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Confused regarding DH's stand. Pls help...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rdheiva, Mar 16, 2015.

  1. rdheiva

    rdheiva Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Friends and Seniors,

    Here i give you my confusion, please help me find a solution for this.

    Me and my DH and DS live alone a bit near to my mom's and away from in-laws as my husband is deeply hurt by his mom. I am a working mom. He used to help me by vacuuming the house twice weekly and putting washing and keeping them in shelves. but for doing these, he used to pest me like once in a fortnight that he is doing al work. kitchen work, school work, groceries, vegs and fruits, dropping and picking my son from dance class, going to pediatrician, going to hospital for myself, everything I do myself alone.. my god, unluckily i have a twowheeler.

    It was manageable till 4 months ago, when i faced some difficulties in my job and i found it really stressful and thats when the problems rooted. my husband started saying to quit the job and pressing me to do housework. I can earn 30 bucks from home itself (actually a bit more than him, he earns less but multiplies well), dont know how he says, he started to ask me to quit job. I said no, as i had previously had a bad experience by quitting the job when i was newlymarried and then i decided not to quit job for stupid sake

    i accept that i should keep the house clean... i myself manage it about 75%, even with busy schedule, i will clean toilet once in fortnight, clean fridge once in a month, omg.. see i am managing 75%, he can manage that 25% na. that itself he is doing but he keeps on telling about that always..

    i say, dont do any work, but that also he is not listening

    he keeps on rounding behind me wherever i finish my work and keeps on redoing things like wiping the stovetop, checking with bathroom.. i hate this... due to my work schedule and as i want to sleep, i may miss out a few things that makes no harm to anybody... but he is not accepting that.

    Thus for the choring.

    coming the emotional part.

    he says that he loves me a lot. wait... that he never says all times, but only when a fight arise or if he is drunk.. :bang.. he cares me.. yeah when i sleep in morning during night shifts, he never disturbs me yeah right... i need something more... but he never spks to me an extra word other than the daily usual things.. like food, paying bills thru online (as he does not know abt computer/internet), how much salary i would get (so that he can plan for next month). i need something more. that he never does.

    he keeps on yelling at small small things nowadays. see yesterday on sunday i was a bit loose in preparing brkfast, he knows thats the only day off, but still he shouted at me. and today i somehow missed one fruit that ws rotten in the shelf with drosophila around. for that he started yelling. morning i asked him to put shoes and drop him at gate for that he shouted. really dont know what to do. how to manage.

    pls help me frds...

    if u want more detailing, i will give you.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Since you are both working, I would start by hiring a maid immediately.
    As for the rest, if he wants to redo the housework after you have cleaned, let him do it. And if he makes a fuss over Sunday breakfast, put your spoon down in the middle of whatever you are doing, ask him to get his own food and take yourself off in your vehicle to have a nice meal outside.
     
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  3. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Don't react to him at all. Don't tell him not to help with household chores. It will become unmanageable for you, to do every thing yourself, as you are a working mom. Let him do some chores. Let him redo the work you have already done. Take no notice of it. He will grow tired of it soon, and stop. Don't get pressurized into leaving your job.
     
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  4. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    How about asking him to manage without your salary for 3/6 months as a trial?

    When the importance of your pay check is communicated he may see things differently.And you could insist him to be more practical.

    Dont offer to do work from home.Tell him he cant have the cake and eat it too.Hire extra help to clean toilets or give extra bucks to your regular maid to do it once a week.Cleaning the toilets twice in a week takes fraction of the time than doing it once in a fortnight(no need for acids and the heavy stuff) .If he still insists on you to take up all house work ,insist him to do all outside work.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Op...get a maid to do basic work.

    If your husband re cleans after you clean...then don't clean well.

    Get some nice smelling cleaning product.....nice dusters and leave them around.Once he is done cleaning....give him a bright smile and kiss and tell him"no one can do it like you do."

    Learn to ignore his nagging.

    I like pears idea of telling him to manage without your salary for a few months.......before you can decide. (don't ever give up your job if you like it).
     
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  6. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    Maid . Prob solved.
     
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