Confused With Married Life And Scared Of Future.

You will face a lot of judgement like what you see here. Ignore them. Do what is acceptable to you. No need to justify anything.

You are free as an adult woman in an independent country to think of another man, want and miss a good marriage and leave your marriage to marry someone else. You are free to do whatever you please regardless of how others view it. You are in no way obligated to respond or consider the opinions of nameless faceless characters on this forum.

Dont let you husband, friends, relatives and least of all anonymous strangers bully you. Ignoring them is the best approach.

Move forward with your life with an intent of making a decision soon on your marriage.

 

It seems you are single with a marital tag on you, And he feels he got license to abuse you. Try to get out of it first and then once you are in peace, you can think about rest.

 

If this guy is helping you to be independent even knowing he may not have chance with you ,he is really great guy.You should try to give him back in some other and acceptable form.Eg helping him to find another marriageable divorcee(incase you dont want to marry him),give him moral support and ear to listen his worries.

On other hand you need to be brutally honest with yourself if you find this guy attractive from marriage point of view.Do you find this guy attractive physically,emotionally?If not then make it clear to him that you want limit this relationship up to friendship only.Pinning hope for too long(in this case for 14y ears) is crime.

On other side if you like this guy ,then give him a chance.Proceed with divorce.Talk to your children about divorce and remarriage.Make them mentally prepared for it.Look for ways to spend time with this guy and his family( you mentioned he has daughter ).You both can go on vacation together to see if you both feel anything romantic for each other and how much kids can gel with each other.See if your kids actually enjoy spending time with this guy and his daughter.You kids should not have pressure to accept him as father ,accepting just family member ,some sort of uncle come friend would work too.

OP I understand you are scare to divorce and remarriage.Both involve high risk.But you need to take chances before they vanish.

 

Op...you are not in a real marriage.
This arrangement of you living in India and he visiting is not real marriage.
Why is he not taking you both with him?
If you are serious about separation...tell him about it .
Meet a lawyer and tell him about the maintenance and child support he will have to give+your streedhan.
If he talks nonsense about giving him money...tell him to stop being so stupid.

 

As for marrying the other guy....take your time. Mingle with his family.

It is easier when it is 'my kid and our kid' situation because you are the mother of both kids and the issues are easier.

But 'my kid ,your kids and possibly our kid ' situation needs very mature handling from both parents. Are you mature enough to be the parent to his child?Is he mature enough to be the parent of your kid ?Are you both mature enough to rise above the parenting issues that are going to arise?