cousin getting married to a brahmin girl

Revathi,

Your cousin is an adult.. So, when he chooses someone to spend the rest of his life with, it simply means he loves her and would be accepting anything that accompanies her. Just like how, the girl he is marrying would.

Maybe Brahmins have their rituals and customs, have you put yourself in her shoes ? She must be dreading to enter a non-brahmin family as well. She must be preparing as much as your cousin is right now..

I agree, you are worried that he may find it suffocating to go through traditions he has never before. But, that is what he chooses. Traditions are never a pain if you accept it by heart. He and his fiancee need to have a level of undrstanding and space about what each one can and cannot do in their spouse's house. Leave it to them to work out. Simply be a nice cousin and support him.

For all you know the girl must be very well adapting and you folks may love her eventually. Give it sometime and never interfere in anyone's personal life. Leave it to your cousin to handle his inlaws and his wife's relatives. You folks just try and have a good relationship with the love of your cousin's life and be supportive. That is what he needs now.

Take care.

 

Revathi,

I guess your cousin is an adult and so his lover. As how you are thinking, don't you think they might have gone through all this and still ready to face it? It's his decision to how to lead his life, yeah?

Ofcourse there might be things he might not know, same as how she might not know your rituals. But if they are ready to tackle all that, so they can end up being together, then that's what they need.

As family, in my opinion, our job is to make them aware of there is going to be ups and downs to it. Period. Then be supportive as much as you can.

 

Tambram families come in all shades of the spectrum. There are families that do not follow any rituals also. Do you know if the girls family is orthodox?

Also if the girl and boy are not going to live near either of the families there will be lesser issues. It all depends on the maturity of the two people how they handle the situations.

 

Hi,

All i can say is not all Brahmin families are orthodox, things have changed alot and many of them are modern. No matter if they are iyer's, iyengar's or any other caste, they have their own customs. When your cousin and the girl like each other all these things should not matter..

Good Luck to him :thumbsup

Pandu.

 

The Answer lies in your post:
"wants to get married. no matter what."
When he has made up his mind, I am sure he would have thought about all aspects. Your duty was giving suggestions, that you have done. Now it is his will.

Moreover, The Iyers have also broadminded people, I do not know about the particular family though.

But it is totally his look out.

 

Tell you what... my dh is a NI hindu brahmin. His mom is ALWAYS engaged in some type of ritual or astrology thing or pooja event. To this day they are still doing pooja parties so that my obnoxious sil can have a kid. His family LOVES pomp and show.

But my dh... is totally the opposite. He eats beef, drinks alcohol, prays to God only occasionally, never goes to temple, and otherwise lives a totally ritual-LESS life. So, you can't judge a book by it's cover, or a person by the reputation their caste or religion has. Even if this girl's family is super orthodox, doesn't mean she will be. She might turn out to care a damn about rituals. And if she went against her family to fall in love with your cousin... then probably she is more than willing to accept him 'as is'.

Let them decide what traditions they want to set in THEIR home, for the new family they will be starting. JMO.

 

3 years back in DH's office, one Indian Muslim man and one Indian Hindu woman fell in love and wanted to get married. Both work for the same company. They went to India and informed the Parents and wanted to seek their approval. You can guess what happened. Hell broke loose on both sides.
The man is sunni muslim, supposedly very orthodox, woman, gujarathi brahmin..........you visualise the drama happening while trying to convince the parents....no need for me to explain in detail here!!!!:rant

OK now, end of the story, both families were very strongly holding their ground so man and woman came back to US, got married and informed the parents and sent them photos!!!:thumbsup

I tell dh, there should have been a hidden camera to record the reaction.:biglaugh

Current happening: Living happily and recently even had a baby boy. Baby's name is half of mom's and half dad's name. Sounds sweet though no meaning I guess........anyway who cares about the meaning. We tell them this baby tells the story of your love in his name.
The woman does her puja daily before leaving for work and the man visits the mosque sometimes on weekends though he is not that overly religious kind. He says he likes to go to the temple...guess why? Because he likes the food in the cafetaria.!!
Both have decided to bring the baby giving him knowledge of both religions. Perfect example to show that GOD IS ONE.

So, don't worry about your cousin. If they truly love each other then these man made divisions will not affect them at all.

 

I would say if it was the other way around,the guy being a brahmin,then it would be more difficult since as per Indian culture ,it is always the girl who is expected to adjust/adapt to the boy's culture/traditions etc.( like in my case).

Your cousin is getting married to a brahmin girl ,but is anyone going to ask your cousin to follow her customs-I bet that is not going to happen.She will be forced to follow yours,whether she likes it or not. The person who should be worrying here is her!

Also,your cousin is adamant and has decided what he wants..how can you stop him?I frankly don't understand when you say that you want to change his mind..this is love,not child's play.

 

I agree with everyone's advice here about staying out of this. As a caring relative you should ask him if he has a plan to deal with some of the cultural issues that may come up. But beyond that they both are adults and should make their own decision.

If anything I would rather you try and direct your efforts to convince the family to leave them alone.