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Cousin -drift In Bonding.

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by paru123, Mar 31, 2023.

  1. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    This is about a particular cousin who is 10 years younger to me. Though I have many cousins , she is the one who has lived nearer than the others and because of that am used to seeing her more than the others in my childhood. They used to live in a very small congested house and so whenever they had a vacation or a long weekends they would come to our house and we all used to have fun time together. Their financial position was always lesser compared to us or other cousins. Though her parents were less educated and her father earning a very meager salary, they were very smart people and always used to get lucky with many small investments even during those days when none thought about wealth creation. Mostly then all middleclass people used to think about making both ends meet and or kids education/helping siblings, not about property/wealth. Her parents were extra smart as in they would always act like poor, never help anyone with money(obviously all were more educated and earning more than them so no need to give but always take), go and stay in others house for days and weeks and dont spend a penny there. Her parents were also helpful mentality people (not money wise but in person) . Even for buying whatever small property, all my uncles and even my father has helped her father.

    Now fast forward, this cousin married a rich man(love marriage), is now aborad working in a good company. Their financial position is quite better now when compared to all others in family. They are now on a property buying spree. Every 6 months they would have bought something in India like 2bhk, land or house. But the old basic nature of being poor is still visible in her as well as her parents behaviour. Even now they dont mind living in others house for free for days together.
    I always had liked this cousin more than the others but now she behaves so brat type. She is not interested in any communication in chats and will give yes/no replies, sometimes rude replies. Sometimes she will not reply on anything other than thank you on Birthdays. No wishing from her side on anyone's birthdays. No enquiring about our wellbeing or health even for a formality sake.

    My sibling is very broad minded and can see their growth in a positive way, but I kind of feel little upset because of her less communication with me. I feel like she and her parents used us when they were in need and now they dont even care to call nor talk or chat with us. More so because she was closer to us than all the other cousins. Sibling says I am envious of their growth but it is not envy.

    Now I have another second cousin. She is also abroad and working there. Though there was not much closeness with her, she is totally opposite to my first cousin. She chats regularly, enquires about our health, well being occasionally. Not able to understand people here. Seeing the first cousin I always doubt if the second one is trying to use us for a future need.

    Is anyone having any friend or cousin like above and how do you deal with mental drift in the closeness/bonding with them. Do you just assume that they are busy and so behaving distant or have they really changed.
     
    nayidulhan likes this.
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  2. nayidulhan

    nayidulhan Silver IL'ite

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    @paru123, I don't really know what to make of your two cousins' behavior. However, I can tell you something to keep in mind henceforth while handling relatives at large and these 2 cousins in particular.

    For the relatives like your little cousin, just live and let live. You like to wish them on their special days so just do it. How they choose to respond is their prerogative. This cousin per se may be busy making the most of life as she missed out on it while growing up. She may be busy with excitement about her new status but will return to the ground state some day in the future when she has had all her heart's desire. She may then find the time & the inclination to not only reply warmly but also to take the initiative to make conversations. :) Till then, you continue to interact with her the way you have been doing. Most importantly do not discuss her or your feelings about her behavior with anyone. This becomes an implicit invitation for you to be labeled as envious/ jealous and your outpouring may be perceived as gossip.

    When some relatives turn freeloaders with other relatives and you don't appreciate it, just move on. It's neither your circus nor your monkeys to worry about but if some relatives ask to do the same at your place and you don't like the idea, refuse politely but firmly.

    I cannot make out if the change in your other cousin is a genuine one. Avoid extrapolating from your past experiences though. Give them a chance to share affection but don't put your guard down- for now at least.
     
  3. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    This is something I have to take care of. There are some relatives who love to discuss such things and gossip around whatever is spoken.
     
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