1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Daag Ache Hote Hai

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Kamalji, Jan 13, 2010.

  1. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,153
    Likes Received:
    5,811
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Male


    Daag Ache Hote Hai



    There is this Surf Excel Ad that irritates me no end. I am watching the cricket matches, and this ad come repeatedly. In the class, the teacher is absent , and the students come to know, that her dog has died, and she is absent because of it.


    One of the students goes to the teacher, and to cheer her up, behaves like a dog, on all his four, goes down, and even lifts his leg to pee on the bushes, which makes the sad teacher laugh. And he is dirty, and the teacher hugs him in the end, and she too gets dirty.And Shabhana Azmi’s voice comes and says “ Daag ache Hote Hai “


    Dettol says daag and dirt and not good, and u must avoid them.Now who is right , even I am confused.See the more dirt u have, the more soap u will use, so this way, HLL will have more sales of Surf. Some bright MBA must have thought of this strategy, God bless him .


    If I was an employee of HLL I would wear dirty clothes to office, which stink too
    The left part of the shirt will be dirty, very dirty, and the right side will be shining white.If scolded I will tell the bosses, that I am doing a good advt for yr p roduct, and u better give me a raise ! These guys will be visible from far, and they will be the walking advertisement for the company.


    Well even Harsha is into all this. Let me tell u how. She goes to Satsang, and she keeps eating my head to come.Her guru was here a fortnight back and around 2,00,000 people attended. She has the pull and got me the first row pass, I mean where the Chief Minister, The IG, and other big shots sit, right at the front, but I refused.Once she dragged me , and I fell asleep, listening to the drone, of No Kababa, No Sharaba, u will go to hell etc.And the guy sitting next to me gave me a nudge in the ribs, as it seems I was snoring and right in the front row, the saint watching me.



    So I avoid. And I tell her, Harsha your going is enough there. You go and clean the sins thati have committed , as a dutiful wife, we need just one dhobi in the house, and u are doing a nice job of it. So I try and commit a lot of sins, like yakking with female bloggers, posting naughty jokes, eyeing the females in the park, and a few things I wont mention here. So the chaddar, that is the bedsheet gets pretty dirty,.and she goes and prays to her Guru, and the bedsheet is washed every week. So we two comliment each other, I dirty, and she cleans, with her spiritual Surf ! The dirtier the clothes, the more the money is worth spending on getting it clean, or better still drycleaned.


    Who would be stupid to send a spotless white cloth for washing, surf or no surf eh ! But it will take her years to understand what I mean. I cant listen to Guru’s preachings, for I am uneducated, so cant understand what they say.Harsha’s Guru, is among the few ones that I like, there are no posters when he comes, no loudspeakers, no movie is taken out of his, nor any audio cassettes.


    Whenever there is no good programme to watch at night on Cable, I go to Sanskar Channel, and watch Muni Tarun Sagar, and his high pitch notes amuse me no end.Yesterday Sri Sri was live on Sanskar, and it was very organized, Shankar Mahadevan singing some bhajans, ladies singing with him in chourus, the audience in same coloured clothes, but Sri said nothing, was just smiling, and wearing a Red Rajasthani Pagri. People are so mersemerized, they lose their own power of thinking, and will blindly follow what their Guru tells them.


    Surf Excell is good, and so are gurus. One washes the stains, the other the sins.But I am a hopeless case, beyond redemption , I want to go to Hell, for Hell has everything that I desire.


    And I have told Harsha, with corruption abounding in Hell, I will arrange a pass and come meet her sometimes, for old times sake ! She takes comfort in that.


    I know all my blogger friends will be in Heaven, but don’t u worry, I wont leave u there too, will come and bore u there, with talks of the babes at my place.


    With those blessings of mine to u all, See u in the next blog,


    KAMAL MAHTANI




    Sorrow is our constant companion , Happiness comes and goes

    Santa read this and told Banta

    “ My wife is always with me, My Saali comes and goes





    A Man is told he has 24 hours to live.
    He asks his wife , if he can make love one last time.
    Crying and Upset, she agrees,a nd they have a mindblowing time.


    After 12 hours, he again asks her, she agrees , and a great time follows

    After 18 hours again he pesters his wife for one last time.

    This time she blows her fuse and Yells “ You stupid moron, I am not being rude, but I have to get up in the morning, you don’t !
     
    Loading...

  2. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    33,479
    Likes Received:
    26,554
    Trophy Points:
    640
    Gender:
    Female
    Kamalji you make all of us happy and wash our sorrows, so you are helpful to us here in IL. You must be doing lot of punya which u dont want to say so you will definitely go to Heaven and we all will accompany you wherever you go because we dont want to miss such a nice and humorous blogger.

    Regards
    viji
     
  3. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    33,479
    Likes Received:
    26,554
    Trophy Points:
    640
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Mindi

    I saw you reading Kamalji's thread, so I read it fast and gave the fb first so that I can overtake you. I know your fb will be too good

    love
    viji
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2010
  4. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,330
    Likes Received:
    3,343
    Trophy Points:
    355
    Gender:
    Female
    dear kamalji,

    i too do not like that particular ad...how can that teacher laugh when a child behaves that way,i wonder??
    anyways..nice pair you and harshaji...perfectly complementing each other..:thumbsup but oh please do not sit in the VIP row and snore,that is just too much:biglaugh
    and by now,i think we all know what sins you commit..i am interested in all those sins that you say you wont tell us ::)
    and what makes you so sure that all your friends here are going to heaven :biglaugh
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2010
  5. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,153
    Likes Received:
    5,811
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Male

    Dear Viji,

    Thanks for the first comments as usual.I guess the only good thing i do, is to make u all laugh, and forget the day's sorrow:biglaugh

    Dont worry dear Sis,i will come and regale u all , even if we are on opposite side of the fence.HAHA.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  6. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,153
    Likes Received:
    5,811
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Mindi,

    See Harsha is so cooperative , she takes the trouble to wiash my sins, every week without fail.:biglaugh

    Swear i fall asleep, i feel so bored with the sermons, they all hae the same topics, dont do bad, dont eat meat, dont drink etc etc.I have heard it a umpteen times before.

    Just imagine if i become a Guru, live satsangs,and on TV, no one will get a chance to sleep, everybody will be laughing every minute, i will tell everyone

    Eat Drink and Fart,
    For that too is an Art.:biglaugh

    these gurus dont have a sense of humour, they scare u, they think veg people, are good, they dont steal, cheat, or rape, and all these things are done by people like me.

    And i will tell all the followers of mine " Daag Ache Hote Hai " Commit sins and come and wash them with me, and be clean again:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl

    And well as u can see from my karmas, all the Gurus will curse me, and make sure io go to hell.

    and Mindi, since u and other ilites are mostly Veg, and dont make fun of Gurus, u will all surely go to Heaven, but dont worry, i will take out a pass, and come and bore u all over there, we will form our own group out there.

    HAHA.

    thanks for the lovely FB.

    Regards

    kamal
     
  7. Padmini

    Padmini IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,795
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    Trophy Points:
    345
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Kamalji,
    In a wonderful manner you have connected the stains in clothes and stains in our mind! kudos to you. But I do not agree with you in the case of the surf excel ad.
    The empathy and depth of concern the student feels for his teacher is the real substance of integrity and character, the very stuff students ought to learn inside the classroom. Wearing sparkling clothes and coming first in class is the normative (prescribed, as it were) theme of most detergent ads.Surf Excel turns the mantra of modern competitiveness on its head. The sensitivity of the kid, who feels deep empathy for his teacher and in that state of mind, abandons all care for his uniform, or orderly conduct. The little boy’s actions transcend the limitations of run-of-the-mill expectations to become something more.
    You can make the hell heaven by your humorous posts!!:)Accepting our mistakes itself is a " Punya" So in that case there is aplace for you in heaven. Like you i wand to finish my feedback with a joke about hell and heaven.
    Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven...don't step on the ducks."
    So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
    Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman!"
    The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter , who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
    The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on...a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
    The woman replies, "I don't know about you but I stepped on a duck"
    with love
    pad
     
  8. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorrow is our constant companion , Happiness comes and goes
    Santa read this and told Banta
    “ My wife is always with me, My Saali comes and goes


    Kamalji.... I think one of these days the wives are going to have a dharna infront of your house and Harsha may be the leader!!!:biglaugh:biglaugh
    Not seen the tv ad but your connection with surf excel and guruji is ....well....only you can think of it!!!:cheers
    About going to hell... am sure the angels of heaven may trade you for some great entertainment.... like we give you one guruji and 1000000 packets of surf excel to clean all the sins for one kamal mathani!!!:thumbsup
    great going...
    K
     
  9. Jpatma

    Jpatma Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,550
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    KM ji,
    Bahuth khub ! I loved our padu's fb. I love the ad and the meaning and iam sure you too love the ad, you are just dramatising. After all you too will be lost without your dogs.

    Iam sorry to say Harsha cannot wash your sins , you will have to do it yourself. Again what is sin? It is all made be society- hope you don't drink and harm others, you oogle pretty women and view them in mind and not by hand and you eat meat and satisfy your hunger. I don't see you have harmed in anyone in this respect.
    I have a great feeling you will be in heaven,making the Gods laugh while many others will be in Hell. Then again who has seen heaven and hell to say that it exists.?
    You must listen to my Guru Km ji ! he is always joking and my friend X loves to talk abt women. He used to talk abt these s.east women to my Guru. My Guru will laugh with him, my Guru was back from Cambodia and my friend X asked him " what did you see there Guru ji?" Guru said "Apsaras".
    One day my DS and friend X told my Guru (while he was in Malaysia) we are going to take you to pub and then to casino. My Guru told them i can come and sit with you whole night , i will take orange juice and you take your beers and meat in the same table. I have no problem with that.
    So you see KM ji ! you will be in heaven, make sure i get a pass to meet you there.
     
  10. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    13,153
    Likes Received:
    5,811
    Trophy Points:
    545
    Gender:
    Male

    Dear Pads,

    Naughty Naughty Pads.:rotfl:rotfl:rotflWhat a classy joke.I will make sure i wont step on a duck be rest assured.HAHAHAHAHAHA

    Well , who knows if there is heaven orhell, but well since we belive they exist, well , so we contingue to spin stories eh !

    thanks for the lovely FB, superb.Regards

    kamal
     

Share This Page