Dealing with this weird problem against inlaws..

anika987 · Jan 4, 2014

well...for me I got a problem..my fil had helped me to clear two arrears when I was engaged.I was too involved in my marriage arrangements,romance that I did not study well.So..problem is he holds it against me.He even comically mentioned it to one of my relatives.did not care abt my feelings..why would he)

Anyways,MIL as usual will give me mental torture.If i stand up for myself FIL intervenes and comments "U are not even fit to pass exams.I made u pass and u do not even have any courtesy"

MIL is the kind who hates to do any work.she literally retired the day I got married .she was 51 at that time.She loves to sit at home all day,watch tv and comment on everything I do.she loves to comment on my looks,dressing,home etc etc.everything negative of course ) so if i stand up for myself my inlaws will be like "u r nothing.u cannot even pass exams".

they keep saying the above.

I can talk to my husband abt this and he will stand up for me.problem is, he leaves to office at 7 in the morning and returns late.I have to deal with the inlaws all day,looking at their faces and listening to their tantrums

how to deal?

prettydevil · Jan 4, 2014

Well from you other threads.... aren't you married for 8 yrs.. had kids... and are in US... :coffee

Ladies....thinkingsmiley

anika987 · Jan 4, 2014

of course pretty devil but dealing with inlaws who come to ur home every six months and stay with u all day/night ??? dealing with inlaws who r planning on getting a greencard which requires them to stay longer than six months to get citizenship sooner??? it is tough,isn't it??? I deal with them.I know the pain.I need help.not more pain.

they r going to be back soon(

prettydevil · Jan 4, 2014

Contradictions.... is all I can say ;-)

anika987 · Jan 4, 2014

what is the contradiction pretty devil?

I would like to know.

I have never claimed to be super bold or anything.I am sensitive and i do have my flaws.I have a problem and I post it on the indusladies so that other friendly ladies would help me out.If people like to me help me that would be good.

gauridinesh · Jan 4, 2014

anika - it is going to be tough, but maybe atleast once you need to tell them to stop bringing it up and how it hurts you. I mean try it. Be direct with them. When you wrote your arrears - what were you?20?21? Tell them that what you wrote here - that you were busy and caught up with the marriage preps. Defend yourself.Atleast once.Say it with a tinge of humor if needed.Like 'Einstein failed his matriculation exams and Bill gates was a high school dropout'

MaliniHari · Jan 4, 2014

Do not try to stop them and waste your time. Try to find some job. That would make you stay away from them.

jaden · Jan 7, 2014

Seriously let your husband know this.Also if they are planning to shift there let him stay separately,or else you wouldnt have your own peace of mind.

bhucat · Jan 7, 2014

If you are really interested finish your course, atleast for your sake and not for them.

If not, tell them upfront that you want to resume it after sometimes or not going to do further, there is nothing wrong in that....as in my early marriage times my mil used to ask me "when is your exams" as i was in the middle of my PG when i got engaged.

But later one day i explained her saying i want to enjoy and want to enjoy my first year "thala" functions so told her that i want to take a break and then continue, so she never said anything for that.

So be truthful to you and your feelings and tell them frankly what is there in your mind.

Anything could not be gained through forcing on anyone, it should come willingly, so try to insist them your priority in your life.