1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Cross Cousin Marriages -- Support Or Oppose ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Hopikrishnan, Apr 20, 2021.

  1. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    804
    Likes Received:
    839
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Male
    Recently I mused on the subject of In-law relationships for the newly widowed person. Do these relationships continue after the death of the law-link through the married person ? Many of us agreed that these relationships might continue if there is some continuing monetary give and take between ex-in-laws; otherwise, NO.

    Here is a somewhat related question. The custom of cross-cousin marriages exist in several cultures in the East as well as the West [& I suspect in the other two directions as well]. Cross cousins and Parallel cousins refer to the children of our parents' brothers and sisters (parents' siblings).

    Here is a picture <source> that shows the relationships:
    upload_2021-4-20_10-53-1.png

    [EGO is oneself, circles are Females, and Triangles are Males. Father's Sister's children, and Mother's Brother's children are cross cousins]:

    "Cross cousin good; parallel cousin bad" is the basic rule in cultures that approve of such marital matches. Of course the other factors (age appropriateness, education, money, liking one another, etc..) would be applied as well. In the ancient collective family living schemes, cousins would grow up knowing full well who-is-marriable and who-isn't. In modern times, when nuclear families live far apart, even in different continents, such cross cousin marriages are still going on.

    If there has been a cross-cousin marital link, and one parent of the two is widowed, the relationship transactions between the families would still continue....even without any money give or take, to whatever extent that is feasible.

    I have known a few cross-cousin marriages in my extended family/clan. The children of the marriages have gone on to have lives as normal/ordinary as others born to those that had married thoroughly outside the family.

    Do you approve of cross cousin marriages ? :
    your son or daughter marrying his/her cross cousin ?
    Are you married to your cross cousin ?


    I should have added another question here.... fortuitously, still in Edit-time:
    You find out that your child/sibling is seriously thinking of marrying someone who is the product(scion) of a cross cousin marriage: Worry, Act, or Ignore ?
     
    Last edited: Apr 20, 2021
    Loading...

  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,971
    Likes Received:
    5,129
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Do I approve: none of my business
    Child marrying cousin: hardly likely as all are same gender
    Am I married to cousin: heck no!
     
    Angela123 and Hopikrishnan like this.
  3. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    804
    Likes Received:
    839
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Male
    An acquaintance lost her first son (congenital heart disease) just before the child turned 2, and the couple spent a few years of agony before gambling again on a second pregnancy. Although one of them is from Karnataka (kannadiga) and the other from AP, the AP-husband was a child of cross-cousin marriage. However, each of their extended families had engaged in such practices a few times in the past. Their second son is now in his early 30's, married and doing OK. Still childless. However, I am not sure if the couple had disclosed any of their history to the (punjabi ancestry) girl who married him.

    This is not something about India. Many children of immigrants to USA go on to marry their choices from whatever backgrounds, and ethnic origins.

    In a United States, there are plenty of states where marriages between (any manner of) cousins is legal. No differentiations between parallel and cross cousins.

    [​IMG]
    Laws regarding first-cousin marriage in the United States
    Dark Blue = First-cousin marriage is legal
    Light Blue = Allowed with requirements or exceptions
    Pink /flesh = Banned with exceptions1
    Red = Statute bans first-cousin marriage1
    Brown = Criminal offense1

    In the following link you can see state-by-state information on the law, and what is allowed.
    Cousin marriage law in the United States - Wikipedia
     
  4. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,258
    Likes Received:
    2,303
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Marrying a cousin/uncle was a new concept for me when I met a few South Indians way back during the PhD days. I thought these marriages happen only in the Muslim community.

    In my community, we can't marry anyone who shares my father's, mother's, and both grandmother's last names. If you share any of these last names, you are considered brother-sister. We also do not marry in a village (you live in the village or not, doesn't matter) that has a population (even very small) with any of those four last names. It is a very complicated system.

    Do I approve: none of my business, really!
     
    Hopikrishnan likes this.
  5. vidukarth

    vidukarth Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,359
    Likes Received:
    1,020
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    my uncle married his uncle's daughter (his mom and the girl's father were own brother and sister). They are married for 35 years, have a son, who has a son and is perfectly normal in terms of health. Not sure about which cases they get the health issues.

    Do I approve, I really don't know at this time, and I don't think my kid will do that since most of them are age wise apart or of same gender.
     
    Hopikrishnan likes this.
  6. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    282
    Likes Received:
    385
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Cross cousin marriages were more prevalent in south India till previous generations. The benefits are
    The property, money stays within the family.
    The cousin’s are already known people. It's a safe bet for a society where arranged marriages are the norm.
    I have seen Cross cousin marriages in my dad's and mom's side. The children are healthy.
     
    Hopikrishnan likes this.
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    804
    Likes Received:
    839
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Male
    Yes. In the USA, the immigrants from the horn of Africa (Somali's especially) have this practice. We know more about Somali-Americans, because of the congresswoman Ilhan Omar, and how often she is talked about on News channels. However, in her State, Minnesota, the practice is not legal.

    California and Newyork, two very populous states in the USA approve of first cousin marriages. Hard to believe this is prevalent in the 2nd gen or among the native born in latter generations. Cloistered, and close-knit immigrant communities of all religions and ethnicities may have this. Most of the NewEngland states seem to fall into this category. This seems to be more of a coastal thing, than widespread in America. Icelandic communities have had this practice in prior centuries when migration was difficult, and people tended to continue to live close to where they were born.

    Askenazim (the European Jews, mostly in USA & Israel) have the same problem as the Icelandic people. Ashkenazi Jews descended from a relatively small original population; not only do many Ashkenazi Jews share genetic features, but they are more prone to certain genetic diseases such as Tay Sachs, Gaucher disease and cystic fibrosis. Today it is very typical (and in Israel it is mandatory , source) for engaged couples to undergo genetic testing before a marriage is approved.

    The family-name or last-name avoidance in marital match scheme is based on "Gôtra" or Gôthra, the patrilineal label of the candidate's ancestry. Two persons with the same Gotra are related through their fathers, and therefore cannot marry. When modern life had made collective family, or village communities fade away, this Gotra label is a means of sustaining the genetic variance in the future generations. I have seen matrimonial advert's in Indian newspapers mention Gotra: To let potential respondents know the ancestry, and signal that it matters.
     
  8. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,971
    Likes Received:
    5,129
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Usually if it’s a one-time marriage between cousins and the practice only happens rarely within the same family the children will be fine. Problems arise when this becomes a practice over many generations or if there are recessive mutations carried in the family.
    I have one set of cousins in my immediate family whose parents were first cousins and a few more in the extended family. All the kids are perfectly fine.
    This practice appears to have ended with my parents generation, at least in my family. The current batch of youngsters would probably think one was a nut case and a pervert if this was suggested to them.
     
  9. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    548
    Likes Received:
    817
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Its usually the 'wealth will stay within the family' notion that people decide to get married into the same family?

    There is a less chance that a potential troublesome gene mutation would get 'balanced out' as there is no escape from the family gene pool. It would inturn multiply the potential of the troublesome gene.

    It might not happen right away withthe first inter-family marraige ( or if unlucky it might) but after enough times of not letting other set of family genes in...it would be invitable.
     
    Hopikrishnan and sandhya2020 like this.
  10. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    548
    Likes Received:
    817
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes gotras are a pointers to genetics over the ages. Some gotras are closer to others and some are further ( again implies genetically). I think its the way of nice mix and match of genes.

    However, gotras wont automatically imply happy marraiges :buenrollo:. They only make sure the genes are varient enough to cancel out bad possibilites of offsprings.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2021
    Hopikrishnan and sandhya2020 like this.

Share This Page