1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

depressed - due to post partum depression and abusive ILs

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Aish_112, Feb 11, 2008.

  1. Aish_112

    Aish_112 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all!
    My google search helped me to land in this wonderful site, and u ladies are doing a GR8 job . I hope u plp would also help me ..

    Mine was a arranged marriage and i married 1 1/2 yrs ago.. with few months of marriage i got pregnant..i delivered my baby just few months back..

    My hubby had to go abroad on a contract with few months of marriage..so he left me in care of my parents. so for delivery i came to my parents place...
    My In laws too live in the same city..
    i returned to my inlaws place wen my baby was 3 months old
    Just as others have, i too have my own shares of in laws woes..

    i have a very abusive FIL.. who at the drop of hat throws hurting words at my parents and toward me for no reason..

    My Mil.. i would say i have never seen a color changing chameleon like her.. though she looks very innocent she isnt so..
    she behave differently with me wen alone. and different wen hubby is present..

    and my hubby is a very short tempered person..i have lived with him just for 6 months..and then he left me at my mom place for delivery and went abroad.

    i would say i have handled these issues till my delivery.. but these days i m unable to bear words.. from my inlaws..
    i always feel depressed at the end of the day i end up crying as i m very sensitive..
    i don't feel hungry,neither do i talk as i used to before.
    i remain silent the whole day and i hardly talk a few words..
    My Dh is returning back next month.. we hardly talk on phone as he is busy with his work..
    at times i feel like dying but looking at my little one face.i change my mind..
    i m Depressed..and this is spoiling my relationship with my hubby and Inlaws.

    can u ladies suggest me how u handled post partum depression..pls help me

    Thanks
     
    Loading...

  2. ansh12

    ansh12 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    436
    Likes Received:
    26
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: depressed

    Hi aish

    First of congratulations on becoming motherhood.

    Secondly, please consult a doctor, I feel its the case of post-natal depression. many ladies go through it.

    One cannot do anything about behaviour of your in-laws, but the only person, who may change or understand you with time is your husband. Involve him in taking care of your daughter.

    Don't have negative thoughts. talk it out through this forum.

    I hope this helps
    Ansh12
     
  3. JayaJ

    JayaJ Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: depressed

    Dear Aish,

    It was quite disturbing to read your post.

    The reason for you becoming sensitive could be:
    1. As you have aptly described, post partum depression - basically hormone overdrive
    2. Inlaw problems
    3. Not so close relationship with your husband

    I am no expert but i think the above could be the reasons that have made you vulnerable right now.
    Firstly, i would say, take a deep breath and calm down. Clear your mind of the clutter.
    Lets sort it out one by one. Looking after a baby so young and having to bear all the responsibility alone is taking its toll on you.

    I too have been through post partum depression and i know what its like. I used to cry at the drop of a hat and sometimes still do - surprisingly i never used to cry before childbirth.
    Its your hormones working overtime and making us very emotional and vulnerable.
    Cry if it affects you and then, forget it and move on. Dont brood over it. Dont let it affect you very deeply. Take it in your stride. Focus you attention on the positives in your life like your baby.

    Secondly, your in-laws - i suggest you put your foot down and let your in-laws know that you will not tolerate being treated as a doormat. Stand up for your rights - not by fighting with them but by being firm and assertive.

    If you know that you have not done anything wrong, then, dont listen to them. Just walk away saying u dont think u did anything wrong. Ignore their rantings and raving.

    Dont share anything with ur mil as you say she changes color. Talk to your parents instead. A mother will always understand her daughter.

    For a breather, take your child to your parent's place once in a while or during hte weekend if they live in the same city. Or if you have friends, take your baby with you. It will be a good change for you.

    Make time for yourself and your baby. Take up some hobby if you have time to spare. that will keep you occupied.

    Talk cheerfully to your husband whenever he calls. Talk to him at length about what the baby does, how you miss him, stuff like that. Dont be crushed if he doesnt respond in a similar way. It will take time. have patience.

    Hope this helps.

    Take care
     
  4. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    753
    Likes Received:
    122
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: depressed

    Hi,

    First of all I would like to give you a big hug. I think you are feeling depressed because of all the reasons that Jaya has stated. I also had postpartum depression and came out of it very recently. I did not take anti-depressants. My husband was not very supportive after delivery due to some health issues that he had and I had major issues with my in-laws. I had a stressful job and balancing work and home was extremely tough. Now things are much better.

    I would suggest you take up some meditation program like the Art of Living course. I took up the art of living program in Dec, 2007 and I am feeling much, much better. I have been practicing the kriya only for about a month or so. My thought patterns have improved dramatically. The Sudarshan kriya practice definitely has a lot of positive effect. It did not change things overnight but over a period of time I am seeing lot of positive change.

    Also I developed some very good friendships through Indus ladies. One of the IL members Soaring spirit was extremely supportive. When I was under depression I realized that I was under a lot of negativity. My mind would repeatedly keep going into negative thought patterns. I would feel resentful about everybody. You need to come out of this negative state of mind. Try to do pranayama, yoga etc. Develop a good circle of friends. You may also need a change of place. Leave your in-laws and stay with your parents for sometime. I hope this helps.

    Thanks,
    Kavya.
     
  5. Aish_112

    Aish_112 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: depressed


    Hi Ansh
    Thank U for u reply.. yes wat u say is rite i can'nt change any one..
    thats the reason u c my post here.. my hubby will be back here in next month. i donnt wat to create any fuss/fight with him and create a dent in our relationship..i hope i come out of this soon..
    Thanks once again..
     
  6. Aish_112

    Aish_112 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: depressed

    Dear JaYA,
    Thanks ur ur reply..
    watu say is 100% rite.. My mil/Fil dodnt help me in any work.. i have to manage home+baby..on top of these my inlaws never ending demands..gossips..so no time for me..
    i m planning to have a maid to help me in home chore..
    i hope Fil doesnt create a scene ..
    I m planning to visit My brother in other town for a month..
    Thanks
    Tc
     
  7. Aish_112

    Aish_112 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: depressed


    Dear Kavya,
    My hubby is retuning next month..and i dodnt want to create a fight and make a dent in relationship ..and managing home+baby+Inlaws has left me with no time to spare for my self..
    wat u say is rite..
    My mind is filled with neg thoughts..that i fail to c the positive side..
    hope my visit to my brother place gives me some rest/change me ..
    yes i will try to join yoga/Art of living classes..
    Yes Indus ladies is the rite place for we women to vent our heart or asking help
     
  8. kavya007

    kavya007 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    753
    Likes Received:
    122
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: depressed

    Hi Aish,

    You don't have to go to your parents house with a fight. Just say that you are feeling very tired and you want to go. During this delicate time it is very important to take care of yourself. Your body is going through lot of changes. Added to that if your child does not sleep well during the night you need time to get adjusted to the next sleep pattern. Your mental peace and happiness is paramount. This will greatly affect the quality of your relationship with your child and with all other family members. When I was depressed sometimes I would not even feel like playing with my child. I realized that I was giving too much importance to hubby and in-laws. Don't give too much importance to your in-laws or hubby. They are just relationships we form in life. They are not everything in our life. First take care of your mental and physical health. I live in the US so I did not have the luxury of going to my parents house when I wanted. But fortunately I found some good friends and decided to take up the yoga classes. I hope this helps. Do take care of yourself first.

    Thanks,
    Kavya


     

Share This Page