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Daughter's Duty.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by puni88, Oct 26, 2007.

  1. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello All,
    Recently myself and my husband were into arguements... that he wants to buy a expensive oranament for his mom as it is his duty to do something for his mom.
    I said, its been 10yrs of my married life and I didn't buy a single saree for my mom.
    So his point was, girls after marriage should not give anything to her parents, instead girls should get from his parents house.
    I said, like you my parents have also brought me up with good life, education etc, but still he insisted that even though girls are educated, girls money after marriage belongs to him and his family, not to her parents or girl itself.

    My points are:
    1. What is the girls duty towards her parents after her marriage?
    2. Is she has to break all relationship with her parents?
    3. Are we a money getting mechines to these guys??
    4. DOn't we have our own identity??




    Thanks,
    Punitha
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2007
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  2. Mythraeyi

    Mythraeyi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Punitha,

    I totally support you on this, nowadays daughters are no different from sons and we should support and look after our parents in their old age. We are daughters first and wives later, so to expect us to cut off relations with parents after marriage is unrealistic. How would he feel if you asked him to do the same?

    Mythraeyi
     
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  3. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Mythraeyi ,
    Thanks for sharing your views...
    His point is that I think in an eccentric way by not following hindu tradition/culture.

    ~Punitha
     
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  4. yamusarna

    yamusarna Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Punitha,
    I agree with you too. How can one cut ties with the family that has brought you up, and made you the person you are today. As much as you have responsibility as daughter in law, your husband also has his responsibilities as son-in-law to your family. You might probably not be able to stop him from gifting jewellery to his mom, but you could also make it clear to him that ,then he will not be able to stop you from doing things for your family.

    Also, I feel that we chant the mantras during the marriage, without knowing them. An understanding of those mantras, should make clear his responsibilities....

    Just my view......

    Regards,
    Yamuna.
     
  5. Abha

    Abha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Punitha

    Well, this "ladki waale" "ladke waale" thing is over these days... if girl's parents give gifts to her in laws on Diwali... so the in laws dont take it for granted that its okey it is their duty... in fact they also in return give equivalent gifts... that is the trend these days cos nobody thinks it as a "samdhi" relationship... they take it as any other relationship... i mean for god's sake, in india we even gift on diwali to our Neighbours yaar so those are your DIL's parents i mean a relationship for life..

    this is a very good topic that you have raised Punitha... i mean i can understand it very well.. see sometimes if the girl's parents arent treated well, i mean responded in terms of gifts or anything... girls would have kept it inside and this things grows in huge proportions as resentment for the in-laws... which is not healthy at all...

    So being a girl's parents they dont expect anything... i mean while i was earning and unmarried my parents never took a penny from me... but that doenst mean i dont gift them.. I want to gift them a lot of things... God Forbid they ever need anything from anybody... all a girl's parents need is love an respect... and i dont want that they shud feel that they dont have a son so they shud never accept any gifts from us...

    Everyone should see themselves as parents of a daughter !!!

    ~Abha
     
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  6. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Yamuna,
    We all know that we chanted some prayers during our marriages.
    But for some people, these mantras/prayers will not be of any value compared to their mom's teachings:bang:bang

    ~Punitha
     
  7. GayathriSundar

    GayathriSundar Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Punitha,
    Yes it is true that you are not following the Hindu/Tradition culture --- for you are going out of the home and bringing in money to support your family. Traditionally the wife stayed home and ruled it!!!
    Your husband and others like him twist tradition/culture as and how it suits them!!!
    I am not sure what a girl's duty is towards her parents after marriage. I believe the girl's parents if asked would just want love and affection. This of course should not stop you from buying gifts for them.
    Not only do girl's parents provide good education and good childhood; they also fund all the wedding expenses (atleast in most cases) and all later expenses for "custom/tradition". My father had to take an early retirement to free up money from PF to get me married!!!

    Gayathri
     
  8. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Abha,
    I wish my husband understand the modern world concept.

    ~Punitha
     
  9. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Gayathri,
    It is very much true that we were brought up with much love, affection and all facilities than our husbands.
    I liked the words :
    Your husband and others like him twist tradition/culture as and how it suits them!!!

    This is very much true in my IL's house.

    Thanks,
    Punitha

    Re: Daughter's Duty.
    <HR>Hi Punitha,
    Yes it is true that you are not following the Hindu/Tradition culture --- for you are going out of the home and bringing in money to support your family. Traditionally the wife stayed home and ruled it!!!
    Your husband and others like him twist tradition/culture as and how it suits them!!!
    I am not sure what a girl's duty is towards her parents after marriage. I believe the girl's parents if asked would just want love and affection. This of course should not stop you from buying gifts for them.
    Not only do girl's parents provide good education and good childhood; they also fund all the wedding expenses (atleast in most cases) and all later expenses for "custom/tradition". My father had to take an early retirement to free up money from PF to get me married!!!

    Gayathri
     
  10. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    What will those parents do when they have only one daughter. Husbands also should understand that the wives parents have also bought them with great love, affection and also difficulty. If they have not given their daughters the best in education, in grooming can these men lead a better life with their wives.

    Pls dont think I am asking you to fight, but you have all rights and it is your duty to give something, gift something or even if you could afford you could even send some money so that they could use whenever they need.

    Let me tell you something, it was my dad's 59th birthday last year and I surprised them with seer. Paruppu thengai, sweet and Murukku. In general the sambandis will keep seer (that too pen kudutha sambandis), but my MIL is different. She treated my father as her own brother. Though she is not alive, I thought if she was alive she would have def done this I just surprised them with this.

    My MIL was so insistent that every year me and my husband should gift a dress to my parents for any occasion; she used to tell my husband, even if you dont get us something you should def get them something every year. Instead of just getting them you could get them something for their wedding day. And right from the year of our marriage we have followed that.

    Sorry if I have bored you.
     

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