Dealing With A Workaholic Husband

I have been through this situation. The only option is to keep ourselves busy. N try to make atleast one friend first, then add on. Be extra friendly n approachable.

If you are living in a city, live in bigger residential societies, go out for walking in the evenings, say hi, smile, talk to new people.

Buy a stroller (not the normal one) there’s a very light, basic version, which you can handle very easily to stay out for longer with the kid. It maybe barely 1-2 kilos even if want to carry down some stairs too.

Use your free time to learn some basic local language to get around if English can’t help you.

Or look at joining a job in a few months, start the prep, find a good day care or some work place which has its own play center or a care giver.

Basically something to keep you busy.

On the other hand, do you think your husbands hours are intentional.. That he can actually come home early if he wants to but still stays for longer hours ?
- in this case you should talk n figure out
Or is his work really that demanding?
- then he can’t help it himself

 

your thoughts and frustrations regarding your BF’s wife may be justified . But what you know about her is from your BF’s and his mother’s perspective. There are two sides to a story. In any case your BF is not wrong in choosing his son over you. As a mother I know my children come first whatever the circumstance. So I see where your BF is coming from.
Marriage does not mean living together when two people cannot get along and have serious differences. There is divorce to give a dignified end to such unions.

 

@lakshita1111
Its difficult to believe his reasons for not trying to get visitation rights or legal custody of his son. Its possible with or without divorce. That's why there is law in any country. Look like his love for his kid is just a lie.

You trapped yourself in this EMA..move on . If he is not interested to continue what is the point.

No need to blame his legally wedded wife for whatever reasons. If he wants you , he will come to you. He is finding reasons or excuses to dump you.

Your daughter will understand this situation for sure. They are smarter than we think. I find it very strange . Whats is the point in continuing in a fake marriage when there a dignified option-divorce exists..what message your daughter gets when she came to know about it- like she can do the same in future!. Your bf is worried now that his son will never forgive him if he came to know about it..he got enlightenment after 6yrs of affair with you....strange..dont believe his version blindly..sorry Op...

Anyway it's your life and decision..may you find peace and happiness in your life.

 

Agree completely with @DDream ' post.

Op while your ema can be justified as yours was an open marriage kind of situation,with the knowledge of your spouse,his ema was behind his wife's back...no matter what the reason .
Even if he told her and then openly had a relationship with you ,then also it would be fine...but what he did was sleazy.

What is shocking is his lack of respect for you and your family.
He is not even letting you go respectfully.
He accuses you of not keeping emails and pics secure. He treats you like his dirty secret and that is not respectful .He wants you to be ' reserved' for when he needs you but he wants it all to be hidden.

His story about not being allowed to meet his son is all bs. How is his situation any different for a divorced guy right now? After divorce ,he would have more rights over son .He is bullshitting you.
Suddenly his son having respect for him is important for him.
Does he think about your daughter losing respect for you?

You wrote you went to his house and know his mother . So how is he worried about his mother getting to know about the affair ?
What did his mother think you were,his rakhi sister?
What stupid excuses is he giving!
At least he should respect your intelligence ,if not you .

Listen to your husband .

Your marriage may not be what it is supposed to be ,but neither is your relationship with your lover something that it is supposed to be.

He neither loves you nor respects you.
He selfishly takes what he wants with his conditions and rider attacked ( secrecy and nonpublic acknowledgement ).
He is only bothered about himself not you.
He breaks up when he wants to..and wants to keep you on hold for later when he will want you again.

What you get out of it is just a by product.
That is nor what an affair is supposed to be .
There should atleast be respect and care for a person . He has none for you.
He treats you worse than a mistress.
He s not worth the pain you will suffer because of your affair.

Your daughter will know someday if she doesn't already know.

 

It is typical human reaction.people dont want their partner to have another partner even if relation between them is not good. I think the whole idea of monogamy originates from this.People prefer monogamy not because of they want only one man/woman but because of they want their partner to have ony one man/woman. I guess you also will not like if your husband had affair even if your saying you dont care about him.And legal bond of marriage and children make this more complicated.

 

1) ARE you REAL?
2) in all your posts you write "I am confused". What are you damn confused about?
Already @DDream and @yellowmango told you your BF is FAKE. Using you worse than a mistress and you are constantly buying his stories risking your peaceful though boring married life and family for a jughead?
3) if you don't have "strength" to block his number, then find the "strength" to destroy the simcard and take a new number.
4) stop fooling around. Cut him off from your life.
5) conc on healing your mental state with counselling.
6) repeat reading the 5th point again and again till it gets to your head.

 

@Meenu1991 , Hugs. First of all, know that it is completely normal for us to feel this way when we are left alone all day with a toddler. I have been there, done that, so I know what you are feeling. Some of the things that come to my mind are this, see if these help you.

Buy a good quality umbrella/ light weight stroller. The one that you can fold and open in one hand; that makes your life 10 times better. If your tot is not used to it, he will, eventually. Make a routine to go for a walk every day. After breakfast or during snack time (he can eat his snack in the stroller). I used to do this. I am not sure if the area where you live has any safe place to walk but assuming you do, try to do this.

Is it possible for you to drop him at the daycare for 2 hours a day? That will give you time for yourself. You need this. He is not an infant anymore. He will be OK. Consider dropping him at a daycare for 2 hours; or even pay a local lady to watch him for 2 hours. Maybe you can hit the gym during that time? Maybe a nice book or a movie on TV? Anything that is child-free for 2 hours. It doesn’t have to be everyday either, alternate days. That will give you breathing time. I gym would be a great place to find other women who may be in a similar position. That way, you don’t have to try to find good neighbors to talk to.

When I was home for 16 months after my kids birth, I made a deal with my hubby. He needs to come home early 1 day (excluding the 1 day off he took). He was working non-stop (just like yours) because we had to make-do with one paycheck. So, he comes home early one day where I used to leave the kids with him for grocery shopping. BOY…. Solo Grocery shopping trips used to feel like a vacation! Lol He can work from home perhaps? That way you can deal with the chores when he get home early and on Sunday, you can relax.

If I were you, I wouldn’t push too much to go out on Sunday. With such a demanding job, he needs some rest but really, its his responsibility too to give you a break. So, find that balance.

 

This clearly indicates he is misusing you.
Even if it’s true , how many years can this continue considering you still being married to your husband!