Dealing with an "over-helpful" neighbor???

You have to clearly tell her what you want.

 

Look hassled (incase you happen to open the door) and say, "now is really not a Good time. I'm a bit hassled. Let me ring you once im free." It is important that you stand yourself between the door and guts jamb.

If she probes, say equally vague things like,
"nothing, I'm behind schedule"
or "I'm in the middle of something."
Or "no! Thanks but I don't need any help. I'll catch you later."
Or "we are having a 'moment' as a family."
Or "it's just one of those days."
Or "parenting issues; don't ask! I'll perhaps ring you"
or "I am sorting out various things. I'll buzz you later."
Or even, "I'm planning on us to have cosy romantic dinners this month; so am busy with the prep."
or "we are trying a new routine for DD. I need to really focus on that. I don't have time for a chat now"

much later when you meet, just "nothing. Just the usual. What have you been up to?"

If she expects you to babysit, have a threshold - say once a month or something so that you don't keep refusing. Beyond that, just say, "sorry yaar. We have other plans." "Just plans. It won't be convienient. Maybe another time" "can't watch them this time of the day. It puts our new routine off."

or directly, "husband is really busy at work and we want to simply chill as a family. Perhaps we can go together to the park next Wednesday." By fixing a time you spend with her you are definitively putting her off until that particular period. If you say you are going out and then don't, don't feel the need to explain or apologise later even if she asks. Just say, "oh yeah! Plans changed. We had a great time as a family."

if she chooses to give you gifts, you need to stop feeling obligated. Just say thank you. Freeze the food; put the toy away to regift! Simply state, we haven't opened it yet. And go about your business unabashedly. You need to be brash.

If she feeds your child or reprimands her, you really need to intervene. "Leave her alone please. It hampers her schedule" "Please don't reprimand her. She is starting to b come sensitive. We are handling her. Please leave her alone."

 

Op ...you need to put your and your family's feelings before hers.She is a manipulative pushy person.....and you need to put your foot down .

 

Hi anika,

we both are sailing in the same boat. The only diff is she is a 7 yr old family friend and she stays 5 blocks away but still she has become a headache for me. By 4 clock she will come to my home and will sit there till 6.30 until the tuition teacher comes for teaching her elder child. This happens at least thrice a week. Sometimes she comes after 6.30 and sit there till 8.30 till the tuition finishes. I don't get time to spend with DH. She will start her speech on cooking when I prepare dinner and won't allow me to prepare it in my own way. My DH too don't like her but we can't say anything as its his colleagues wife and she is very elder to both of us. Everytime she prepares something and gives me and I have to prepare something the next day to give bk the boxes. I don't like to give away the boxes empty. One day she msgd me to come and pick her elder daughter as they want to go to doc coz the tuition teacher had not come. I went to there flat what I saw was tuition teacher was already there. I was like don't know what to say. She casually told me soon after she msgd me the teacher came but she thought if I came she can giv me few dishes as it was a festival day. I too had prepared the same dishes but I was forced to take her dishes also.I had left my child alone in the flat and came running to pick their child and this is what I'm hearing. Next day I told her in casual manner abt my schedule and I don't like it to get disturbed. Nw a days when she comes sometimes I vl put my training suite and say am exercising or I vl switch off the door bell from inside etc. her visits had reduced to once in 2-3 weeks. Am feeling relieved nw.