Daughter's Duty.

It is a very old thread no doubt, but this is not on a one-off problem of the OP alone. This being a topic for general discussion, I have left it open.

 

OP:

Your hubby's views on the matter are obtuse, selfish and opportunistic.

A family and it's members should be free to gift to near and dear ones as they feel necessary, comfortable, financially affordable and not excessive. It doesn't matter whether they are ladki or ladke waaley. Gifting is such a healthy social function. It's ridiculous for someone to say that it's because they are ladki waaley, they can not recieve gifts. Very narrow minded, cheap thinking.

Even in the old days, it is a tradition that that ladki waaley did not "expect" things from the girl. It did not mean that the daughter/son-in-law did not give. It's only the manipulative, opportunistic families that turned the decent "non-expectations" into "not giving, period". That's evil.

 

Dear Satchi
i agree with you totally. The funny part is we have come far away from so many of Manu's Smriti but still cling on polishing and adding our own ideas to things which suits us is it not?If we were to follow everything our world would have been different totally.We come to this world carrying baggage of our karmas and instead of traveling light with comfort we take more luggage and go to the next journey.We also have a saying in tamil which means that what is the use to do Suryanamaskaram after we loose the sight? we take it in the literal meaning and instead of clearing our vision earlier we just make peace with ourselves by thinking what has happened has happened so let us forget about it .Satchi i think it is easier to forget when we do some hurtful things to another person but difficult to forgive when something is done to us.Our strength lies in us forgiving and move on.
love

 

What a great thread, and the story of my life from day 1 after marriage. I got married 3 years back. I was brought up with a lot of love and affection and got the best schooling/education of all my siblings as i was the youngest one. I always felt a sense of duty towards my parents, nothing big everyone should have after all they do so much for us

I had a love marriage but when the issue of getting married was brought up, i flatly refused. Told my then fiancee/boy friend that i wanted to serve my parents for sometime before statring new phase. My husband's family had some financial issues as well as retirement and so his dad really wanted his son to get married...and so i gave in....It was a big sacrifice from my side as my hubby did not have job and i had very very very strong desire of serving my parents and his responsibilities of loans with as a good wife i wanted to completely accept as mine.I did tell him many times before taking this decision that i would serve my parents after marriage and he never contradicted, on basis of which i moved forward. Since he had financial burden i even supported him as much as i could before our marriage

On our first night he told me daughters serving parents after marriage is against society n he cannot allow me to go against norms!! All the norms we went against before marriage were easily forgotten And for the first 3 months right after marriage all we mainly discussed was the home loans they had. This episode gave me so much pain , agony, broke my trust and caused many insecurities...as somewhere i feel my husband would conveniently walk over me for his desires.Mind u i am a very well educated girl and got my education from one of the best universities in the world. And yet though i knew it was wrong i never wanted to go against his wishes and thought after a period of time he would change. But that never happened.....

I was the main financial support for 2 years out of 3 years of our marriage.....did the best to support his folks.....But did that melt my husbands heart...NO! If we are equal partners or should i say i m bigger partner only in paying bills else he is completely against equality

i dont know whether this is worth walking away as the splash will affect me too....and i dont know whether my trust and feeling of security/respect for him would ever come back. I am still finding answers to my questions.....All i know is my parents went through the same struggle, gave me same education and ability to earn same, better values...so how come down the line he expects i have all the duties/responsibilities towards his parents n nothing towards mine.