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Defeated.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by jmsd, Aug 9, 2022.

  1. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    I am posting after a long time.
    I am not seeking a solution.
    I am just documenting for people ,however anonymous ,to know that the D-day where I realize that everything was a lie and all my efforts a waste is here .
    All my life I lived for my family.
    My mom a sufferer of NPD and the first exploiter of the goodness of my heart who ,I am still looking after in my house thinks of me poorly and badmouths me in the neighborhood.
    I was tremendously attached to my brother and could do everything for him. I have realized that he was only using me to keep his life smooth.
    When you are blinded by love ,you cannot see through people that well.
    My brother's wife primarily got married to get the US citizenship. She got the kind of life and in laws 99 percent of Indian girls only dream of. She chose to kick us all out of their lives. And Boy! she worked very smartly at that. Full marks to her.
    My husband's family is a typically exploitative Indian family.
    My husband a typical insecure smothering Indian male.
    I have kids.
    I live for I have my responsibilities towards them.I'll see that I fulfill each one of them.
    Unlike men I cannot just quit.
    But really ,I just want to live alone in a quiet corner of the world where no one knows me or speaks my language or vice versa. But that is not an option for a woman.
    So I live on. Here .Inside my cage. One day at a time. Thankful that the last day is over. Stressed that there is another one to pass.
    There are so many more to go.
     
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  2. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    You are not defeated you went through a difficult phase and saw true colors of people.
    Be strong and focus on your future. Now you know how people behave keep your guards up.
     
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  3. sociallifein30s

    sociallifein30s Silver IL'ite

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    Not a solution, but an observation in your text - you said you want to live in a quiet place where no one knows you. Staying silently is actually very therapeautic. It clears your mind.
    If you can afford, then please do send children to day care and rent a room for yourselves and stay there till 5 pm. then go home. I think you need peace and calmness in mind. You can get such shared rooms in an apartment where students or working women stay. since it will be shared expense, it will be affordable too.
     
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  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Peace be with you. You understood how the real world is.
     
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  5. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    Good thing you learned the people around you at least now. I understand you need some time to go over, take your time and sit in a quiet place where you can find a room in your home and relax.

    I had some bitter experience in India ... Good thing they showed me who they are and how cunning internally but showing a sweet face outside. But I should thank them for giving this experience otherwise I would be stupid and trusting them..

    Focus on you and your kids, do the things you like( movies, make up, well dressed or food). No one in the world can help you except yourself, take your time and keep you busy. Please don't stress yourself for the people who don't deserve your affection/caring.
     
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  6. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Am working too.
    Terribly busy.
    It does take my mind off for sometime but does not dull the pain.I really wish to take a sabbatical and go off to some corner of world just to process my feelings and reinvent myself.Would have done that but kids keep my tied.
     
  7. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    It's hard when it's your own blood.
    And they know that you love and care.
     
  8. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for responding here.
    Truth has hit me like a sledgehammer and it's is strange but other people, practically strangers and anonymous empathizing with you somehow is reassuring.
    Right now it's like that someone does understand my pain.Thanks again
     
  9. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Consider it as a learning experience. It takes time to come out of a bad phase in your life. Sending you healing prayers and positive vibes to remove all toxic ones from your life. I am sure you will come out of it. Give some time. Relax and pamper yourself as much you can.

    Wish you a beautiful life ahead, a new beginning as a strong and smart woman..Believe in yourself. The best revenge to these people are being the best version you can and have a better and great life without them.
     
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