.Anyway things show that this guy can be influenced easily...Why not you play the same game as his girl friends..Usually such guys take the dependent wife for granted..never let it happen..n never expect a sudden change in his ways.In the meantime you try to be independent atleast emotionally..I know its very difficult ....but things will change for sure
     
  4. vids

    vids Senior IL'ite

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    I agree with the above ILites. Communication is the first thing to do...Guys sometimes dont even know whatever the wife "feels". You need to let him know. Sit down at home when you both are relaxed and have a talk with him. Do not get upset / angry when you talk to him...Talk logically and dont accuse him. But u need to let him know how you felt. Am sure he will understand.

    Next time you guys go to a party, hold his hands and never let go :) :thumbsup
    If he meets his group of girlfiends, tag along...be cheerful and start chatting with them! It may feel a little awkward for the first couple of meetings but then you'll start having fun as they are also girls they will def welcome you too to the group...Have fun who knows maybe ur dH will be left alone in a couple of months :)

    And yes, being alone @ home as a H4 person adds to it too... Take up a hobby, go to library, read good books, go for a walk in the evening (with ur hubby) instead of sitting and watching tv once he gets back - this really helps in the communication...The first couple of years you will have lots of "personal time" so get ur bonding strong.

    Hope u have a wonderful life dear. Good Luck!!!
     
  5. alamelu1983

    alamelu1983 New IL'ite

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    Hai Harshita,

    All have give you good tips.. I need to add one for your benefit. Is your bedroom life ok? Because one of my classmate had 6 months of married life that ended in divorce due to this so called bedroom problem - her husband could not perform at all. She tolerated for 6 months and told this to her parents and his parents and they all went to a Urologist & Psychiatrist and discovered the boy has lot of complication which I do not wasnt to describe here!!

    Not scaring you but want to help you be prepared to face any adversity.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Suggestion...

    Ladies,

    You may want to check the date on original post(s) before spending time responding to queries/posts. Lot of times, the problem is really old, and sometimes the poster is not even active here anymore(not in this case necessarily). So any time spent in responding is wasted.
    If you have something to add to the thread or have a similar query, no harm is making an old thread active instead of starting new threads, but better to keep in mind that poster may not be looking for advice anymore and frame your response accordingly.

    Rihana
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2009

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