Dealing With Family

Hello Elsa.. It's completely normal to feel sad.. I know so many couples you have conceived after like 12-13 years of trying.. I know its easy to say than to do it but be positive... Its always better to ignore or keel away from things/ news that upset your peace of mind...

 

Everyone deals with disappointment differently and you are not doing anything wrong. It is completely normal for you to act this way as it is the best way to deal with things without hurting anyone. I have been in a similar situations though not about conceiving but something very important to me and this what I did as well. Things will get better and sending you positive vibes

 

Hi...been there, done that...I'm doing the same thing and I feel this is the best thing I can do for now! I wonder sometimes if I'm doing the right thing but only this gives me peace of mind and strength to handle such news! Those who've undergone this will only understand. Specially when people younger than us give the news, it's just too much for us to handle But once your problem is solved, it will be like a switch that can be turned off and you'll want to change instantly....that's life!

 

Hi Elsa,
I can completely understand since I am sailing in the same boat as yours.
I am suffering from primary infertility and have been ttc for 7 years now. I have heard good news from my co sis, cousin sister, best friend, office colleagues etc over the last few years. A significant number of them are younger to me. I feel sad even when my male friends say their wives are expecting.
I understand when you say you are not jealous, i feel its a crushing feeling , a sense of being cheated.
I remember being dejected on my birthday of not yet being a mother, i get a call from my co sis(4 years younger) telling she is pregnant.
I am reeling through a failed ivf cycle on my wedding anniversary and she sends her baby shower pictures. These kind of incidents have pushed me into depression and it takes a lot of time to come back to normal.
Having said all these, lets remember we just going through a bad phase. Our good times too will come.
Be grateful for life's blessings. In my case I have an excellent spouse and super family.
Keep your self busy by focusing on your career.
One more thing which I am doing off late is, I keep telling my self , I know i have a problem I am taking steps to solve it and I am on the path to motherhood.
I am trying to do atleast 1 activity which reinforces this belief, like maybe meditation for 15 mins or as simple as having a healthy diet. This makes me feel I am progressing.

Stay Strong Girl. Your time to hold your LO is fast approaching.

 

It is hard, I know.

The one thing that keeps me sane is reminding myself, my life is different from others.
My life purpose is different. Our time will come, When it comes, you will see that all the pieces of the puzzle fit perfectly and no other arrangement would have been so perfect. Until then we have to wait with patience.

 

Indeed it is hard to digest the fact that when our friends/family/acquaintances who are much younger are on happy times with their 1st/2nd or even 3rd good news'! !!!

To add another view to the suggestions above, I would like to say that they are all passing words. We have to take in one ear and leave out through another..
I was also very stressed and depressed with my failed IVF when I got the news that my cousin who was not at all planning to have a baby came up with a message on her good news.. and she was least bothered about it!

I cried and cried till my eyes got dried.. but then, I got a sudden strike of thought, now where are the people who were asking me "when I'm going to get married"..??? an umpteen no. of times! are they asking me whether I'm happy and supported in the new family?
Then people asking me now when I'm going to get a baby...saw doctor? go to this temple..that temple.. bla bla bla.. are they going to be with me throughout my 9 months and see my labour?
Ahhh.. so ultimately we should be deaf to those news which we receive and respond in a pleasant way rather than react to it..
Good things will fall to us in a much better way than they got..
Cheers.. Baby dust to all hoping ILs...

 

Been there.. infact, going through it now.. I understand that crushed feeling, heavy heart, deep silence trying to explain yourself that you are happy with the news, but just that you are unhappy from within coz you aren't able to get to that phase..
as I type this, am smiling and happy for my cousin cum bestie who's 4 years younger to me, but still cheeks start to get wet.. God!! Gets heavier at nights, before trying hard to fall asleep.. sorry for depressing post, little low today.
Good night..

 

Elsa I know the pain , I was invited to a baby naming function where the girls mother hesitated to give the baby to me when all other ladies are telling the baby name in her ear.All I want to do is cry loudly. Then the mother of the baby asked her mom to give the Baby to me. I was totally crushed in that place. I feel like an unwanted person in that group.
I thought it shout not happen to any women. I got the feeling why me. After in the bed I cryed what sin I have done in the past.
That's why I'm here to give some positive vibes to people who were suffering like me. I believed I'll hold the baby one day like all the women around me. I have to take the baby everyware, were I went without baby and suffered seeing moms and dads holding their baby's and enjoyed the parenthood.
So people who are here will do all the things you whished and I pray for it.