What I copied/pasted below is my post from 2 years back - May 8th, 2017. Nothing has changed, if anything it has gotten worse. It is slowly fading away. The extreme loneliness, isolation, lack of communication is sending me on a spiral downward. I can now actually feel myself declining physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am even developing all kinds of illnesses which I never had but now more frequently. Most recent visit with in-laws and fall out with them did not help. My own family has disowned me to a point of no contact after my first divorce. So without sounding over-dramatic here - this is pretty much as alone as it gets when you have no biological family and no marital family. I am staying focused and strong by continuing to work, follow my hobbies, sustain connections with friends, but I find myself getting tired. Without sounding overly insecure or paranoid, considering it has been this way with no change for the better for over a decade, I am beginning to suspect this may be their way of asking me to leave from their lives. If someone wants you to stay, this is not how it would be. You would put in some effort to retain that person. I have been more than necessary articulate to my husband but he absolutely refuses to budge and continues to be the same person to date - demonstrates no will or initiative to change. I won't be surprised if my MIL has even short-listed a few women to get him remarried for a child. From an extremely orthodox family perspective, I am only a social burden and garbage for I am not the DIL they wanted, I am not their caste, their community, I was already married once, and the last straw is I did not give them grandchildren. They have no use for me. Now I think even financially I may not benefit much for my husband is an extremely weak character person and he will give everything to his parents. Now I am in two minds - stay and just go with the flow, whatever happens will happen - just leave it to God or fate or destiny. With or without divorce, just pack and leave and start my life afresh somewhere be it in US or India, because as I get older all these failures and let downs and disappointments will become even more harder to cope with. Already, being the 2nd time for me, it is not at all easy. It makes one very drained and tired unable to do anything else with their life and two marriages have taken their toll on me. But being part of an environment that is a constant reminder of not feeling or being wanted and no one to watch out for me or my future leads to a lot of negative feelings and thoughts such as loss of self-worth, self-confidence, lack of direction, purpose, motivation to do anything with my life. Maybe if I leave, I will gain at least some of this back. This status quo just does not seem healthy or sustainable into the future. I am thinking of finding a place for myself to stay separate for a few months and come home over the weekends. Maybe it will help both of us. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There will always be someone more experienced with a different take on things. So I am risking putting my life out here for advice: This is my 2nd marriage. Pros: Financially well-settled Nuclear family but no kids Live abroad No direct demands regarding food, money, in-laws duty Intimate life no issues No bad habits No physical abuse No anger, temper issues Cons: 100% emotional After having pursued me for over a year despite my strong disinterest and going against his entire family to marry me, I don't think I have ever truly felt the respect position and status of a wife and life-partner Everything he is has been 100% divided between two things (1) his family (2) his career It has been many years now and I have exhausted all options of fighting for his resources towards the woman he chased and fought to marry. I have accepted, however difficult, that I cannot force someone to like me or talk to me or spend time with me. I can conduct myself in a manner that one would want to but beyond that it has to be from the other side. I feel like a "keep" in this relationship for whatever we have is behind closed doors in a foreign land. I am "invisible" when his family his around as if he is guilty and ashamed of me and I am a liability. Everyone's life has a few major events in their time such as graduations, marriage, death, divorce, birth, property, health etc. He was not around to stand by me even as a friend or room-mate in some of these major events in my life which has not only been a huge let down but also a breach of trust (betrayal) that will this man be for me in old age? No "real" "meaningful" gifts, zero travel, late hours at work. Work on weekends. Zero conversation. There are more words in the 30-40 minutes he talks to his parents in an India call once a week than what he talks to me in a month. It is like silent solitary confinement. Zero social life. It is a life of existence and isolation. After many years of adjustment I felt it is slowly draining me psychologically and this is not a healthy environment to be in. Finally, my soul snapped. I have set him free if he wants to divorce, remarry and have kids. I have been through one divorce already so no energy to do it again. There is a high probability he will not do anything and continue this status quo till the end. We are both old enough to advise our kids on their date-lives so running to elders for advice or involving them is way beyond our age and maturity (both in our mid 40s). Remarrying and kids for me is no longer an option. It will be my 3rd marriage plus too old to have kids. I have no interest in either. So - where to go and what to do from here on? Do I just live one day at a time in this big luxurious bungalow doing what I do alone till death consumes me? Dragging myself to a no-motivation job and talking to one or two friends I have. I do work but it seems pointless now. I have money and if there is really going to be a divorce, I would ask for assets to be split. Should I just resign and at least travel and do the things I want to do and enjoy the last few years of my life? The age and stage of paranoia surrounding divorce and being financially independent is over. I consider myself the other side of life where it is about down-sizing and living a spiritual life.