confused married life

jingle123 · Apr 22, 2012

hi its been nearly 3 years of our marriage and also m having a baby girl of 9 months. our marriage was arranged (got proposal) cum love (we fell in love) cum arranged (our father fought 1 yr after our engagement and we both tried to make our marriage possible). but unfortunately right after the very next day of marriage my husband was not the one i loved. i was told to choose either him or my parents a if i choose to continue with my parents then its upto me but my husband wont talk to them n i shud not expect anything gud for my parents from his and his parents side. his parents fed hell of misunderstandings in his mind.....
so at every step in life my parents are abused by my hubby and his parents are praised...i m tired of listening this comparision....all tht is ok now i know i hav to liv with it.....

now after my baby is born my mother in law(she went to USA) and sis in law (she lives in US) got everything for her for 1 yr..clothes shoes cradle even wet wipes...and not evn asking me wht i wanted for my baby...my hubby was very hapy..i tried to b hapy coz my baby got stuffs frm USA but i cudnt.
i somhow digested it taking it as their lov n happiness. but again this year they are shopping evrystuff for my baby for the coming years even the first birthday dress.... this time i m very sad.... i cant share this with my hubby coz i know he will think that i m feeling jealous and i m not a gud person. i want to know that .is my sadness wrong?....i should not feel bad about it and let my mother in law and sis in law decide what my daughter shud wear and play with? and what shud i do...i m feeling left all alone..my husband too doesnt support my feelings and thoughts and thinks m selfish...he only listens to his mom and sister....

sadwife · Apr 22, 2012

I feel if you cannot tell them what they should actually buy for your girl, just ignore them. Don't dress up your girl with something you don't like and don't give her the toys that you think not suitable for her. But I assume your MIL stays with you. So it might be difficult not to use the items that she have bought all together. If you work try buying your daughter the things that you want to.

MKhan · Apr 22, 2012

awww dear..dont think like that...you are very lucky that your baby is taken care of..there are 100s of people whos in-laws dont even shop for their brother/son babies..hence you should be enjoying whatever they are bringing for your child..infact you are lucky in this context.

Regarding you, you should just tell your hubby casually that i like purse/shoes/ etc collectoin from US hence would be happy to carry some imported things with me ...and have a laugh etc...

And remember, the more patience you will do, the more reward you will get in the end...and you will see it by yourself...

MKhan

satchitananda · Apr 22, 2012

Hi Jingle,

I am not sure I understand your unhappiness. I would think it is very nice of your mil and sil to buy so many things for your daughter. I would think it means they love your child so much. So why are you unhappy? If there is something in particular you want for your kid, why don't you convey it directly to them or through your husband? I am sure they will get it for her. Even if they do not, I would just accept their gifts happily and whatever else I wanted for my kid, I would just buy here. These days there is a lot of variety and almost everything (even imported stuff) is available locally.

jingle123 · Apr 23, 2012

Thanks friends. Actually i had this confusion of accepting things they do or rejecting all the time. And this is because since my marriage till today for every small thing my husband has asked me to check with his mother and sister what to buy or do...even at home in day to day tasks she decides what to cook and what to eat when to eat...so i got irritated and now after having baby when they rule in everything she wears and does i m very angry.in last year winters she loaded my baby with so many clothes tht she stopped drinking milk and thn they ofered formula milk forcefully which she got frm US and my 4 month baby got diahorrea....they didnt listen to me...and my hubby always tells me to follow her...

jingle123 · Apr 23, 2012

thanks Mkhan..i will take ur advice...but jst the sad part is tht they dont evn care for my suggestions and will do things they want to....but yes i m gona b patient this time n see how it goes...

GMReddy · Apr 23, 2012

dear op,

be happy that your baby is taken care by your MIL, SIL so very well that they buy all the required stuff in advance...its really a happy situation...

your only problem i see is they are not buying what you like...for this you can yourself buy or ask your hubby buy what you want for your baby...this should not be much problem i suppose...

wish you all happies for you and your baby...

lifeisajourney · Apr 23, 2012

hey jingle

gifts are given by their choice and are not bought according to our instructions or suggestions, treat them as the gifts and you buy what ever you want for your kid. may be your H asking you to get a validation for each and every thing before the baby's arrival and they not reciprocating the same validation/ suggestions when it comes to your baby is making you confused and irritating.

it would be better if you stop having too many expectations regarding they considering your sugestions.even my SILS used to buy lot of stuff to my daughters, i just take them with a smile and if i like them i use them if not i just tell them whether the baby had outgrown or its too big for her to use right now. any ways maybe she is the first grand daughter thats why they are loading with so many gifts but in due course of time it lessens and you can buy what ever you want for your baby. just enjoy the attention your baby is getting.

cutemonster · Apr 23, 2012

hi ! its realy sweet of ur mil n sil to buy gifts for ur daughter. there are many sil's who wont buy a thing for their bro's kids !!!
i can see u have issue regarding the thing that u feel ur mil is being bossy and asks u to dress ur dd in ceratin way , but then mostly in laws are like this. if u take it positively u can see it as their love for their grandchild. but if u dont like anything u can politely tell her.
but my take would be , be nice to her and tell her that u value her gifts. in todays world when things are so costly its so nice of them to get stuff for ur baby.
cherish what u get as gifts and what u want to buy for the baby go and do it.

jingle123 · Apr 23, 2012

thanks everybody for ur suggestions..i m going to think positively and let things take their own course...i will do as i did earlier is to enjoy with my baby as much as i can.....

thanks...