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Delivery In November Neither Mom Nor In Laws Interested In Asking About Me :(

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shwetapj, Oct 4, 2016.

  1. polymorphic

    polymorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    shwetapj,

    Sometimes this can be a blessing in disguise. There are many benefits to this. You can take care of the baby your way and not have anyone constantly judge you when you are sleep-deprived, depressed. You can have maids, mom, mil.. finally the baby needs you and you will see that only can manage the baby. There will be fewer people trying to show off their expertise on motherhood and what a great mother they were(there is no way to find out :) ) You are right in saying that you would need moral support but you have to understand you cannot force it out of people. Instead, it can be more stressful for you. Speaking from experience :)
     
  2. Bhanulakshmi

    Bhanulakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi shwethapj,
    Congratulations u r nearing ur pregnancy due date..
    I have to tell u that u r in a better position than some of us..
    U have got help to take care of cooking n household activities..
    My husband n myself will be taking care of our baby alone..
    My due is oct25..
    We tried to obtain help here in US but we couldnt get it..
    i know its hard to digest the fact of no help frm our dear ones..
    I can tell u not to have that same attitude towards ur baby..
    Ur baby needs u in good health to take care of her/him..
    Regarding babyshower n all i can tell u guys spend some time with ur husband ,u guys get ready n take pictures urself n save these precious memories..
    As some of them mentioned, having these rituals between two not getting along families leave unnecessary pressure on us..
    Stay with positivity...
    All the best dear..tc
     
  3. StrongLady

    StrongLady Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Op,

    Congratulations. My best wishes to u.

    First of all. Pls tell what's the reason of ur mom not having interest. Curious to know her thinking.
    Not even for baby shower and a week or no excitement.
    Why exactly.

    It is very hard. U Cannot do alone even If u have cook and maid. You will be tired, in pain and cannot even walk a lot. And ur baby needs lot of work.
    First delivery is very tough. U will not know how to do things.
    Every 2 hrs diaper change, infact 1 hr also sometimes.
    Bathing a new born shud be done by elders, how will u bath baby every day.
    Ur hus band may also not know and he cannot do.
    Breast feeding also needs elder person.

    I don't want to scare but want to tell u to be more prepared. U need maid 24 hra. Someone who can carry baby and feed. So that u can sleep.



     
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  4. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    OP, congratulations dear. Ur a very strong lady and an independent woman. Kudos to your strength, personality and ability to see through situations. Ur doing great. Keep at it. I am sure You will do great.All the best.

    If it helps you, I would like to share my experience.
    First pregnancy, MIL only showed that she is happy to get the news but she never asked if I needed any help. My mom came 2 months before my due date, stayed with me 3 months after delivery, was my strength in a very tough time. But she was being judged by MIL, my side of relatives and everyone was forcing her to return to India asap. I was recovering but I could not see you mom I emotional torture from MIL and other relatives.
    To this day, I thank god that MIL didn't come or offer to help me.

    When my co-sis got pregnant, MIL made her life misrable, so much so that her husband and my husband had to make a plan to bring her to USA to separate her from my disturbed pregnant co-sis in India. It worked for 3 months but then I came to India for family emergency and MIL came with me, 2 weeks before co-sis due date. She gave no support to co-sis, instead started judging every move and decision made by co-sis.
     
  5. shwetapj

    shwetapj Silver IL'ite

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    Hello ladies!

    Thanks for your support and encouraging me during this tough phase. Sometimes, we over react on a situation before it actually happens. and in the end the situation never happens. Also , I am thank full to all of you for showing me the support and I feel more confident that I can take care of everything alone in spite of all the adversities and hostilities. After all, being a mother, teaches one to be prepared for all come what may for their kids.




     
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  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP

    Congrats on your pregnancy.

    Your situation is understood. When parents and in laws can't/don't want to come for help, we can't force them either. The non-willing parent/in law would be very tough to manage during your postpartum. It is better you handle everything alone than having an annoying person together.

    Since you chose to work after delivery, and both your H and you have prioritized your H's business over your childbirth/postpartum for a reason, I wouldn't comment on that. To each their own. You know your circumstance better than me or anyone else.

    Since you know better that you are gonna be alone during this tough journey, at this juncture all you need is some positive vibes and planning.
    Rest assured that you can face it well. An understanding husband, and his love is more important than someone near you during this time.

    Since you have help for cooking, cleaning etc... see whether you can have a nurse for the first few weeks. At least to support during the day for the feeding etc. It may become difficult and confusing in the first time, specially breast feeding and other things.
    If your maid or helper is reliable, and good you may get some help from them too.

    If someone could look after the baby and allow you to sleep whenever it is possible, then that's what the help all the new moms would yearn for. See whether you have a reliable friend or nanny.

    After a few weeks, you will be used to it. Good luck
     
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  7. shwetapj

    shwetapj Silver IL'ite

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    Hello SGBV

    Thanks for your reply. I have help for cooking and cleaning. When ever I need guidance on feeding or anything else, the cook might help me. Probably in a few weeks I should be able to handle everything on my own. Also before leaving the hospital I would be taking full guidance on breastfeeding, medicines, cleaning and diaper changing from Doc and Nurses. Also I work from Home, so after I am done with feeding and put the baby to sleep I would be getting back to my work. I wont be working the whole day just an hour or 2 at a stretch in the day and in the evening is enough for me (which I would be doing only when the baby is sleeping).
    NOt to forget my DH will be there with me for his support and Love. The only issue is having enough rest , i cannot predict the situation now, but I will try to get enough sleep whenever possible.
    Working is a priority at the moment because If I leave work, our income will stop. That is why, we cannot leave it.

     
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  8. ssg

    ssg Bronze IL'ite

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    Shwetapj,

    As Stronglady and SGBV suggested you need lot of rest.
    I didnt had my parents and inlaws during my delivery. I had a cook, my sister in hospital and sent me meals too and my husband was there. still some challenges i faced.
    suggestions.
    1. Don't plan to work at least for first 8 weeks. so that you recover completely. then you can work. thats my suggestion as you already dont have any one.
    2. Be prepared you will emotionally feeling very sad and crying due to post partum depression. i usually dont cry but during that time did cry a lot remembering my mom dad etc.
    3. you have smartphone, if you have smartphone and internet will help you a lot. more than your cook about lot of suggestions.
    4. get , bed side sleeper, ask someone who had baby and get all shopping. usually baby clothes get small or big, so your husband can get those when required.

    challenges
    1. I had C-section and was painful. I took lot of painkillers with doctors suggestion. physically challenging.
    2. I would end up doing arranging, clothes, baby diapers etc during baby sleeping time and i myself used to have less time for sleeping.
    3. every 2 hours, feeding baby, then pumping, then diaper changes, then eating. there will be no idle time at all.
    Bathing the baby was the main challenge and baby got cold within a month and it was very sad.

    I took classes of breastfeeding, latching is the main issue with babies and my baby did well. However it is very painful and first time mothers get confused end up doing mistakes.
    I cannot write all that here, but please read a lot of breastfeeding, challenges, how you can handle it. Main thing is diet.

    I had a cook, i used to eat every 2-3 hours. Drink lots of water. I asked my sister and lot of friends about the excellent diet. I ate lot of oat meal bars,garlic bread, there used to be big bottle of water and garlic bread for night time snacks.
    You need someone to get them for you, even walking for 2 mins would make me whole body ache.
    sometimes you may feel energetic to do, but it will show later on your body. so take as much rest as you can.

    what your mom saying that you dont need help is not at all true, however you are doing it as you dont have any choice.

     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2016
  9. shwetapj

    shwetapj Silver IL'ite

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    Hello @ssg
    Yes the issue here is i have no option and no help. I know very well i would be compromising on my health a lot. I dnt know whether my trying to boost my morale or trying wriggle off her responsibilities as to be honest she is a very lazy woman. I am like stuck in a situation with challenges both physical and mental infront of me
     
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  10. ssg

    ssg Bronze IL'ite

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    Being Lazy is understandable and we can accept that to some extent.
    however definitely strange that your parents dont even have interest of a baby shower etc. leave about physical work, but showing the love and want to carry your grandchild etc.....
    anyways be prepared, be happy thinking about your baby, all the best.


     
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