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Daughters of Narcissistic mothers

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Veerah, Feb 18, 2016.

  1. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    This thread.... brought back tears in my eyes

    Time to time, I do think...was I treated fairly by mom when I was growing up? We are 3-sisters in a row and I was "given away" to my maternal grand parents.

    I remember my mom was always complaining about me to others, as as a problem child, uncontrollable and often heard bad things, like I have to be sent far away from home where I cannot come back otherwise I will be back home in no time with the troubled marriage. She talked about me like that when I was 7-10 years. I had the feeling she didn't want me and cried a lot for long hours (vivid memories).

    I spent my entire school years with other families. I lived in hostel or with different uncle's families here and there during school years. Not more than 1-year in the same place. My grand mother took me to functions with her every where she went (school days off). Even my marriage was held at grand parents place, coordinated by my uncles (sent off to abroad to live after marriage).

    I think, I was an angry kid and a fighter. Of course, I was well taken care of by GPs but, the feeling of abandoned stays with me for rest of my life...it made me a survivor of any place (bite the bullet mentality). As my son describes, I have "tanker/bulldozer" personality.

    Definitely, I am one of a kind ....stand out in the in my family crowd.
     
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  2. sunthari

    sunthari Senior IL'ite

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    reading this made me realised that i was made the scapegoat also. but not to the extend of mistreatment. my mom always favoured my sisiter till to date. in my mom's viewpoint my sister could not do any thing wrong. all the bad things can only be done by my self. i dont know if this is considered Narcissictis mom. sometimes i also scold both my children to the extend of shouting at them. this thread made me rethink about my actions. i should change the way i approach the way i discipline my children.
     
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  3. Veerah

    Veerah Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for sharing your story poovai.
    Not receiving mom's love and feeling abandoned is a huge scar to bear. Big hugs to you. You sound like a strong person who has well and truly moved on..but I imagine the scars will always remain.
    How was your dad's behavior towards you? And your relationship with your siblings?
    Sometimes I do wonder why moms like this are able to give birth to a child while there are so many good hearted women who can give a child a loving life but cannot bear children. Wonders of the world!
     
  4. Veerah

    Veerah Senior IL'ite

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    I got this from a website about signs of a narcissitic mom.. it outlines most of the behavioral patterns.. and they say if you tick many of these questions then you have a narcissistic mother. Though it doesnt outline all the signs.. this is the closest one I could find.

    Do you feel your mother was critical of you?
    Does your mother act jealous of you?
    Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
    Does your mother favoritirize among her children, treating one child consistently better than another?
    Does your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
    Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
    Did your mother make you feel like you were always to blame?
    Did your mother terrorize you as a kid?
    Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
    Are you shamed often by your mother in front of neighbors, relatives, friends?
    When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she divert the discussion to talk about herself?
    When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she try to top the feeling with her own?
    Does your mother compete with you?
    Does your mother always have to have things her way?
    Did your mom neglect when you were a child?
     
  5. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    Dad was busy making money and he was ok to send me away, instead of dealing with the screaming/yelling/crying in the house. Probably I was bullying my sis/bro...making them cry. Lack of love and attention makes some weaker but, I became rough/tough.

    It is strange that it is etched in my memory as abandoned/neglected at that young age.
     
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  6. Veerah

    Veerah Senior IL'ite

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    Good it made you rough and tough.. had it been the other, it would have been definitely more harder dealing with the pain of it all.
    Thanks once again for sharing your story :)
     

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