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Dealing With A Narcissit

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by aniya, May 22, 2022.

  1. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    Hi, im not sure if this is the right forum as im not married presently, but my boyfriend is a Narcissist (Narc). And im struggling to deal with his behavior. Anyone been through a similar situation. His traits include:

    -Thinking only about himself, extremely selfish
    -Never going out of the way to help me
    -Always criticizing and belittling me
    -Very possessive (though in between he acts like he doesn't care)
    -Talks about one thing and the next minute about another thing, and both are not co related at all
    -He gets very angry and shouts especially when i tell him he did something odd or insensitive.

    In case you'll are wondering why i am with him, he does have a nice side also where he is sweet and caring etc. He calls me and keeps in touch throughout the day.

    Is there any cure for Narcissism or am i just wasting my time? Please share your views.
     
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  2. curlytweethere

    curlytweethere Platinum IL'ite

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    There is no cure for narcissism unless they realize that they are narcissist and are willing to go to therapy
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Bluntly speaking..you seem to be blinded by your love for him that despite clearly seeing his negative side..you are giving excuses for his behavior by pointing his calling and keeping in touch.His negative side is such a big red signal.


    Just to see..is he always angry or it started recently? How long he is like This..

    Either way..if this relationship does not give u comfort level,space and so much stress ..absolutely not worth it.

    Good that u guys are not married yet.You deserve better.
     
  4. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,
    He is a covert narcissist and just as explained online and by so many people first there was a stage in which he showed genuine concern and interest and portrayed that I was the only one for him etc. In this stage he did not as such criticize me. The criticism and belittling commenced a couple of months later on This would be for virtually everything I did such as going out with friends, (he said I should spend free time only with him), for drinking even moderately, posting on Instagram, not cooking, body shaming, basically almost everything other than my dressing.

    He then has big fights with me when I just try to talk to him about his hurtful words and then the next day he pretends as though nothing has happened. Then for some time he is nice and sweet and then again the big fights happen which as per narcissist traits is something that they provoke, though I’m still unable to figure out whether he purposely provoked this or just happened to do something mean. He flirts mildly with others in front of me and when I ask him he says its no big deal and that I am over reacting. If I request him not to criticize me, he says I’m to sensitive and that I should not give so much importance to silly talks.

    So to reply to you he started getting angry after the love bombarding...
     
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  5. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    No he will never agree to that, so then its pointless i guess, the issue is that he is a covert or mild narc, has he been a complete narc would have left him long back. The mild narc behavior is confusing me.
     
  6. curlytweethere

    curlytweethere Platinum IL'ite

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    This behavior is not going to change unless he decides to. So ask yourself is this how you want to be treated?
     
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  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You’re not even married and you’re seeing this.
    People are generally on their better behavior while they are dating and in the early stages of a relationship. Is this how you want to spend the next few decades of your prime years?
     
  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Please educate yourself about narcistic behavior( there are lot of youtube videos and documents online, eg: Dr. Ramani's channel ). If he is a narcist, he will never love you and its possible to have a dysfunctional relationship or marriage. So, better not to proceed if you have any concerns about this relationship or if you notice many redflags.
    Looks like you are thinking about breakup.
    In that case be careful.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2022
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  9. aniya

    aniya Senior IL'ite

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    thank you for this
     
  10. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    You mean he’s mild or covert now. You are not even married and he’s not able to control himself. That’s not a good sign. Most narcs are extremely charming initially and show their true colors only after marriage. If he’s already behaving like this he will assuredly get much worse post marriage.
    And please don’t fool yourself that you are the one, you are different, you will be able to change him and make him realize. Many many people have made that mistake and repented when it was too late.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2022

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