Decision Making Tools

I gave this some deep thought. Very rarely we make joint decisions. It is mostly one person makes a decision and the other agrees or asks for more information, options.

Dr. John Gottman, America's foremost researcher of marriage and families, estimated that 69% of the ongoing problems and frustrations in any given relationship are perpetual problems, in that they are innate to the individual and therefore permanent and unsolvable. These problems cannot be solved; they can only be managed. The couple is better off working around those problems than trying to fix those.

A husband who doesn't like to take decisions at all or in some areas is not going to change. After 10, 15 or more years of marriage, it is not worth trying to change something so basic in the spouse.

When inputs or help on a decision are not forthcoming, I've learnt over time that we are more at peace if I just take the decision and remind myself at all times that I am taking it based on what I know. When I take a decision, I kind of make a mental note to myself, "Remember, you are taking this after having researched it in depth." This started way back when my second child was a few days old and I had to take some important decisions independently though sure of H's unquestioned support then and later.

It helps that sufficient "wrong" decisions have taught me the futility of blaming myself for the outcome of past decisions.

So, a combination of learning how to improve one's decision making skills along with consciously not blaming oneself is the key. The exact tools to take more informed decisions will depend on the kind of decision, as noted by Minion above. But one common thing I have found is the use of paid, professional opinion and in some cases, a paid second opinion.