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Dd Is Very Emotional About Friendships ...

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by anika987, Aug 25, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    My daughter is quite emotional with friendships.She is very friendly,outgoing and always wants to do lot for her friends.Even as a little child,I was always surprised at how well she shares and thinks of other kids .She is now seven years old.

    In this summer..Many kids in the community come and play here and I entertain them with treats and they play for many hours.

    I actually also noticed many kids just come for treats and not just actually to play with my daughter.

    Also when my DD goes to their homes..the moms say come later, he/ she is snacking and give a time Allotment.

    I do not place any restrictions and actually being too relaxed I feel.

    My DD again had a tiff with a boy whom she considers her friend and he and other kids actually did not allow her to play with one of their pet dogs.Also..it seems they tease her a lot.I was like it happens and tried to relax her.


    She told me “Mom..I am used to people being mean to me.Even in the yearbook in school..every kid mentioned other kids as their best friend.Though I try to be friendly and nice,none of them mentioned my name”.


    My daughter gives very much importance to friendships and the above might seem as a small matter but for her it is important.


    I myself has a bad childhood and victim of bullying.As a mom..I always get scared to give her to right advice and to see your child upset breaks your heart.


    How do I advise her?
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2020
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  2. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Anika,
    I have logged in IL after a very longtime. Seeing your post i felt compelled to address something here.
    It's but natural to feel sad for your child, but possibly your lens to view this as a slight may be damaging to your own child's confidence.
    So i suggest you learn to tune out such occurrences and to ignore them. Lots of parents really do behave in this manner and kids outgrow this phase.
    As an adult, you really are aware that growing up never has been a bed of roses, but that's how growth really occurs.

    Have you noticed how a plant grows from a seed, the seed gives way to a young sapling which learns to withstand all kinds of weather. Sometimes, you see a rapid stage when all conditions are favourable and at other times, you hardly see any growth, because conditions are not conducive for proper growth. All the plant has to do is stand rooted and let the storm/weather pass; It does teach it to become stronger and have deeper roots. But, the plant does finally keep growing and flowering in all its glory at different stages in its life, when it is meant to; and it stands steady to withstand the storm/heat/dust etc with just a few discolored leaves, but the biggest thing is for it to remain there stoic.
    so the issue is that we just need to support our children to withstand the 'all weather' , you need to provide the soil, manure and water in optimum to help them develop stronger roots. The roots they have to develop themselves.
    So you need only be there to listen to your daughter for support and let her navigate through her feelings and reconciliations at her pace.
    You do this and they definitely will grow stronger and bolder!
    Maybe this kind of a challenge can be viewed as a learning opportunity for the child to develop resilience, instead of forcing her to become defensive with her own feelings.
    All moms usually go through the same challenges and the advice above is more theory than practical in my case too, but i do realise that allowing kids their own pace and peace with circumstances would do them better i nthe longer run.

    End this post with with cheers to kindness and more of it in this world!
     
    anika987 likes this.
  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks Afresh..

    I am letting go of my child and trying to accept challengers happen.We have all faced that.Sometimes,maybe due to my past..I become little sensitive for my child but definitely am not going to blindly protect her..

    I wish I could relax as you said.My actions are cool but my heart sometimes feel the turmoil.My hubby is very relaxed and cool about it and he is the one who is giving me strength..

    I do understand the kids need to go through so many good and bad which will make or break them..

    I did not make it..I want my child to make it..don’t know how to do it..

    However..it hurt that my child was not told she is anyone’s best friend in the yearbook and she remembers it.She feels she is not that good to be a friend.how to advise her on this?

    I am trying my best
     
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:An Oak stands tall because it endured vagaries of weather.
    A butterfly before evolving to a flying creature has to be in a cocoon within which it tries to flap the wings and get strengthened.

    Provide means not the Ends.

    Kudos to your FB that looks at ABC of things, cardinal principles that matters.
    Thanks and Regards.
     
    anika987 and Afresh like this.
  5. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Hey,
    I think this bothers you more because of your past esteem issues.
    So to not have your daughter toe the same line as earlier, you may only tell her that this is a usual thing thing in many lives and eventually, everyone will find true friends . you just be there to re assure her that nothing is wrong with her, and hear her through and through if she wants to convey some feelings. You may also engage her with thoughts of other friends, who may not be in school or other diversions , if you think she does need guidance.
    Take Care
     
    anika987 likes this.

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