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Confused!! Please help.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SuccessMinded, Jun 18, 2010.

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  1. SuccessMinded

    SuccessMinded Gold IL'ite

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    Not sure why I am feeling like this. I am happily married to a man who loves me a lot. And whom I also love a lot. He has been everything I need. He has been a great friend, a great supporter and a guide to me.
    I respect and love my husband.
    Although I am feeling strange due to some events lately.
    There is this guy, lets call him Aryan. He is a single guy, extremely good looking and handsome.
    Ever since he came into my life, some things have changed and I don't know why. I am very confused.

    I noticed this guy casually glancing at me from time to time. And I don't know why I was enjoying all that attention.
    I used to look for him whenever we met at associations or gatherings. And my eyes used to stop at him staring back at me.
    And when he is looking at me, my innocent DH would come by and hold my hand or offer me a cup of water and show his affection. And I would feel so insecure. I did not want Aryan to see my husband loving me. What if he gave up staring at me.
    Then I noticed myself glancing at him to se if he stares at other girls also similarly. However, I never saw that. I felt his eyes were on me only. This made me feel even more strange.

    And then my husband and I went to India for 2 weeks, I came back and found out I am pregnant! After trying for almost an year, this came as a blessing!
    But I still found myself longing for the next time I would see Aryan.

    I told my husband that Aryan keeps staring at me (didn't tell him I also stare back) and he became conscious and he started keeping an eye on Aryan.

    Just yesterday, in our association, Aryan was sitting in the row ahead of me, but could not see me. My husband was sitting to the left of me.
    Aryan changed his chair facing me whereas all other chairs were facing the speaker.My husband noticed this immediately. He made sure he kept his face between Aryan and me so we don't see each other. I felt this very irritating and just wanted to see if Aryan is looking at me or not. Then I got up to go to the restroom and while I was walking out, I glanced back and Aryan also got up and immediately started walking towards the door.
    I felt a little scared and guilty.
    I immediately started walking fast to the restroom and did not turn back or pause for a second. I went inside the restroom and felt good.
    Then when I was walking back to the association, my husband was standing at the door. He had left the presentation half way to come out and see what was going on. And I felt happy and heaved a sigh of relief that I had not stopped to speak to Aryan. Else my DH would have all wrong thoughts and would have found out about my thoughts.
    Then I gave a big lecture to my DH on our way back home. That if you trust me, you should not have come out side or tried to block Aryan's view of me. I told him that you don't trust me.
    My DH suspected something but did not say anything.
    He asked me today why I reacted like that. He said I should have felt blessed that I have a protective husband who cares. I told him I appreciate that but I like this Aryan guy too. He felt a little bad, but was happy I was honest.
    I explained to him how I feel and I am not sure why I feel that way.
    I sometimes feel once my bump starts showing, Aryan will no longer be interested in me.
    I am so confused friends. Please help me out.
     
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  2. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    What kind of issue is this, you tell your husband, he becomes protective, now you blame him for suspecting and not trusting?

    So you call all the shots. You said to your DH you like Aryan? And you also claim your DH is very loving and nice to you

    Why dont you really appreciate what you got and not screw up whatever happiness you have as God gift?

    Your post or story is very confusing, you love, respect your husband, then you also do all that and blame him

     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2010
  3. SuccessMinded

    SuccessMinded Gold IL'ite

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    thanks Tridev!
    I agree with you. I should thank God for all that he has given me and not mess up my life. I already spoke to my DH and we think its lack of intimacy since pregnancy news. We will take the necessary steps to ensure we are both satisfied and that this doesnt happen again.
    thanks for your input anyway!
     
  4. SuccessMinded

    SuccessMinded Gold IL'ite

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    now that my issue is resolved. Is there a way to remove this thread?
     
  5. shrikala

    shrikala Senior IL'ite

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    good to know you resolved it...
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2010
  6. APassionateOne

    APassionateOne New IL'ite

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    Oh dear Success...

    I am glad you solved your problem. Well..below was what I was typing away to tell you. But you don't need all that lecturing. You know what you are doing. Good Luck.


    Dear Suc..

    Your problem is 'solved' and you want the thread to be removed (between 1.55PM and 2.45PM)!! That's excellent. But I hope you can handle this problem by yourself (without anyone else's opinion) when it happens next time. Believe me..if not this 'Aryan' guy..there will be many more in future, who would glance at you.

    Just because you were not intimate with your husband (even after trying get pregnant for last one year and getting pregnant!), you should not ignore your husband, blame him for being suspicious (your word for his protective nature). I wondered where the bonding of all the married years between your husband and you went?

    Here everyone comes saying that the spouse is not even recognizing their existence. Well..some also come saying that their spouses are over nosy, over controlling and over protective. So as long as your husband doesn't fall in both the above mentioned catogories, I think it is you, who need to be corrected.

    Don't feel bad that everyone is blaming you and advising you to change. We don't know you and we have no idea what kind of person you are. But from what you put here, it feels outrightly wrong that a wife is looking for attention else where for reasons unexplicable!

    You think, when your bump grows Aryan won't look at you anymore. Did you ever think, what will happen after the bump goes away and the kid comes out and you start looking as usual? Just because you are mom, don't think people will stop throwing advances at you. As long as you invite and encourage their glances, some men will have no problem playing with you.

    And don't hurt your husband and make him suspicious telling him all the hurtful things like 'you like someone else's attention' etc. Because when the baby comes, guess who will be your one and only helper - Your Husband! That Aryan or anyone else won't even look in your direction. If your husband is hurt and irritated, it will be very difficult for you to deal him with your little kid.

    I hope you talk to your husband, explain him that all this was nothing and give him back the love he is showering you with.

    Trust is the main thing in a relationship. If that is broken once, it can never be mended.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2010
  7. soumya234

    soumya234 Platinum IL'ite

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    :spin:spin:spin:spin:spin:spin
    Some strange posts since last few days. Husband is frank in disclosing his affair with another married woman and so wife is ok.

    Here husband is ok with wife disclosing that she has a kind of crush on a bachelor.Oh my!!!:drowning:drowningSeriously I feel like slapping flirting husbands/wives.There are some married ladies who unnecessarily try to initiate a talk or keep looking at other men(married/unmarried doesn't matter) even when her husband is around. So sick.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2010
  8. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Yeah...too many strange things happening around.

    I feel tis happens with everyone(married or unmarried).

    It depends on the individual, how he/she takes it.

    When everything is fine, who do people look for something extra and screw up their smooth lives is unexplicable to me!
     
  9. SuccessMinded

    SuccessMinded Gold IL'ite

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    Hi ladies,

    thanks for not leaving any chance to put me down. I was confused and that is the reason i wanted to post it here as well as express what was in my heart, so that I feel better.

    but never expected such remarks as I am trying to find for a problem in my happy life.
    For your info, Miss Aruna,
    My husband and I have been married for quite some time now and am happy to say we are very happy together. This issue happened in my life today and can happen in yours tomorrow. This does not give anyone a right to put anyone else down. If you can give a suggestion to help out great, if not don't speak... at least don't hurt.

    Miss Soumya, again thanks for putting me down. Although I didn't feel let down since I did not give you permission to do so.
    If you do not have anything helpful to add, stay away. Please don't do this to others.
    You can feel like slapping me and I have a right to feel the same about you.
    You have no right to judge what I should be doing and what is right or not.

    You have written, "There are some married ladies who try to initiate conversations and talking to other men even with DH around". I am sure you are talking about yourself.
    I had explained my feelings very clearly in the post saying this was not intentional. Has never happened to me before and I am sure won't happen again.
    Always put yourself in others shoes and try to give helpful suggestion. Else stay away, don't respond. No one here needs negative inputs. Definitely not the ones having an issue.

    And A passionate One, thanks for being helpful and nice. One of the few people offering suggestions and meaning discussions. Instead of putting me down. I can see how you have tried to understand my situation and tried to help me out. People like you make this IL meaningful.
    I agree I need to be changed and am already making positive changes in myself. Thanks again!:bowdown
    I have already discussed with DH and am showering love on him and letting him know that he is the BEST!

    I can't understand why people like Aruna or Soumya are allowed to post here. Just spoiling people's day and lives giving no serious thought to their confusion or problem. Quick to judge. They would need to be corrected first, before asking others to correct themselves.

    Just for your info, the discussion i just had with my DH on IM, since we work in the same place...
    Me: I like u a lot and am blessed to have a husband like u, a supportive and protective DH
    He: I love you tremendously, you have no idea. Hence I am so protective and possessive about you. I need you and I love you.
    Me: I will mend my thoughts and change myself
    He: paavam (innocent) jaan, u r such a good hearted person, blessed to have you!

    When our issue is solved, what is the problem for Soumya and Aruna. Go and get a life!

    I regret having posted my issue here and will make sure I don't do that henceforth. Thanks for being so unhelpful Aruna and Soumya!
     
  10. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Cut the crap SuccessMinded. (crap here refers to you commenting abt why other posters are allowed to post). I didnt want to post in this thread, but you are launching at others, and then I have to tell you to cut the crap.

    This is your post advicing someone else that trust is essential in marriage, and what are you doing by repeatedly (not once or twice) longing for Aryan's glances. Arent you shaking the trust.

    Learn basic ethics and character first.

    This is your post. Read it.
    http://www.indusladies.com/<wbr>forums/me-and-my-spouse/65218-<wbr>issues-with-trust-in-marriage-<wbr>2.html#post779252


    Even after the 2 weeks in India, and you are pregnant, you continued the nonsense. And you are saying the bump will help Aryan to lose interest. What about you? and what abt later?

    Luckily you have an understanding DH. And - just becos after pregnant your intimacy was lacking, that gives you the wherewithal to form these "glancing" bonds?

    Please, as I said I was holding back from posting, but you also understand that you will get a mouthful from posters here if you post your issues here - there will be analysis on both sides, and you better suck it up.

    YOU
    did a bordeline despicable thing, and you have the temerity to ask others to shut up. Bravo!
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2010
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