Defeated by PCOS

Dear Friends,

I have come here to cry today.

I am trying to lose weight with PCOS since long, and have been faltering alot lately.

I decided to bring myself in rhythm since a few days, and today when I woke up, I found that I have gained weight!

I was so shattered, I was in a gloomy mood throughout the day, then to make things worse, I got a rejection call from one of my prospective grooms. They said that the horoscope didn't match, but when we matched, it was matching perfectly. I think they were just lying, they probably didn't like my profile.

I am at my wits end with PCOS!!

I have been battling this dreadful condition since the age of 9 or 10. I couldn't do much about it then because I lacked resources.

I was on and off medication, which probably worsened my condition.

By the time I finished college, I was in a pathetic condition, I was obese, had irregular periods, and high blood pressure.

I had to take a break, I sat at home right after college, so that I could take proper treatment for it, and follow a good diet and exercise regimen.
My friends got lucrative jobs in their field, while was left out just because of PCOS.

I was happy initially as I was slowly losing weight, I managed to lose 20kgs with diet, exercise and metformin, my periods regularised and my blood pressure was also normal. When I went for my sonography my cysts had also reduced,but then I stopped losing weight.

And now to my horror the weight is creeping back kilo by kilo! I am devastated, I am feeling like my 2 years of sacrifice and hard work is going down the drain!

I still need to lose alot of weight, I am still in the obese category.

My weight has plateaud since almost 1 year now, I am trying as much as all the ladies out here, but because of this damn PCOS, my weight is just not going down further!

Had I been a normal healthy girl, I would have lost almost 40 kgs with this kind of effort.

What is worse is that I can't do much about it. I live in a backward country in Africa, where there are no endocrinologists nor dietitians from whom I can seek professional help, I just have to suffer in silence as I have before!

I am feeling so hollow from within, I feel I will never be able to find a husband, even if do manage to find one, he will not be pleased with me, neither will I be able to bear him children!

Despite the weight loss, my hirsutism has not reduced, infact it has increased, it is all over my face! I gave coarse hair in my chin and neck, and thin hair all over my cheeks. This is really hurting my ego!

When I read PCOS related infertility threads here, my heart starts shivering.

PCOS is the centre of my life, my life revolves around it, I hardly have any space in my mind for other things in life, not even my career.

I am constantly reading diet books, or looking for some information on the net regarding PCOS or weightloss, healthy recipes, or motivational videos on youtube.

But nothing seems to be working. I feel like a loser.

My weight is badly affecting my morale, I have already paid a heavy price for me being overweight during my school and college years.

I don't know what to do, I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel my life is over.

Thank you for listening.

 

Dear SunNaa,

Thank you so much for your reply. You were always a motivation for all, especially on the '15 days no junk challenge.'

You're right, but the problem is my weight is not going down since almost 1 year now.
This is the reason I am feeling so hopeless.

Yes, I think I am taking too much stress for it, but that is because weight loss is the motto of my life right now, I have given up on other things right now just for that, and I am not able to do even that.
I guess for some days I will stop weighing myself everyday, because that is the cause of all problems, my mood for the rest of the day is decided by the number I see on the scale every morning.
I will continue with my diet and exercise and keep telling myself I am losing weight, without stepping on the scale.

You're right again, I think I have developed an addiction of staying unhappy unknowingly because of my past..........time I snap out of it!
I will maintain a vision diary like the one in 'The Secret' and right down all the good things I have and all the good things I want in future

Yes, but I am just hoping that I can conceive naturally and with ease.

I am really glad to get a reply from you, thank you dear

 

Dear SGA,

Thank you soooooooo much for your very wise, detailed advice and kind words.
When I wrote this thread I had you in mind, and I was really hoping you come and help me see some light, and here you are!!

1) Yes, I am tensed with exam, and hence have derailed from my diet, but what is happening is that, when I do anything wrong, my weight starts coming back immediately, but when I follow everything even continuosly for more than a month, the weight sticks, it doesn't go down, that is what is disheartening!

2) I didn't like this guy, but getting rejected by so many guys, that too on horoscope basis( don't know how far it is true) is really frustrating............. I haven't progressed to meeting even one guy in person since the last one year, also because I am not in India, but things don't seem to move ahead, and I feel really bad about that.

I have decided not to log onto these silly matrimonial sites until I am done with my exams, because it really disturbs my peace of mind.

3) I turned 27 this month, I had managed to bring down my weight to 82kgs, but it didn't go down any further, and then it started increasing, now it is 85 kgs. Last year March my weight was 85kgs, now by March this year, again I will be the same weight, that ia what I a feeling bad about.

One year to break a plateau is way too much time.

That is why I feel I need professional help, because all the other things here like calorie cycling etc don't seem to be working, and I don't have any means of getting any kind of professional help.

4) When I went to my gyneac, she told me the cysts have reduced, but when I asked her if it will clear completely she said no! And even regarding hirsutism she said it will never go completely. My testosterone was normal, even then I have hirsutism, I fail to understand that.

5) Actually my fear with infertility was there even during school and college days, but just somewhere in the background, but since the last one month, it is all I seem to be thinking about. I checked some forums on PCOS including ours, because I wanted to break the plateau.........and to my dismay I discoverd women ranting non stop about their infertility issues! And since that day, I seem to unknowingly come across all infertillity realted queries here. I was so shocked, I didn't know PCOS causes that much of an issue with conceiving.............Reading those posts made me feel like getting up and start helping myself with it before it gets too late, but ofcourse that is not possible for me right now.

You are so positive, I really like that about you, you the most positive and motivating person here on the PCOS forums.
But 51 kgs is very good weight, even for a normal person!
I think metformin will help to regularise your periods and help to reduce your cysts.

I will try to be positive henceforth, and as I wrote earlier will stay away from the scale for a while.

With your kind of attitude,one day you will definately reach your goal! And also find the man of your dreams

Thank you once again, couldn't have done without you!