Decade Of Marriage With In-laws Issues

Hi all!
DH and me love each other very much, we married inter caste ten years back..I wouls spare all of you from the usual details of in laws issues, esp in our case since it was love marriage. few things as background:

1. DH- loving, caring, nicest guy, has his moments of ego issues, BUT he is blind to the issues I have as usual, he admits the problem and also takes action now..but his standing in his home is not so good, as compared to his younger brother who is aggressive and bully..in laws favor younger BIL and his wife and kids..
2. we have 1 kid, and one on the way. we had our kids late..
3. we live in USA and DH brother and sister live in India with their families both out of town from parents in law.
4. FIL- very greedy and miser, favors BIL and wife and his kids, my son never got anything from him..I should say they never gifted a single saree or anything to me till this date. I can just write on and on the tales my FIL extreme miserness he has shown me in my married life..leave me alone, he has no love and affection for my son, which my DH cannot see.
5. MIL- very manipulative and back stabber, hates me, always compares me to her daughter..
6. BIL- ditto as FIL, one step ahead..in fact more cleverer and miser, bully, does not consider my husband as elder brother and manipulated him a lot, no brotherly affection, no emotions..DH is blind to all this despite the facts shown to him
7.- co-sister: jealous, gossiper, and just like her husband they both try to feed parents in law to get more property etc from them, follows occult methods and black magic, really scared of staying with her..
8.- SIL- drama queen, again no affection jealous of me, child snatcher (never let her kids talk to me in these years, her kids are very formal and they dont even greet me like an aunt) but when my kid was born, she wants all of him....his pics, videos, facetime everything, she never shared her pics, her kids pics etc with us..i have managed to keep her away....FIL dotes on her.


I never wanted to paint a negative pic on all but this is true..I have done my best to get involved in family but all I get still is an outsider treatment...,I am fed up of living this life, lots of fights with my husband..we still love each other but we are not happy..and this is when we live in USA away from them......

my main concern now is:

- I am not able to handle the fact that they favor BIL kids over mine. after all he is their grandson..I have never faced such stuff in my life, my grandparents used to dote on all of us...none felt left out..but my kid is going to feel this when he gets lil older....in front of my dh, they talk affectionately to him but in side core I know what they are doing..they have never given any gift to him..he is 4 yrs old while the others they give..when I objected enough, the BIL and co sister have stopped telling what they are getting as gifts...my husband sends them money every month and all they do with his money is spend on other kids....my son gets N.O.T.H.I.N.G. not even blessings, i had to ask my FIL to give him blessings..its so real and literal i can see no affection in them on my kid , how my DH is unable to see it? why is he blind? I have always been polite, nice respectful to them, in my first 6 years of marriage, I always sent gifts on occasions, all I get in return is jealousy, lack of acknowledgments,..their excuse is we are far they cant send anything...which is lame because they can send it easily..even when we are there, my FIL does not spend anything on my kids fruits, we even had to go get the ghee and veggies when we stayed there..while when my BIL came, my FIL got all the kids fav fruits etc..this is blantant and real and am constantly in shock how come my DH is becoming blind to all this....

 

Hi Rajeswari,
Thanks for your reply, I am following what you have suggested, After reading your post I felt relieved that I am on right path..I have been avoiding them..initially there used to be whatsapp chat texts that used to bother, now we have conveyed that I dont use whatsapp..my FIL acts as if he does not know why I dont talk to him every week..DH calls him everyday when going to office which is OK with me, he is attached to his parents esp after coming to USA he misses them....for long until this year, I have been trying tooth and nail to preserve the harmony and warmth in relation, I was clear to my FIL as to what bothers me in polite and diplomatic ways,..he gets them and then he repeatedly does the same things to hurt me, my MIL is also like this..there is never equality in relation with my family as compared to others......this has affected my health so much...that finally I told me DH its best for my sanity and health to maintain relation distantly as in wishing them on festivals and birthdays only ...it has calmed me down, my FIL became very aggressive as why I am not talking to him...I finally learnt he wants to hurt me by knowing first what hurts me and then keep doing it and behave innocent....it was tough initially to handle his persistence and aggressiveness, my DH told them she is busy with toddler and her phone is acting weird...etc we made excuses...I am so much happy and calm after all this and I am going to follow this for the rest of my association with him....
thanks for the post...
other ladies inputs welcome!

 

Thanks Guesshoo!
Yes I do talk to them sparingly now...I just wish, ask about their health and give the phone to DH...its working perfectly fine for me... sometimes, when we are sitting idle, thinking about these bitter things make me feel and think irrationally..feel frustrated but I do meditation and listen to bhajans etc...I know prayers have lot of strength...I think so much because I want to make sure I dont do any bad karmas...from my side, I am pure and clean with heart..All I am doing is being defensive..defending my health , peace of mind..

 

Thanks YoGirl..thanks for your reply and inputs..I know, my God knows, I have put my best efforts to be part of the family in every possible way...despite my jealous and insecure SIL doing best to harm me..to separate me and DH...so they could get some other girl to marry him off but he was adamant to marry me and I also love my DH very much..we are emotionally very attached....I tried to understand thier point of view..that their ego might have been hurt etc..but I did my best..my and DH studied in same university here in US did our MS together..in different streams..so we spent lot of student time together..right now I am SAHM...
my BIL they married him arranged but you know what happened?they could not get along with my co sister as well..within a few months of marriage, she wanted to stay separate from them....my BIL family also havent stayed with them even though in same city but still they favor her in front of me....when I met my co sister, she had soooo much negative to talk about my in laws to me..and my MIL also talked a lot of negative things about her to me...there was so much negativity...I know behind my back, they would be talking about me as well...so I just want to maintain cordial relations with them by being distant..I know I should have seen guys family before marrying but I was too young..and I know I am not marrying the wrong guy....my DH is good, mental compatibility (except little issues here and there) is overall good..

 

Thanks soulful... I know blessings should be from heart..they are juts doing their karmas by being unfair....but still it pains....I try to neglect it..and of course we have provided for our kid the best and would keep doing so....its hard to convince DH when they try to manipulate and sometimes he doesnt see to it...so there are arguments which creates bad environ at home...time will take care of it I guess..