confused sad,depressed

Hey, its easy to fall into the cycle of self pity and loathing, but don't fall into that trap. When you feel helpless, remember your past achievements, and visualize how good it will feel to accomplish your goals. So chin up, and get back to studying. The finances etc come later, don't give up even before you begin is all I can say from experience.

Focus on what would be the best way to accomplish your goals, and get your act together to seriously pursue it.

I'd also say, at this point, don't let yourself and your spouse fall into the negativity and blame-game about all the obvious things. Seriously, it will only bust your morale if anything. Instead of agonizing about the what if's, get working on what you can do to circumvent them - i.e. prepare for the exams, find out what you can about admissions/funding to Universities and how you can add value to your resume.

There is an Education and Personal Growth forum on IL where a lot of people planning to give their GRE/GMAT etc post queries and check up on each other's progress. You might want to check it out for some inspiration and support.

CanWait, I'm surprised reading this comment. Whatever makes you think its appropriate to judge people's marriages or suggest that they are missing the "big picture" because they are worried about some aspect of their identity in the marriage?

Marriage is a part of our lives, but its equally important to care about what we're doing professionally, and be worried if we are not being the best that we can - in and outside the relationship without having someone admonish us about the priorities (basics?) not being right.

 

Have you considered taking some one year trade course? I mention this as in this economy those jobs are available and some of them have flexible schedules. If you had this training, you would have a way to make money while you go to grad school. I think its always good to have some fall back training.

About working on campus: you will have to convert your visa to a student visa. There are two classes of those for students: one you can work with, one you cannot. Better be clear about that when you get the visa.

 

Whatever makes you think its appropriate to judge people's marriages or suggest that they are missing the "big picture" because they are worried about some aspect of their identity in the marriage?

I am not judging, it was just a question. The tone of the post was so that the OP is being blamed that she's not making any efforts. With just one post it is very difficult to judge anything unless the OP writes more about the situation and what exactly is happening.

IMO, a marriage cannot or must not cause any tension because of VISA status, or the scores in some competitive exam or the lady securing a job. One has to bear in mind the last 2 years has been a blood bath in the market. Even the best could not find a job and that's the fact. The job market has just improved and it is again a known fact that H1's through consulting companies are facing a hard time.

These are situations that are not within the control of a person and this external situation must not cause tension in ones life. It can cause a tension only when a person's sole motive is to work on a certain VISA status in the US.

OP alternatively I'd recommend something. Never concentrate on the geography. Today jobs are available all over the world and US being the melting pot for business, try searching for job which will allow you to work from home for some other country. Or try applying jobs in the Indian service companies and work from home in the US. This is feasible. Perhaps you may not get the industry standard pay, but you will have a break through!

 

I am not sure whether its OK to give the contact info in this forums.. but mods may decide on that..

 

No worries. When you get a job or when you get to do something really worthwhile you will get the confidence back. I just shared my 2 cents above. Maybe that is of some use to you. From time-to-time I get requests for online training for BAs. Like conducting workshops for BAs. Check whether you can do something. If you are in NJ, I guess there are more shops in NJ than in any other part of the world and it is just a matter of time until you strike gold.

Most of these Desi consultants would want trainers. I am contacted only by these Desi consultants for BA training. Talk to them and say you can train people on skills that are known to you. I presume you are in the IT industry. When you have something to do, you will have a break through.

You can try Technical Writing, Web Designing kind of jobs that would be available for telecommunting and the geography doesn't matter. Have you advertised yourself in Craiglist? Do that too, you may be contacted by someone. If you are willing, why don't you share your skill sets on this forum. It would be easier for us to understand your experience and how soon / easily you can procure a job.

 

There are two separate conflicts here: the one with your husband and the one within your mind. I am addressing the latter.
What you are feeling is completely natural. Such feelings are not unique to you - but just because a "thought bubble" arises in your mind saying "I am helpless" does not mean you have to believe it - simply watch that thought arise, tell yourself "hey, there's that helplessness bubble again!" and let it disappear. It's simply a ticker-tape playing in your head. You don't have to identify with it. Watch it arise, recognize it, let it go.
I am not making this up. There is a lot of research on this feeling of "Learned Helplessness". Here is the wikipedia link: Learned helplessness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. I can tell you more if you want, but the main idea is: "When we fail to achieve desired goals, our perception of our ability suffers." While this feeling is natural, you can change your attributional style to overcome this. Read about the experiments, you will understand better. Follow the references in the link.

Also understand that your mind and your body influence each other. Make sure you get plenty of exercise, good sleep and proper nutrition, while working on your mind. We have become systematically conscious about medical check ups, dental-care, brushing teeth and flossing and so on. That's good, we need to make an effort to be similarly systematic about cultivating the response of our mind to life-situations.
Good Luck!

 

C

Every marraige is different. Some have problems with finances, some with inlaws, some with the husband himself, intimate matters what not...so why not about intellectual levels? might be her husband wants a wife who is independant, who works, who is not a home maker...or might be he needs his wife to share hte family responsibility and he is feeling overburdened as now after marraige he has to take care of his wife and the add on expenses too..there might be N no. of reasons...might be his male EGO is not letting him accept that he wants the financial support , so he is degrading her by insults. might be he doesnt know how to give her that support:bonk so many..might be's:crazy


Sweet Angel

You be sweet and work on what you want. If someone tells you, you cant, you shouldnt just give up. Sometimes you have to take it as a challenge and raise to the need to prove them wrong. Yes job market is tough, but still there are some jobs out there. If you have decided studying is the best option, then dont take a step back. Better thing to do is search for online study groups (you have those in our IL forum also), go to library everyday for certain time as if you are going to some school and study there. when you come back home relax and concentrate on rest of the things. Do not give up. Everytime someone says you cant do it, you should hear it as I CAN DO IT:cheers

 

Since I live in NY I don't know the educational system in NJ but I think this would be comparable to our BOCES:

Morris County School of Technology