Daughter's Duty.

Hi Puni and Gayatri,

According to hindu culture also,there will be still rights for parents on the daughter after she got married also.That is why they come to parents if something wrong happens.This is clesrly written in Manu dharma saastra itself.
What husbands have to understand is that wife is not a puppet to listen/do what ever hthey say.If they don't we wives have make them to understand by anymeans.

 

Dear Puni
I feel we should take care of our parents as well.When my father fell sick 4 years back,my brother was not in India,we 3 daughters and sons in law took care of him.My father was always proud of his sons in law .When he passed away this year my brothers in law took care of everything till my brother came.We took care of my mother till my brother came back.My mother could always stay in all our houses whenever she wanted.This year we are not celebrating any festival.My mother in law has not objected so far.Karadyan Knobbu came weeks after my father passed away.I just kept some fruits and finished the knobbu.My mother in law felt it was o.k,as it was hardly weeks since my father passed.My husband never minded me buying things for my people.My son who joined work 3 mths back has infact bought both his grannies the same type of silk sari.out of his first pay.
Parents are also happy.After all they have bought us this far.It is a nice gesture to take care of them in their old age...............

 

Hi punitha

Iam really surprised to see a person like ur hubby.pls dont mistake me, iam not telling this to hurt u.......because these days, people have changed lot......SAMMANDHI.....MAPILLAI MURUKKU ...concept have gone........ almost.....all the SIL started treating their MIL'S AND DIL'S AS THEIR OWN PARENTS NOW-A-DAYS...................

In my case, i have no brothers, do u know, my hubby is ELDER SON of my family, he will treat my parents like that..........all my friends, neighbours and relatives used to praise and appreciate him for this...and sometimes i used to worry.......DHRSHTI PATTUDA PORADHU...AND SOMETHING MAY HAPPEND TO MY HUBBY THAT ALL ARE APPRECIATING HIM LIKE ANYTHING.......SMALL FEAR...DONT MISTAKE........ AND ALSO I WILL PRAY GOD THAT HE SHLD BE LIKE THIS FOR EVER.............

and, not only that they have brought us to this heights, and they gave us education, this and that........avarukku eppadi avar parents oo. same for us .............ALL THE FEELINGS WILL BE SAME........NO POINT IN DISCUSSING ABOUT RIGHTS OR ANYTHING..............AVARA AVA AMMA PETHA MADHIR DHAN UNGALAYUM UNGA AMMA PETTHA..........THEN WHAT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THESE TWO,,,,,,,,,I CANT UNDERSTAND.........

Dont fight with him or argue with him....jus explain him polietly and also tell him IF HIS SISTERS HUBBY TELL UR SISTER LIKE THIS......WHAT WILL BE UR MOM'S POSITION./FEELING.....

latamurali

 

Hai puni,

You raised very good questions?

Actually most of the ladies having same questions.The thing is "these types of questions raised only by the ladies who don't have brothers or sons".

Long long ago the duties or rules 'whatever it is, were made by our ancestors depending upon that periods. Those periods girls had no shares from the properties of their parents,girls were not given education,Girls always had to depend upon father ,brother sons................. After marriage the in laws and husband use to take care of the girl's all needs and so on. Vaarisu was son only , no daughters.Sons had to take all the properties. Becase of that sons has to do the expenses of the parents and sisters. Daughters were not educated, jobless also.Already depending her husband .

But now totally the situations changed. There is no line without ladies. Girls are going abroad for studies and ,jobs before marriage. They are having all the rights to take decision about ther carrier. Equal share from parent's properties.So as she has all the rights to do to their parents as sons.

Nowadays No difference in boys or girls.

The truth is while giving birth most of the parents wanted to have a boy. But after their marriage parents are liking and loving only daughters not the son.

But this also nowadays changed, because of education and exposure.

So you have also all the rights as your husband if you are not earning also.

Pray God, Make your husband understand, Soon he will realise,

If i hurt anybody through my words I AM SORRY.

regards

SHREESUNDARAM

 

Hi Puni:

You have asked some great questions!!

Girls are in no way different from guys. Even by telling you such things, he is lowering his respect and self value in your eyes. As you righly said, we go to the same schools, get the same education, have the same values, then where and how along that road do we become any less valuable or important than guys??

Is it because we are physically less stronger? Is it because we have periods? Gosh, his thinking is all twisted.

Hindu cluture does not ask a girl to give up her responsibilities towards her parents. He needs to think of it like this. If a girl can cut her ties with her parents who did so much for her, then how can she be loyal towards her husband whom she barely knows?? Does that not talk about her character?

These guys want you to be all modern, go out, work your a** off, make money in a man's world, but come home and be a humble bahu like they show in hindi movies. That is BS and no one puts up with this crap anymore.

Stand up for your rights and be proud of yourself that you feel the way you feel!!

 

Hi Puni,
As far as Indian culture or tradition goes, there is no mention that girls should not take care of her parents. Even Sati Savitri took care of her parents in an exemplary way by asking Yama to grant her parents a hundred valiant and virtuous sons.

Now coming to marriage, in kanyadan too we are made to recite in sanskrit that we are adopting our son inlaw as our own son and then alone giving our daughter to him that too only to share his life in his pursuit of dharma artha kama and moksha.
So our parents have not washed of their hands of us and given us away as slaves in any sense. Rather they have adopted a son in marriage. So a son in law even according to hindu tradition is actually an adopted son and hence must perform as far as possible all the duties of a son.

I hope you will be able to educate your husband on this. Anyway as far as your duties as a daughter are concerned, you are still first your parents daughter before his wife. So its your duty to as far as possible take care of them (remeber your hubby is now their son as well - adopted).

The other point is you are ardhangi, so half of all you both have is yours (including wealth). Even if you were a house wife this is true.... even by hindu tradition.

Also what is the fuss... you are earning (a big relief as you arent dependent as many) so you have as much right to splurge it on your parents as he has on the money he earns.

Regards,
Kalyani

 

I think that help parents, if they need help, is a duty for boys and girls, but also that buy a present should be something that come from your soul not just something that you do because tradition/society said it.

God bless you

Laura

 

Punitha.. Nice topic..

unfortunately.. its the pathetic state of suppression of women from 1000s of years back by our ancestors.. we are still struggling to get ourselves some respect.. and I know how hurting it would be.. that too when you are not working and had to depend on your husband it becomes even more stressful..

There isnt an easy solution for this I guess.. The person involved (husbands or inlaws) had to be understanding by thinking in your shoes.. would they be happy if their daughters family did the same??

 

Dear Punitha,

I think this is the plight of the values given by our society . Somethings will take long to even accept a slight change.

If a husband cannot understand these things " by himself", then do you think argument will make a difference.