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Dad Deficiency Syndrome..

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Shanvy, Dec 20, 2007.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi All,

    I read this article in DNA [Daily News & Analysis] Homepage: Mumbai, India, World, breaking news, views, discussions by vinaykamat.

    I could see that most of the parents could relate to the article..so posting this here for all of us...let us also discuss about it....here is the article...

    Are you suffering from a Dad Deficiency Syndrome? If DDS isn’t worrying you, it is because you haven’t felt it yet. But you will, soon enough. DDS affects most yuppie dads in Mumbai and other cities of the world. These dads want to retire at 40 after racing up the organisation’s hierarchy like Formula One drivers.
    They are self-driven, with clearly-defined objectives, but unfortunately have not included their families in their grand plans.
    They work 24/7, 14 hours a day, and believe that work — and focus — sharpen the mind. So, if they spend quality time of 60 to 120 minutes at home, including 1,440 minutes on a Sunday, they believe they have made a sound emotional investment in the family.
    So, a dad will typically buy a Harry Potter toy, a Spiderman DVD, or a remote-controlled chopper, for his three-year-old kid on a Sunday and feel nice about it.
    On other days, where he gets 60 to 120 minutes, he’ll try to bring the kid up to speed on his new-fangled toys.
    Well, this is not exactly how it happens, but the family plot is similar. Unfortunately, the storyline is now getting more complicated.
    First, kids don’t know anything about quality time; they only understand quantity time. The more dads play with them, the happier they are.
    A 20-minute walk in Mumbai’s greenest open space, with a pug in tow, may not make a big difference to a kid. Rather, it’s about the time dad has at his disposal. To make a kid smile, he may need to think of one-hour perambulations with lots of pit stops.
    The kid just wants the dad around — without his time-management skills. Significantly, if dads haven’t realised it yet, they have made dinks (double income no kids) passé.
    The new nuclear units on the block are dimks (dad’s income and mom’s kids). These units have a dad who rakes in the mega moolah; a mom who has given up her job to look after a kid; and a kid who craves for dad’s time. Since dimks are just about surfacing in Mumbai’s suburbs, dads haven’t sensed the dangers yet.
    Years from now, as these kids grow up in a world where Brand India is ubiquitous, they will conveniently forget their dads, and thank their moms, when they receive Pulitzers, Man Bookers, and such other global awards.
    In this mom-branded world, dads will be the highly-competitive supply chains. Even today, if you are an early-morning walker, you’ll notice 7am moms, mothers who drop their tots to school regularly.
    And, if you are back home by 6pm, you’ll see McMoms, mothers who take their kids, and kids’ friends, to fast-food outlets.
    You will also find am-to-pm moms, moms who manage kids round the clock even as they leave dads to scrounge for quality time.
    An article in USA Today, on December 11, about dads and kids, shows that dads are now realising the gravity of the problem.
    “Their situation reflects the conflicts that are becoming increasingly common in workplaces across the nation, as fathers press for more family time and something other than a traditional career path.
    As dads demand paternity leave, flexible work schedules, telecommuting and other new benefits, they’ve ignited what workday specialists are calling the Daddy Wars,” says the article.
    Although Mumbai hasn’t reached the ‘daddy-wars’ stage yet, dads are getting there. If they don’t, doctors will soon add DDS to the list of urban ailments.
    “In Mumbai, DDS is a civic problem,” a dad told me. “Improve road traffic, build flyovers, and I’ll be able to treble my quality time at home. Improve airport infrastructure, and I’ll spend less time hovering over the city.”
    Till then, kids will have to learn to be patient.
    In Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s novel, One Hundred Years in Solitude, Melquiades (a gypsy) creates magic by arousing kids’ curiosity with novelties like ice and magnets every time he visits the village of Macondo.
    It is the kind of curiosity that’s missing from urban kids’ lives. It is the true story of urban solitude, where magical relationships between dads and kids are slowly burning out.
    However, the story of solitude has also a flip side. For many career-focused dads, it is also the alchemy of success.

    Though he has used mumbai as a example...it is a very common scenario all over. I know from experience, how much ever time I spend with my kids, especially my son, he will be waiting for a few minutes with his Dad. And veda does give quality time..but it is never enough according to the kids....
    sindmani and bhuvnidhi like this.

  2. puni88

    puni88 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for sharing this info.
    I have seen many families like that.
    I won't be surprised seeing mom's also doing the same in few families.
  3. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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  4. Rajkum846

    Rajkum846 Platinum IL'ite

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    What is important for the kids is the feeling that there is someone whom they can depend on. It can be dad or mom or grandparents. If dad has spent more time in the initial days and is suddenly missing for long duration, then kids can miss him. If dad has been always absent, kid will not miss him. You feel that your kid longs for dad's time, even when you spent entire day with him, but in reality dad's time is a novelty for few minutes as the kid has spent long time with you and finds dad as a new entity for the day. So the kid shows excitement on seeing him.
    DDS probably affects dad's future with the kid, more that kid's future/well being.
    Same goes for situation where dad spends more time with the kid, compared to mom.

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