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Daily Calls Daily Drama..help Me To Let Go

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Prabh, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. Prabh

    Prabh New IL'ite

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    Hi all

    We are in US with my 2 year old baby.
    We use to call in weekend to our in-laws via Skype 2_3 times so that they can see and enjoy time with grandparents but offlately my mil who is always more interfering and always poking in our every thing started emotional drama which worked on my husband, that we are sitting miles apart we want to see you please talk to us daily please talk to us we miss you we miss the child.
    She has seen our life styles here by being here in US and I directly and indirectly told her it's difficult for husband and wife to sit together after baby even on weekends still we manage everything alone we are really busy here.

    But now from last 2 months my husband has started making them calls video call daily and that is so irritating .
    He is not disturbing any of our schedule but it's irritating to listen to her voice and pointless drama daily that makes no sense and I always remember her past experience with me so difficult to forget that.

    Now as soon as we finish dinner husband will say to my baby let's talk with grandmother .
    I know he is never bothered about how when I am talking with my parents no restriction
    But I cant digest all of the sudden he starred talking daily with them for 15 to 2p minutes.
    I tried everything watching a movie etc but nothing worked he will switch off t.v. and make a call definitely .
    Please help me to absorb this behaviour .
    PS - he knows very well their nature and their past behaviour and forgot everything as he is son
     
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  2. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear op

    True they forget what their parents did to his wife. And how much it strained his marriage and relationship with wife.

    Probably even we(women) won't have have grudge if our parents hurt us.

    How much ever you think about this it will only make you feel bitter and
    in turn if you try to cut off your dh might hate you for it.. Unless he decides to call only during weekend there is nothing much you can do.

    Go to room try calling your parents during that time.

    Finish your kitchen work meanwhile.

    Just be away so you don't hear conversation and feel irritated.

    Once 15mins cal is over its just u dh and kid..
     
    Flower27, ratan, Chocolatey and 3 others like this.
  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Get a good pair of headphones and listen to music while the grandparents bond with their grandchild. As far as you don’t have to sit through the calls and be a part of the drama you should be ok, right ? Plus it’s only 10-15 mins.
     
    shravs3, ratan, Chocolatey and 7 others like this.
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Use this for me-time. Sit with a book and glass of wine/cup of hot chocolate or put on a face mask and pamper yourself. As long as you don't have to be present let it go.
     
  5. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    I echo Candy... Same suggestion . Dont bother unless you are forced to talk. When your Dh and baby talks with them , enjoy your time.
     
    radv and Sandycandy like this.
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't let this bother you. Think of this as the time your husband and mother in law are baby sitting your child.

    Use this time to finish of your after dinner chores in peace or use it to take a nice warm shower . Imagine not having to worry about baby,not having to rush through a shower. It is a luxury when your child is young.

    Put on some music and wait for hubby to give you your time off.
     
    shravs3, madras2018, yesican and 3 others like this.
  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Stop thinking husband is a best friend who will stand up for you against those who hurt you or show his loyalty. They are always sons first. I'm not saying that's how it should be but that's how it is in almost every household= hope it makes you feel better.
    Just be cool and live your life- you are very very far from them. It's just 15 minutes, appreciate the blessings!
     
    Flower27 likes this.
  8. Rakshini

    Rakshini Silver IL'ite

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    Hi prabh
    I can understand your feelings.there s no much matter to speak daily.iam sure it will not continue .I could feel how much you get irritated bcos of this calls (even if they are thousands of miles they can't stop their torture.)
    Suggestions
    1.use it as me time(nice,relaxed shower,read a book , listen to music and do whatever you can't do with your kid)
    2.u can finish kitchen work and preparation for next day,winding up the kitchen
    3.dont ask him to stop instead you can ask to reduce the timings (from 20 mind to 10 min).or may be alternative days
    Just few minutes,forget it.live your life
    Enjoy and don't feel bad
     
  9. beingmom

    beingmom Bronze IL'ite

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    If I were you, I'd go to another room, sit back and relax. I wish my husband show the kids to in laws every day and I get to spend a little free time for myself.
     
  10. Janvi2017

    Janvi2017 New IL'ite

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    I am also the victim of these kind of video calls , it’s been 8 years we are married staying in USA .Initially it use to be talking With his parents , sister as soon as he wakes up with phone call on weekdays and weekends and it use to be hours . Weekdays I never use to wake up till he go office , as I could not start my day with there voices and same thing on weekend, he use to be there in phone till afternoon and I use to get so personally hurted , but he never understood, instead it was like a fire for whole weekend, I use to be dull and he will get irritated and fight unnecessary taking different topic , it not only started spoiling our relationship but also my health .
    As years went on , I couldn’t take there voices morning, night and got more irritated bcz I don’t have good relationships with them , especially my sil , I have heard them even speaking about her maid , later my son was born and phone calls started into video calls , every weekend video call for 1 hr and phone call during weekday , and when he use to be small he was hesitating to talk and eventually my husband use to get angry, telling am not teaching him to be affectionate to his grandparents and again fights .I tried planning to go out weekend morning, they will give missed call and he calls them on way , if I make phone to my home after his , he comments on what I talk and I get irritated and hang up , These all took toll on my health and I started developing anxiety disorder, use to feel kind of scared when phone rings , that’s where I started realizing am more important and my health than anything.These are things I started doing and am in my better condition now
    1.Acceptance, Acceptance,Acceptance , nothing changes until they realize , that never happened in my case . So I gave up on him and took care of me
    2. Took a wireless Bluetooth earphones and I put in as soon as I wake up in morning weekends , with good music in my phone , till there video calls .My son started realizing his dad gets angry , so he also speaks now , I don’t worry about he getting angry on kid ,Then I will be in normal and good mood all day and spend time with them.
    3.Weekday, Go to sleep early and make my kid also sleep early as he is in his school now , so all night calls are not heard by me .
    4.Weekday morning will make kid ready and take him school , so I made myself totally avoid there irritating conversation and affect me , got my peacefulness back .

    But in these all ways , I lost spending good time during weekends and weekdays night , watching movie together, having breakfast together, I can’t help , some ppl priority is there family and spending time with them then with there wife and kids.

    So please accepting this soon is better , I can totally understand how it irritates hearing and they giving advice daily , put headphones, go for walk or bath , just avoid this 15 min , that’s far better advice I can give you .
     

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