Confused over the relationship

Ask him to add your name in the house for which you are paying the EMI. Tell him to share the payments

Then you can add his name in this land if you want.

Another Solution: tell him to repay all the money you have paid for that house, take care of the rest of the payments. So that will be in his name, this one will be in your name.

If he does not tell you what he does with his money, you dont have to either.

 

You are not a part of "their account"so he has no business being part of your finance.Agree with soulful. At least add your name to the house you are paying for. Keep your finances separate and invest separately till he is ready to share his life(in every sense)completely with you.You keep good relations with your side of the family.Let him know if he is not ready to make you part of "their account" ...you have your family and you can keep "your account" with your family ...just like him.It is sad that men are willing to have women take financial responsibility of their life but won't give them respect.

As for not being part of the family decision like marriage or other stuff...just ignore.You can't really force yourself to be part of their family if they don't want. Specially if there is friction in the relationship,it is better to keep distance. You do what you are asked to do and then enjoy yourself.

 

Hi dancingduo,

Men ( Husbands or Boyfriends ) generally have a tendency of not sharing things with their partners ( wives or girlfriends ) primarily because they don't want to involve themselves in arguments and spoil the whole mood.
There's always a fear of things landing disgracefully in their wife's head resulting in her nonacceptance and later turning the whole discussion into fight. So, to avoid getting into these quibbles that spoil the complete mood and makes one feel like a "looser", is mainly why husband/boyfriends don't share things with their partners.

In your case, since you're independent, smart and intelligent and with what you've written above, it looks you too manage family's finances, there could have been some instances where you and your husband must have had involved in some bitter discussions over finances earlier, which has resulted in him avoid having discussions with you related to finance.

Also, Love is not the same always. Before marriage when you were love buddies, things were different, when you got married, there was this happiness of having each other beside you as your life-partner... but with time, love fades.
At this stage, he might be questioning himself of all the decisions taken and whether or not were they worth enough. Was that a really good decision to marry against his parent's wish and hurt their emotions or emotions of your parent's as well?

But, all this is just my hunch. I am not blaming you of anything, so please don't get me wrong. But there are times when these thoughts creep in and make one feel really uncomfortable. You guys have just got married ( one and a half year is a very less time ) and there are fights, discussions, debates, accusations, insecurity etc.

Come on, this is really alarming. If things like this continue then a day will come when you would start regretting your decision of marrying him. Before that time comes, it better to make things up.

All I can advise you here is, for a time being, just listen to him and trust him on whatever he's doing. Avoid asking any questions about finance or anything related to his family. Refrain yourself from discussing about your family matters with him, just for the time being.
I guess it was a tough time for you guys to convince your respective families for the marriage. Both of you must have experienced the bitter side of parental care. So, you guys need to relax. Just let things happen in the way they are happening.

Remember, he's your husband and he will take care of you since he loves you. So, just relax about it.



All that is written above is a wild guess of your situation. They reasons can be different. If you want to know the real reason, you need to clearly have a talk with your hubby on this and explain to him your problem.

 

That is pretty insulting ...What if wives stop sharing their life with husbands because of imaginary concerns.

The ostrich approach of digging the head in sand doesn't often work.By the time the head comes above ,it is often too late. The general rule is ...if you bend ...you will be expected to stay like that for ever.

 

Hi yellowmango

I know this is very insulting and as a woman you would definitely feel bad knowing about it. But, this is somewhere true. Please do not compare men and women. They are different entities altogether. They exhibit different nature. Women, naturally all across the globe are known for their tenderness, for their values, the way they keep their family ties together, their care and their love. Its in their nature. After a day long work when you come back home, you share everything with your husband. That comes out naturally. But, for men, things are little different. They do not have this tendency of spilling everything out all by themselves. You have to ask them and only then they would speak up. You feel the necessity of speaking things up, he don't. I am not generalizing this thing up, but that's the common seen fact.

Things get worsen up when husbands find their wives interfering too much with what they do. Even if the lady's intentions are clear, it would be taken up in that very wrong sense.

I don't say it's good, but, I accept its in the nature. It's not about bending. You are wives, not slaves. You have every right of questioning and standing in the way of anything's that going wrong. But, there are times when your husband expects you to trust him and his motives for something and just don't want you to point out on him.



In the above case, where OP's husband is not telling her about how much he had spend on his sister's marriage could be because of the fear that telling her the actual figures of how much he invested in his sister, MIGHT welcome an unwanted discussion and spoil things up.

See, this is all my conclusion of the whole situation and I might be wrong. With all due respect, I am really not blaming any woman for anything. I really appreciate all the efforts that you ladies put in that make world a beautiful place to live in.

 

^^^ I get what you are trying to say ...but a husband who expects his name on a flat she is paying for since before marriage and land his fil in giving his daughter should be more trusting of his wife.

 

Recently read an article... making the wife pay up the EMI for a property which is not in her name is equivalent of cheating...
OP,
Like soulful and yellowmango said... U don ahve to pay the EMI of a property which doesnt belong to u... let him keep his finance details as a secret.. u maintain the same.. not by protesting or fighting..but tactfully.. once his hands start itching due to alck of money .. ul get to know the details and u can putforth ur conditions at dat point n make things clear