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Covid And Travel:mini Freak Out

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ATI, Jun 3, 2020.

  1. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    My ILs were supposed to have traveled to the US just as the covid lockdown started in India. Their flight was canceled so they couldn’t make it. Now they want to come here as soon as the lockdown ends. I am very nervous. There are a lot of covid cases where they live and if they get on a plane and make the trip here their risk of infection is high. They are both 70+ and FIL has other health conditions. Seems like a lot of risk but they are saying it’s just as risky to stay in India. They don’t have health insurance here but DH wants to buy private insurance for them which is fine. If they come here do we ask them to quarantine in an airport for 14 days before they come home? What if they test positive? What if one of them tests positive? How can we ask them to stay in a hotel for 14 days and not go out/not visit them ? DH says he will bring his parents home from the airport and ask them to stay in their room in our house without coming out. I don’t think we can implement this. There is no way they will stay in 1 room for 14 days with us living right outside. Initially they will say we will stay 6 feet away and then they will move around the house and I can’t do anything about it.

    My son has asthma and has had pneumonia. I have pulled my kids out of all classes and we are completely socially distanced right now. I thought kids can go back to school in fall but if my ILs come I can’t send kids back to schooL as they could bring the infection home from school. I have no idea how I am going to homeschool them next year while working full time. And no DH will not help with the home schooling. He says his parents will help but there is no way they can homeschool the kids. My son’s syllabus is too advanced and my daughter doesn’t understand half of what they say to her. Should I teach my daughter to speak our mother tongue - sure. Will I do it now in the middle of this crisis - no! I am barely holding it together and adding the load of caring for ILs and not having kids go back to school next year will break me. But DH thinks I am overreacting !!


    I have no idea what to do. DH is not sharing any of their plans with me. It will be one of those things they decide and I will be informed afterwards. I have only had 1 or 2 conversations with DH about this. Once he knew I wasn’t going to immediately say ok he stopped telling me anything.

    if I put my foot down and say no to them coming here and if they later fall sick in India it will be my fault. My co -sis has already said they can’t come to her place and her DH backs her up. So it has to be my place because my DH can’t say no to his parents. I have no idea what to do!! Has anyone had to figure out parents’ trip during covid? I don’t even know how to broach the topic with DH because he says he is worried about how his parents will manage if they fall sick in India and I don’t disagree. I am worried about how I will manage if they fall sick here! Or if the kids fall sick! Part of me thinks I am being selfish and honestly if I wasn’t worried about the kids health I would have said it’s ok I will manage. I don’t understand why DH doesn’t see the risk to my son’s health . Help !!!!
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a highly irresponsible plan. Try your best to avoid them coming here. Are they US citizens or permanent residents? What kind of insurance will pay for major hospitalization if they happen to become very sick? Medical bills can pile up very quickly.
    Your husband should have better sense, really. Everyone wants to visit their family but we are all making sacrifices for the greater good. In your case both your in-laws and your son are in a risk group.
    In the worst case if they fall sick in India One of you can go visit and make arrangements for medical care.
     
  3. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    I should clarify— if they come here I want them to quarantine at a hotel in the airport / not in the airport itself
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Unless you get your husband on the same page what you want isn’t going to matter.
     
  5. Thoughtful

    Thoughtful Silver IL'ite

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    The best way to catch COVID is to go outside. Your in laws are travelling all the way from India going through airports, long flight journey, customs, taxi travel etc.

    Is it safer to do all this or to stay home in India and have minimal exposure.

    If they quarantine at hotel, what will they eat. Could they catch something from restaurant food or housekeeping. Then they will bring the infection without symptoms.

    I don't get why they can't be safe home in India. Governments have lifted lockdown, doesn't mean COVID has gone into lockdown.

    When they return back in 6 months, would the COVID be gone? I have my doubts.

    Like malstorm said, hospitalization even with travel insurance will run you a lot of money.

    They will have to be in the hospital on their own.
     
    anika987, Mistt and KashmirFlower like this.
  6. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    only practical solution is quarantine 7 days atleast in a fully furnished room inside house, occasionally during the day they come out of room ok with mask and social distance. This is only practical choice.
    If they get sick in india (hope not), You will be blamed, thats the way this game will go.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  7. sanjuruby3

    sanjuruby3 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    Why do they want to travel in this COVID situation? Unless it is for essential reasons, they should stay put.
    Couple things -
    When such situation arises, people want to be together with family. Kids with parents or parents with kids, so may be they are feeling alone there and have no other kid nearby. Still it safer to stay put for their age. Try to delay it for few months, who knows, all those astrology predictions will come out true.
    Are they coming on tourist visa? Will run into issues if they fall sick?

    If does not work out, ask them to keep sanitizing and spray on their bags at airports. Then quarantine them in a extra room of your home.

    I have completely opposite situation. We traveled in risk to India( mistake we repent). My mother (bravest lady) came to get me from airport after 6 hrs drive, she did not think much about COVID and germs.
    I am now stranded here at my ILs. Now that lock down eased out, I want to travel back to my parents - long travel, multiple airports. I will put my high risk parents at risk. My sister suggested me not to come. Even my mother had second thoughts and then few others told her same. It broke my heart like I am corona carrier. Corona has broken humanity. My father, inspite of all this( who is at most risk bte) wants me to come & ready to face situ.
    Same with me, inspite of all this risks, I feel world is ending and i need to be with my parents and they will keep me safe.
    So your ILs might be going through same state as mine. Sometimes our emotions does not let us think straight. Try to work though their emotions, talk and comfort them that if not now, may be couple months later they can come.
     
  8. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Finest Post Winner

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    @ATI
    Its the time where we need to strike a balance between emotions and reality.

    In reality, it is risky for them to travel all the way here and put your entire family under threat. It's kind of selfish actually.
    IF they get infected coz of their age, your family will be paying for their medical cost for longer than you guys can imagine.
    On a personal note- My aunt paid my grandfather medical bills for nearly 7+ years( this was 30 years ago with insurance). My aunt's friend's family filed bankruptcy and returned to India coz of parents' medical bills cant be paid. ICU per day in the US is $10k.

    There is no guarantee that even with spending so much, your IL's will recover.

    Please do some research and show the facts to your husband. Is your husband willing to take this kind of risk and put your kids and you through that?

    Emotionally- Your husband is entangled emotionally. He has to realize that the whole world is in this conflict, not just your IL's or your husband. My friend's mom passed during COVID and they couldn't go to India for the funeral. As she put herself and her family first instead of emotions. She will live through the crisis, but she is very weak emotionally. She will recover with her family and friends' support.

    Talk to your husband about in support of getting your inlaws and lay down the facts, about medical bills, children or if everyone in the family gets affected.
    Talk to him about back up plans, if they fall sick what should be your next action. If you fall sick what should your husband take action?

    Have clam discussion with just possibilities and outcome, that can happen to anyone in the family. IF they come or IF they don't come.

    Make it VERY CLEAR that the whole world is facing this tough call, not just your family.
    Whatever decision that he takes will affect your family and children for years.
    Tell him you will go to any length to keep yourself and your children safe as they are THE TOP PRIORITY for you.

    You stay strong for your children and do what's best for them.

    The underline FACT Is there is not a lot of accurate info on the COVID-19. It's so new, that the doctors are not able to tell how each person will react if they have it or catch it.
    Few have recovered with no issues, few have recovered with life long conditions.With this BIG Unknown with no vaccination in the near future
    Is your husband willing to take that risk for your child's health?

    Being conservative in approach is the best way to survive.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2020
  9. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Do not bring them to US. It’s going to be a nightmare if they fall sick there as others pointed it out. Medical bills are not fully covered if they get hospitalised. The chances that they can get covid either in India or USA is not in your hands and no one can blame you for that but if you land in financial distress then you become responsible for your actions. You are also a breadwinner and should be able to talk your husband. If he is emotionally attached he should go and stay in India. You have your kids and it’s your responsibility to make their lives an important part of the decision process which involves prudent financial planning which definitely involves your in laws to stay away right now.
     
    anika987 and Archanaanchan like this.
  10. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    The best approach is to prevent their travel now. It depends also on the their native state in India. Many states in India had strict rules for people aged 65 y or above. They are not allowed to get outside as they are most vulnerable.

    Also they have quarantine rules after reaching. They have to go to government quarantine or stay in hotel. They allow home quarantine if the travellers have bath attached bedroom.

    Its applicable to anyone. It's a great chance to get infected during travel and it's tough to get treatment in USA too, depending on the location.

    For you, your kids and you are important. So if you can't prevent their travel ask your husband to arrange stay in near by hotel for seven days, then do test for covid if its negative only then take to home to continue quarantine for another 7 days to be on the safe side. If your home dont have a spare room with bath attached, it's better not to take them there.

    Not sure why your dh is taking this lightly. Think about your safety and be firm on it. Tell him for you, your kids are first priority. Also you are very much concerned about the safety of your PILs too.

    If something happens, its going to be too expensive. A practical approach is needed now than getting emotional.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2020

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