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Could I Say Congratulations.... Or ... Should I Say Condolences.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Nonya, Mar 10, 2017.

  1. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    don't fake it ?!! Some six years ago, I went to a funeral of a distant relative (wealthy man who had married twice, had kids from both wives...and was 70+ when expired), whose relatives had hired professional wailers who were darn good. The man's actual relatives could never go up to that kind of sorrow and lament, because the man's death had given them, each of them, a huge inheritance, in cash, gold, and tangible properties. However, they were not allowed to be overtly happy for a respectable period of time. Those who had come to "comfort the bereaved" were treated to punch and snacks of the highest quality, and ended up discussing how much our children are behaving so much against deep rooted traditions.
     
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  2. greenchilli

    greenchilli Bronze IL'ite

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    I was actually surprised to hear about professional wailers (my Dh told me and I didn't believe it) but I guess it's true.
    I still remember my grandfathers funeral.People were discussing on "how MUCH people close to him cried and how much of it were true or fake tears".
    I distinctly remember my mom telling me that "u know u didn't cry much ".
    Thats when I understood most people there including my granny cry too much to give the drama the world asks.although thy talk normally inside the room.

    This is my personal experiences on several funerals.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2017
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  3. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah Finest Post Winner

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    There's actually a long tradition of professional mourning, in India and elsewhere.
    Just think of them as cheerleaders into Hades, and it gets easier.
    Maybe you could just go all existential, après Camus, and confuse everybody.
    "Aujourd'hui, maman est morte. Ou peut-être hier, je ne sais pas."
    :roflmao:
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2017
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Followed by " I know how you feel " :)
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    I heard that people who have lived a good and long life should not be grieved too long and should be allowed to pass over with minimum fuss.
    It allows them to move on to the next world smoothly.

    When an old relative of ours passed away.....after the " natural "grieving and the cremation was over......the family sat down and talked about him. They even made his favourite meetha bhaat(sweet rice) and told stories about him.I had known him only as a cranky old man.That day I got to know so much more about him .....that there was a time when he was a funny guy with a brilliant sense of humor.His grieving children were laughing remembering the stories with tears of laughter.
    I feel this is a much better way than competing for the best chest beater position.

    Hope your friend sees better days ahead Nonya.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Top post.
    Reminds me of a sweet poster who was tormented by her mil and her husband never stood by him.When the mother died ,he finally changed sides and tried to woo her back with sweet words,words that were missing when she needed them the most.Such men are the ultimate selfish beings who only care about themselves and their self interest.They know the art of self preservation very well.
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Never stood by her....
     
  8. shifas

    shifas Bronze IL'ite

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    No.. my MIL is still alive and i was able to live with him again because there was no particular reason for them to be pinpointed to give a divorce and they knewhe huge amount of loss they would face if divorced:tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:
    And i cant even imagine a situation where my husband understands me and says sweet words just becoz his mother is not alive anymore. We live in another town and still he lives according to their commands.
    And to be frank i would never want to see her dead just like that. As far as i know she has always been the lucky lady. She enjoys all the luxuries of love the emotional support from her husband to her children. She is the person who controls even her daughters lives. And she is happy seeing ger daughters married life. If she id dead i wont be happy at all. All the pains she gave me i can forget but the pain she gave my parents can i forget??? Noo.. right?
     
  9. shifas

    shifas Bronze IL'ite

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    Said it right. Some are soo selfish. But some will understand their mistakes and then decides to be loving. Some will never undrstand and still act as if he is changed..
     
  10. shifas

    shifas Bronze IL'ite

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    This is view about my MILs death. But if inwas in ur situation i mean if my friends MIL is dead ofcourse i would be happy for my friend just like you thinking that atleast from nowonwards my frined would not be tortured by that evil woman:cheer:
     

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