Decision Making Tools

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by mangaii, Apr 14, 2020.

  1. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    What kind of tools do you use to make decisions ? My DH never makes any decision . He just thinks if he doesn’t make any decision things will happen on its own . I’m exact opposite and don’t think much to make decisions .I recently understood that I blame myself if things go wrong because ultimately I make all the decisions . I really don’t want this to continue . I want to help both of us to learn this skill. The reason maybe he never got a chance in life to make decisions while my whole life from the time I was young I made all the decisions . I think it is important skill to develop . So what tools do you use to make decisions ? On an average how much research and time you invest on making decisions ? How much does friends and family play a role ? Do you use intuition to make decisions ?
     
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  2. abcd5

    abcd5 Silver IL'ite

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    When I make a decision, I don’t ask my friends or family exempt my husband but I ask in the public forum/Facebook groups/online research and it gives me a different perspective from different people. If you share with your family/friends, they will try to influence/follow up with you.I used to share with my friends and family, and many times it became a big headache.
     
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  3. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    Before taking a decision, I analyze myself with different scenarios (past if I did any mistake). Next I will ask very few friends or just 1 friend whom I can trust. Then I will post my questions on online forum. Usually I don't ask family circle...may be last option just to see what they say but I usually don't follow.
     
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  4. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Gold IL'ite

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    You may have heard of one way and two way door decisions.
    Whenever possible i try to think through which of the above it fits into.
    Since you take major decisions and then live through the guilt of it if it doesnt work your way try to see if it is one or two way decision. this way you wont blame yourself if it doesnt work because you can mitigate your losses. loss could be monetary , relationship wise , experience wise etc.
    dont spend a lot of time doing research ..internet research is vast and never ending plus you would never find any solution which is 100% this or that way. this in cases of relatively small issues where you can take the risk and bear the losses . if things do not work your way , stop and revert your decision to cut the losses.
    i assume we dont make very big decisions often in our daily life . big decisions here could be in terms of relationships , kids , investments , navigating challenging family situations etc which often become one way because of the amount of emotions and or money involved . definitely think through it , read , research , analyze risks and benefits and your capacity of calculated risk taking and discuss with experts . give some thought to your intuition if you think your intuitions have served you well in the past ... i would not discuss with family / friends except if someone you really really trust to give you a rational advice. however definitely take into consideration discussing the decision making with people who would be impacted with it . its always better to ask anonymously to get an unbiased fresh eye view online then being judged by people we know . even if its a big decision i would see if i can split it into smaller bits which can be two way and losses bearable.
    once you know the worst case scenario and if you can bear it the guilt would be less , more confidence and more positivity it will bring upon you to leap onto bigger decisions .
    i have not tried everything successfully yet but i do try on taking as many small decisions as i can keeping in mind my capacity of risk taking .
    i would also look forward to more suggestions this thread would bring . nice topic @ mangaii
     
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  5. Positivity02

    Positivity02 Silver IL'ite

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    In our family, if we have to take any big decision, myself and hubby would do our own research first. Then we both discuss our views, make list of pros and cons , possible scenario and outcomes etc., We make the final decision when we both are convinced factually.
    If things don't go as expected, we try to avoid blaming and analyse what went wrong and learn the lesson for next time.
    We mostly don't discuss anything with either of our families initially and inform only when required.
     
  6. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Positivity has a good point. This is what I follow too. When I was single I would go with what I want, not necessarily what is best. But now as a family, we make the decisions together. We weighs in pros and cons, and then weigh in on what we want according to our hearts. Best example: He was offered a job with green card and he got another job offer from a university in India at the same time, even the time line was the same on when he had to make a decision . We went with the option of job with green card, even if it had many cons but we thought that is what we want at the time. After we make a decision, it is easy for me to move on, but DH will revisit the other scenario so many times, even if it is not doable now. This gives him restlessness, but it is not in my control. I try to reassure him both scenarios had pros, and remind him why we went with this. That helps to some extent. Sometimes things don't work out like we want it to. but remind yourself why you decided to go with one option in the first place.
     
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  7. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    @Caughtinbetween totally agree!
     
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  8. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

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    Decision making comes partly by the way we are raised and in the environment we are raised.
    Parents who do not interfere too much into their growing children's lives usually encourage them to take their decisions in their best interest. Whether it turns right or not that nobody can assure.
    If wrong, we only learn the lesson and grow more alert, aware and mature.
    If right, it gives self confidence to trust our inner conscience to take correct decisions.

    Some men are poor at decision making if thwir parents especially mother takes every small decision for the son even after he is adult and married! Such men think they cant take any decision by themselves and depend on others for it.

    While men encouraged from childhood to take their decision and are given space usually grow into independent adults who are confident to take decisions on their own good or bad after analysing in depth.

    I prefer taking my own decisions which I feel is right for me at that point of time.
    Later, I might feel I should have not taken that decision at that point or given some more thought or analyse but oh well, that's human tendency.
    Whenever we feel things don't go as we expect to, we tend to go back and analyse the decisions we took and then feel guilty or regret. Its normal.

    In my life, I did mistakes by letting my parents take some important decisions of my life because of the upbringing where kids are expected to obey to whatever parents say or do!

    After facing the worst consequences of my parents wrong decision (though for them, they took it in the best interest of me even though I did sense something not right but was sushed by them), I have now taken my life in my hands.

    I take my own decisions. Some based on experience and maturity with age, some based on lessons learnt from past, some based on general sense of awareness.

    If its very personal or big decision like financial investment - i seek advice of my friend who has knowledge on this more.

    If its about marital relationship issues - confide in only to 1 or 2 friends whom i trust and know that they wont judge me and also give me right advice.

    Ofcourse anonymous forums like IL is a blessing to ask for unbiased advices for anything under the sun (though I do see some moral policing accounts who comment harshly to the OP who is already under pain and sharing her issue!).
     
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  9. Novalis

    Novalis Gold IL'ite

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    In the book "Wisdom Paradox", Elkhonon Goldberg, a neurologist at the New York University School of Medicine stated: "as we age, we get better and better at pattern recognition as we accumulate an increasing number of cognitive templates. Decision making takes the form of pattern-recognition rather than problem-solving."

    Highlighted in crimson red that insight. Isn't it true that as we age we transition from the intricacy of problem-solving to an elementary sense or feel of the situation by identifying the emerging pattern in it.

    Even though the books Thinking, Fast and Slow, by Daniel Kahneman, and Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions, by Dan Ariely, are touted as the best material on behavioural science and toolkit of decision-making, I found Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, by Malcolm Gladwell, and The Art of Thinking Clearly: Better Thinking, Better Decisions, by Rolf Dobelli, more convenient to import in moderate and fluent thinking.

    Burying oneself with these books endlessly is not recommended, just skim through conceptual models, analogies like coup d'œil in decision-making that corresponds to glimpse or glance in English, purposed in a military surveillance that 'refers to the ability to discern at one glance the tactical advantages and disadvantages of the terrain.' Sometimes, even instinctual cognitive models are explained with nuances and caveats.

    Finally, even if decision making is a well-studied science, the buoyancy in that decision-making is an art, which means, our willingness to repair ongoing setbacks in the wake of a decision must be far greater than our insistence to reproach our original belief.

    The takeaway for me on studying these books is to cultivate robust pattern-recognition over sliced problem-solving, unless one is Einstein who once quipped that 'a clever person solves a problem whereas a wise person avoids it', as the ascension in that decision-forking and problem-solving paradigm.
     
  10. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    @mangaii can you share some examples of what type of decisions, because you can not use the the same tool for everything.
     

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