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Confused !!

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by dream.girl, Nov 4, 2011.

  1. kAlyaniShAnti

    kAlyaniShAnti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Dreamz,
    Hugs to you! [​IMG]

    Your confusion and worries are absolutely natural for any (wo)man in this situation. And in the other thread, you yourself have suggested how to handle stress and worries!

    Great that you have almost decided the end, that is you are going to marry after the divorce. Having decided the destination, please do not plan your journey now itself (as to how, when, whom etc.). It is too early to do that, because
    1. You have not yet got the divorce and this process can be quite lengthy and uncertain in terms of how long it is going to take (even if it is a mutual div case).
    2. You are not yet ready, as you are in the phase where you can not trust guys and stuff.
    3. You have yet to figure out who the person going to be!

    My suggestion would be not to marry before you finish your studies. Because
    1. You are having 3 more years to complete. Which means not only that you are quite young and also that you have a lot to study. If I am correct you have to study a lot in medical to earn a good score.
    2. Many girls in your medical class may not be married. So probably you have companions to spend time with and are not an odd man out.
    3. Getting settled in life (on your own feet) is more important at this age, than to get into another transient of getting along with the new person, etc. This might affect your studies.

    Concentrate on your studies. Enjoy the freedom you are going to earn after a bad marriage and get ready for a new venture. There is nothing to hurry, Dear!

    And lastly, please do not search for 'a guy' desperately, at least now. The right person will come to your life at the right moment. Even if it happens 'now', that is great! But you do not have to be impatient and try hard for that.

    God bless you for a wonderful future
    1 person likes this.
  2. sripree

    sripree Gold IL'ite

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    I got divorced in 2008 December after a lengthy 2 year process. I was 23 at the time. It was an incredible and difficult journey from then to now. My divorce has been such a great learning experience - one of self-realisation and growth. But it doesn't come easy. I have changed upside-down as a person - for the better, I'd like to think.

    At that age, it was an extremely tough situation to be faced with. But, I have metamorphosed into a stronger person, and a more ambitious person. The urge to show the world that I am no less because I am divorced made me achieve amazing things in my career. I have made far more money and achieved so much more than women my age. My divorce was my biggest motivation in my life.

    Of course, I was also faced with the exact feelings you have described. But try and take it one step at a time. Don't think too far ahead. Just go with the flow. Don't be too hard on yourself. Keep meeting new men, but cut yourself some slack. You never know when cupid strikes.

    I am getting married again in June. I already am in a live-in relationship with my partner. We've known each other all our lives, but it never struck me that he could be the one. He even attended my first marriage! Love strikes in the most unlikely of places. It will often surprise you.

    When you get married the second time, you need to be 100% sure this is what you want. You need someone who loves you for you, will handle your ups and downs, treat you right, respect your needs, wants, choices and freedom and is fun to be with. But these things take time for find out. You need to spend a lot of time to get to know each other. Relationships take time to settle down - it takes time for people to etch their own relationship dynamics.

    Take it slow and take it easy. You will definitely meet someone lovely. Don't push it. I know how frustrating it can be. But, trust me, it will happen. When you least expect it :) Good luck with your divorce. Enjoy your freedom and be strong through the process :)
    7 people like this.

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