Daughter's Duty.

Hello puni88,

Gifts are the physical expression of the affection we have for the person concerned to whom we give, as also to show our appreciation of their love and affection towards us.In the modernday world whether it is a son or daughter,there should be freedom to show appreciation to his or her parents.Don't sons-in-law raise the issue of equal rights while sharing the property of the wife's parents?Rant I am one of four daughters and no sons, and I have a daughter and a son.( also daughter-in-law and son-in-law):cool2:

 

hi dear puni,

most of the men are like this, however world changes..................whether they are in low profile or high profile jobs................so men are men , women are women, they dont understand anything............as in my case.........even after 14 years of my marriage, living only for him , kids, doing all favourable things to in-laws, i have to give an explanation for the fone calls made to my parents, since its all STD call, they live in bangalore..............but i have accepted him with no parameters, with no conditions, fortunately i have three brothers to take care of my parents......
........so its only a ONE THOUGHT AWAY concept for me.............if he is happy doing that let him do that..........thats it...............so dont worry and leave it.....

ACCEPTANCE IS THE FUNDAMENTAL FOR EVERY RELATIONSHIP ON EARTH

love
padma

 

Dear Punni
This is a very sensitive issue, I only wish all the girls wake up regarding this, when you can earn from the education which your parents have given you, dont you have right to just gift ur parents from your earnings. The value is not important but your parents will be pleased to receive it as it only shows your affection, coz as humans we all like to receive gifts. I had no oppurtunity to earn as I was in a big joint family where the culture was, that the daughters are only meant to receive gifts either cash or kind from their parents and vice versa here expensive gifts were given to my sister inlaws on every visit or during festivals, how I have longed to buy a saree for my Mom ateast once, but I dared not to open my mouth, so far I have not given them even a pin as gift, now though I am living separtely with my family and I look after my house finance but my mother is no more to receive any gift from me.
Pinky

 

My points are:
1. What is the girls duty towards her parents after her marriage?
2. Is she has to break all relationship with her parents?
3. Are we a money getting mechines to these guys??
4. DOn't we have our own identity??

This is the sorry state of most of the women folks.

I think one should ask their MILs as to how they feel when they are not able to give anything to their parents or siblings. This topic should be dealt tactfully as they should not come to know that you are asking this coz you are unable to gift...but when there is a function in their family then how do they go about gifting.

I always tell everyone i come across...that if they have been earning before marriage and are planning to continue. They should for sure not have a joint account also what they do with their money is entirely in their hands and not to let husbands take over the finances...finance management should be a joint effort.

If you are buying anything (investment) with your money see to it that the receipt is in your name. Also, i have come across many couples where the husband buys gadgets in the name of the wife and investments (gold, MF etc.) in his name or vice versa....don't do this. instead have everything atleast 50-50.

In India...wife can secure their future by investing in good LIC policies. So after the age of 40+ or whatever you choose, you have a steady income of your own.

Sorry some may feel that i am straying from the original topic...but no ia m not. Financial independence will give you the needed confidence and you can do whatever you want with your money. and if husbands are not agreeable then the wives need to hide it from thembonkbonk.

To have an identity of our own we need to work towards it. If we always remain in the shadow of our spouse...then work a way around so people around you know that even if your husband is over powering...still in some areas they can't beat you. eg: when you are entertaining friends...do so in such a manner that they remeber having spent a great evening with you. Reach out to them in times of need. Be ready to help. Start all this with his relatives and friends so they don't stand a chance to say no to whatever you do.

Roopa.

 

Hi Roopadadia,

reg..1. What is the girls duty towards her parents after her marriage?
2. Is she has to break all relationship with her parents?
3. Are we a money getting mechines to these guys??
4. DOn't we have our own identity??

1.The girl has the same duty towards her parents as a son, and more so if she is the only offspring,whether she is earning or not.

2.No!Never!'annaiyum pidavum munnary dhaivam' for her too, throughout her life.

3.Not at all.It started as a division of labor, and evolved into economic independence,then to exploitation , by some husbands at least.It is supposed to be a sharing the burden of the present day world.

4.Yes.We do.As a human being each of us has a separate identity, an unique one, at that.But lots of women are 'lamps inside the vessel 'w/o whom there will be total darkness.

I fully agree with all your suggestions,especially

well said:cheers

 

Hi punitha,
We cannot stop loving and caring for our parents just because we are married.So why not buy them gifts and share happiness. I think its very biased of your husband to say that it is according to our culture. he is just trying to cover up with culture card.
I know some InLaws and husbands think that it is their RIGHT to get stuff from girls parents but they don't deserve anything in return. My Inlaws are like that too, but i don't care what they say, i do what i want anyways.
Please go ahead and shower your parents with gifts, you don't want to regret later. You definitely cannot stop your husband from giving his mom gifts but you can go ahead and do the same too.BTW do you have a daughter? If yes, your husband will slowly understand the dynamics if not, you should teach him.
Hope this helps!