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Depressed. Pls Advice Me

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dogra, Apr 6, 2019.

  1. dogra

    dogra New IL'ite

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    I am a mother of 4 years old son and I am working woman. I usually left home by 9 in morning and reach by 8 in evening.
    I usually get quality time with my son on Sundays/holidays. But then as i reach home by 8 eve, I realy work hard to finish the work and food by 10 or 10:30 to make love with my son coz i love him very much after my husband.
    Now the problems comes out that I am financially very weak since last 2- 3 years. Our was a love marriage and i m hindu and husband is muslim. Then how i managed first 2 years very lovingly. Last 2 years back my husband is not earning that much to make some expenses lighter for me. But anyhow i m managing my son school fees, home loan, electricity bill and other miscll. expenses & moreover i m also fulfilling my son’s desires also. Not even a single 100 rs he have spent for me and my kid for the last 1 year. I had fights between us and sometimes i got frustrated and said i should divorce him. Might be this scenario making my husband closer to his mother (MIL). Coz i harder get a quality time with my husband. I want to discuss all the financial matters and i kept the diary for that, but again he didn’t sit properly, he just keep working on his laptop and says “yes yes main sun raha hun , tum bolo” even though he knows m handling all the finances. above all he should support me in words, but he didn't do that thing also. i don't know what kind of attitude he is carrying of.

    And My mother in law treats my husband as her husband and my kid too as her child. i know she is her grandmother coz i am not all the time at home to take care of my child except Sundays/ holidays. My husband even goes for a walk or local market, he take MIL, Morning tea with MIL, last the dinner also with MIL in her room.He often lay down on her bed the way he lay down in our room. I just often feel bad when he sits in unmannered way. ( means - u r now grown up, body parts are also mature . ,(Means i also not sit like that in MIL room).
    i am totally frustrated with my husband. not divorce but separation for sometime comes on my mind.

    i just want to share 1 thing more :--

    i live in joint family with two families elder BIL with wife and 2 kids and i m with 1 kid.
    Elder BIL is full supportive to his family,but in my family i m only the person who is earning by doing up and down 25 kms both sides. My husband have borrowed some money from Younger BIL (he lives separate) 6 months back when i was jobless. after my job i m repaying that borrowed amount in installments to younger BIL. Even then MIL comes to me and questioned me "have you paid some amount to Younger BIL., n i generally said that "ki mummy abhi nhi hai, and i narrated her also what expenses i m carrying of out of my salary. she is a woman ,is she not carrying a soft heart for woman to make my husband understand that your wife has lot of burden financially , u should opt for a job. but she thinks this is not the age of doing job & so as my husband thinks too, and says., all relatives will make a fun of him . i didnt understand what is the deal in doing job. .
    my question is " is my MIL right in her way that she asks me to payoff the borrowed money of her younger son. would she not responsible to ask my husband ...i hate her.
    pls advice in matter of marriage. should i go like this way and wait for good time.

    thanks
     
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  2. Giri12

    Giri12 Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry to hear about ur scenario. First thing comes to my mind is why ur husband is not working. U said its a love marriage so ther must be good bonding in initial stage. I suggest u both to recollect good old memories. Talk to ur husband about current situation. Understand n listen to his point of view too. Maybe he is trying for job but not getting good one. Find good time to talk to him. Use positive words n encourage him for job search. Sometimes wife has to take burden of finances when husband face job crisis. Dnt loose hope everything will be sorted tc
     
  3. dogra

    dogra New IL'ite

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    Thanx for the revert. but my husband is not searching for a job at all. he is sitting spare at home n just wait for the big work. n doing some at laptop n mobile. he never listen to my words if i want to discuss the financial matters which i m handling.

    pls tell
    my question was" is my MIL right in her way that she asks me to payoff the borrowed money of her younger son. would she not responsible to ask my husband
     
  4. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Yes. It is unfair to expect you to repay the debt right now especially when your family is struggling to make ends meet.
    If it were me, I would wash my hands off the debt your husband took from his brother (esp if they are not in any difficulty). Let him repay when he starts earning. If your mil asks, tell her that you will try. But you need either a raise in current income or husband's income to start repayment.

    Discuss with husband on an end date for this search for suitable job and to actually start doing something. Save a little portion of your money for a rainy day since it seems like you don't have anyone looking out for you.

    Also, is the home in your joint name at least. If not I would be cautious about paying the home loan as well.
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You can tell her to ask her son to repay money to his brother. Or say yeah ,we will try, once he gets job, he will pay. Mom, please mention this to your son too.

    But discuss with your husband and ask him to repay.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2019

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