Confusions when kids are involved in R2I

Discussion in 'Return to India' started by Shanvy, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,655
    Likes Received:
    27,183
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear friends,

    Had been to my kids school to pay the fees and join them on the first day of school two days back.

    I met this lady X, who has come back from US,has got admission for her daughter in 6th. and she was so tensed, and started talking to me, when she knew i have a 7th and 10th studying kids.

    I really felt bad for the lady. she was not prepared for the returning but had to come back for personal reasons (i did not ask more..) only advantage was having her in-laws settled near the school.

    she was tensed for the following reasons,coming from us.

    the second language problem, she opted for french, which my kids' school teaches from basics from 6th standard. when i told her that she was relieved.

    but what if the child was to get admission in the 2nd or 4th standard, apart from the international school, and schools that follow IB (and are expensive) do not have the option of choosing any other language apart from hindi/state language. in that case, i would suggest, that you better teach your kids the basic alphabets and some lessons. these days you have so much online resources apart from the wonderful interactive CD's available.

    the peer pressure and the competition: The peer pressure in the kids in india is the same as that of the other countries, except the competition that is found here adds a new dimension to the pressure. if the parents are understanding accommodating and do not want their kids to become achievers the moment they return, things will fall into place.

    The environment : with pollutions, current cuts, and water shortages and lack of cleanliness are the first things that the kids are going to complain. as parents it is our duty to explain what to expect, even before coming back. when the kids learn to understand what to expect, then all these go into the back burner.

    Even though we may/maynot r2i, it is always better to talk about india. and during the vacation, take them out to places that speak of what real india is, at least for a day /two.

    i have a friend who feels that talking about the country, almost makes her kids hysterical, i wonder if it is because of her attitude..

    well these are my thoughts..well what do you think.
     
    sindmani and dasikajl like this.
    Loading...

  2. AbhiSing

    AbhiSing Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,754
    Likes Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Shan

    Timely thread...should I say!

    Well, the second language factor has been bugging me a lot too, eventhough A's school herwe has mother tongue Tamil, he knows the alphabets and reads to some extent, I wont say that he can compete with Primary 3 kids in India in learning Tamil. So I am thinking of other language options, say french since i dont want to pressurize him into byhearting some verses in Tamil for the sake of exams. He is a bit releived now that I have assured him that we will definitely look into other language options.
    And as you suggested, I will look into teaching him basic Hindi myself.

    The peer pressure part: will have to keep in mind and give him some years to get used to the way of thinking here inIndia.

    Environment: I strongly suggest that parents who want to R2I will have to let the kids explorethe life in India atleast once a year. Mine knows how the rural life in India is since from the past 2 years, we have been letting him loose for 3 weeks every 6 months in the village. Except he begs us for a clean toilet, the other factors seems to be OK and to certain extend, he understands that he has to live with it.

    I still remeber the day 4 years ago when we told Abhi that we will be returning to India, he rolled on the floor and cried uncontrollably for half an hour non stop. It took constant reassuring,trying to address his fears and anxiety.

    You may laugh at the main fears he had:
    1. Teachers beat the children at school in India(after seeing the silly serial Kana kanum kalangal in Vijay TV)
    2. What if the PE teacher scolds him since he knows only the Singapore national anthem and not the Indian Anthem
    3. Will he get new friends
    4. What if he get poor marks in India or worse fail in the subjects
    5. Will there be good schools with all the facilities like that in Singapore.
    etc,

    Still we are explaining and showing evidences to erase his fear. After 4 years now, he is almost comfortable in coming out of his anxiety.
    Well yet to see the final reaction after R2I. Wish us GoodLuck!
     
  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,655
    Likes Received:
    27,183
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    viji,
    First best of luck.

    I can relate to what Abhi thinks. inspite of being in chennai for a few years and studying in chennai and delhi schools for 2 years, DD had some problems when we returned back, but now they have smoothened out.

    but the peer pressure is for real, and we need to accomodate and be there to support them and encourage them to move forward beyond that.

    Though schools do not beat children, i am not honest because i have heard a few students saying that their teachers hit them..though most cbse schools have been told that the students can complain to the board if hit.

    I think tamil will not be so difficult. my bil's kids have r2ied from germany, where my co-sis taught them just the basic and they have caught on but the vomitting on the paper for marks may be true to a extent i think. but the kids have really adjusted to the second language. i feel abhi does have an edge, you need to just help him a little..maybe asking him to read out the newpaper headlines or next time get him chandamama, gokulam in tamil and see?? just an idea.

    knowing another language is always an advantage. you can definitely teach him hindi and french too.

    all said, if the kiddo likes and knows what to expect on R2I most of the confusions are put to rest.
     
  4. AbhiSing

    AbhiSing Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,754
    Likes Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Shan.

    And thanks again for the pointers.
    Chandamama/ambulimama /Gokulam...is it available as stacks like one year collections etc, If so please let me know where and how to get...in this trip, will try to get them and improve.

    Yes I feel that other languages will help him in this time and age.

    Peer pressure...I really dont know ...will have to wait and see how i goes but I will always be ready to step in if/when needed.
     
  5. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,345
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Interesting thread,Shanvy.
    I do not fall into this category. However, I am just wondering - the pressure from academics is definitely higher in India than any other country. Don't you think so?
    I see my friend's kids here who actually love school and the related activities. Here in US, kids get a lot of time for pursuing their hobbies.interests without having to fear of failing in exams.
    Unfortunately, I have not seen any such attitude in the kids in families surrounding me who are in India.
    I may be wrong on this observation,but I want to know your thoughts.

    Looking forward to thoughts on this:)
     
  6. AbhiSing

    AbhiSing Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,754
    Likes Received:
    221
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Neha

    just want to put forward my thoughts on this...Shan will come with hers soon I guess:).

    The academic rat race is much worse in Singapore probably because geographically it is very tiny and everybody want their kid (most have one and some have 2)to excel acedemically than their peers and move to other countries and settle in US or Australia.
    The schools do their part in pushing too much by segregating the academically best groups even in primary 3 and they have this gifted education scheme for further segregating the"elites" as they call this super academic kids and they have separate schools, curriculum. They have a national exam for this gifted education scheme too in Primary 4. So the mix of kids who are late bloomers, not that super academic feel that they are inferior to their peers who are in the best classes. Even the motivation is not given in school since totally the books/worksheets are different for the 2 groups. They brand the kids in such an young age that they belong to such group only. :rant
    So most parents are inadvertently inclined to push their kids to excel. They put them into all type of classes/tuitions starting from 6 months of age:drowning learning numbers, colours etc.Also push the teachers to give extra worksheets/homeworks to the kids. Probably also they are scared of the Foreign talents...(the native s'poreans call the non citizens as such.)taking away all the opportunities.
    Some parents like me who let the kid to take their own pace academically will probably be few or have another choice of moving back to home country soon, to be honest.May be I would have been one paranoid mother too if I were a citizen here and I need my kid to compete with the other "elite" kids since we have limited choice of "elite schools", and 1 university and obviously I wouldnt let my kid to pursue his hobbies like painting or legos or lazing around in the parks.

    My 2 cents!
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2010
    sindmani and feelbetter like this.
  7. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,345
    Likes Received:
    29
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks abhising for your reply. Gives me a good idea of things now.
    I do not know if it is the same in the US. Having said that, what my friends here in US with school going kids tell me is it is less competitive compared to schools in India. Ofcourse,the flip side may be that the knowledge level of these kifs 'may' be lower too. however, if the kids plan to stay on here for like forever then it is not a cause of concern as the graduage and undergraduate courses in US are pretty comparative an one of the best in the world. so, this kind of compensates. Major problem will be for those kids who are pulled out of schooling and taken back to india. I think these may be the ones who would need time to adjust to the system there
     
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,204
    Likes Received:
    10,048
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Neha/Abhi/Shanthi,
    I pulled my LO out of a US school to move back. Personal experience has been great! My LO had absolutely no issues adjusting to school/language whatsoever. I guess age of the child is really the most decisive factor. Looking at mine and my friend's kids I feel kids are the fastest to adjust after R2I. They were all in primary grades. The kids picked up languages quickly. Mine speaks Kannada fluently and we neither speak it at home nor does she have it as a subject in school.
    Schooling wise, Neha, schools in India are definitely not the ones we attended. I sometimes feel, she did much more in the US. She used to bring back daily home work there and here it is just once a week. I guess the kind of school also plays an important role. People who are returning with school goers have to look for schools that have a good balance of co-curricular and extra-curricular activities. There are a lot of non-international schools here that do a great job with the kids!

    Regarding pollution/cleanliness etc, my LO never complained.
    In fact, she loves the community and the kind of facilities we have. Every apt here has a play park, pool and what not. Kids have a blast! We didn't have all this in our walking range back there, so she is taking advantage of everything.

    Laks
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,655
    Likes Received:
    27,183
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Neha, lot of people around me are changing. they want schools that don't tax their kids and they are no way NRI or RI. the kids go to summer camps to enjoy the holidays. believe me they are not cheap. a simple 10 day camp with simple activities costs you around 3000.

    Yes, the competition is high. let us face it neha, do you mean to say there is no competition in the kids in the us. just look at the competitions and vigourous practices some of these kids undergo in the name of pressure from the invisible yardsticks. (invisible yardstick is the term i use for the pressure, a parent staying away from support system undergoes, the pressure that their kids are good, well behaved intelligent in the eyes of the relatives..), I have seen many parents going through it, and it is real there is no way we can deny it.

    I as parent do not force my kids to perform. i want them to enjoy their childhood after all it is a phase that passes away fast. my daughter is in the
    10th and i don't pressurize her.

    But the root cause for all the pressure,competitions is the survival in the rat race. x made it to a manager position, the x would want his kid to reach the CEO position. i am sure it is more of our determination to reach that elusive state of success, not realising, that we move our goals a little further when we are almost reaching the already existing goals. and this is not just in india, it is everywhere..

    maybe i could have digressed, but just wanted to share my views.
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,655
    Likes Received:
    27,183
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Laks,

    I completely agree with you, that kids are the most resilient. though the age of the child is a deciding factor, it also depends on how far the parents are comfortable with the returning with the kids.

    kids absorb a lot from the parents. a lot of mental, emotional preparation goes a long way. discussing with the kids is the key, allowing them to talk what they think.

    You are so right about schooling not being what it was when we were kids. Though there is pressure at higher classes, kids never had it easy, though many would not agree to my point.
     

Share This Page