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Daughter Wants To Get Married

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by indubalram, Feb 29, 2020.

  1. indubalram

    indubalram Gold IL'ite

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    All financial aspects are none in her name including 401k
     
  2. indubalram

    indubalram Gold IL'ite

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    Yes I have met him. He seems to be a good person
     
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  3. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't worry about these things. 401K is usually linked to a person's employment. When her companion is employed in a company, it is HIS account.

    The key thing is that the child should be happy, and talking to you frequently enough. That is what matters.

    Yes. Foreign living desi parents will have to adapt. It would take some getting used to, when that Khalil Gibran's arrow (from @Rihana 's poem in post#2) comes home for holidays with whoever it had stuck on.
    And we have to manage a dinner table conversation -- exponentially more difficult than a mere boy/girl-dekko meet-&-greet. Then to decide on sleeping arrangements at home. A new chapter in life for innocents abroad.
     
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Whose 401K? Your daughter is working?
     
  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Good question, as Joint accounts are not feasible in 401K. Many large employers will offer spousal healthcare coverage to the live-in companion of the same sex or opposite sex. The employee has to submit a "life change" form with the new addition of the name. This is actually as big a "commitment" as a marriage. This commitment will also be a step-creep towards the co-mingling of credit-worthiness. In this connection, being "unmarried" is a safe thing, if one partner is carrying a large student loan liability.

    After getting used to the notion of daughter-&-sig'other, mummy may ask the child about health and wellbeing. And how she is dealing with healthcare. And so on.
     
    Last edited: Feb 29, 2020
  6. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    @indubalram You should really applaud your daughter for letting you know that she wants to live-in.
    She waited till she is 24 is another great thing. Now it is her life her choice. Since you have already met the guy and you like him is there is a reason why you don't want her to live-in ?
    You should also count yourself lucky that she is not asking you to find a match. That is the biggest headache . You are dealing with solution not a problem. Worry when the problem comes.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    @mangaii and @BhumiBabe are very right.

    It is very common and has been so for a while. My friend's DD shared an apartment with her boyfriend at around that age. Very sanskari and good-natured girl. Had arangetram, classical music expert, polite, talks well with parents' friends, regular summer trips to India.. the works.

    I think Indian parents don't talk much about it so we don't realize how prevalent it is.
     
  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Yep, all of the girls I am talking about, we all learned bharatnatyam together, attended temple, celebrated Navratri, Diwali and Pongal with our families, visited India every 2-3 years, spoke our native tongue (Tamil), and were the very definition of “good” girls.
     
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  9. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    How she is going to support herself financially in this live-in? is she started earning? or You continue to pay for regular bills? It is not about savings..related.
     
  10. indubalram

    indubalram Gold IL'ite

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    We take care of her college feed etc. others he takes care
     

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