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confused.. help me what to do

Discussion in 'Adoption' started by rahima, Dec 14, 2009.

  1. rahima

    rahima New IL'ite

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    i have shared some part of my life in the past to you ladies. now i have caught in another confussion i badly need some help to take right decision.i have two kids 6yrs and 4 yrs.my hubby wants to adopt a orphan child by next year2010. actually i am also happy with his decision but iam afraid being a middle class how to meet the expenses ? not only that how the relations and people around us will react?. because our life had many troubles we live a peaceful life with a good understanding for the past two years only.will this be possible ? he was clear with his decision he says that he feels if another baby comes all our illtimes will move out.if we do decide to adopt a baby girl how long the procedures will be and what is the safe procedure to adopt a child.
     
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  2. ashwinispace

    ashwinispace New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I just dont understand the need for adopting a child when you have already two. Now a days it is difficult to give good education and a better life for two children as eveything is expensive. It is always good to adopt a child if you dont have a child of your own. Will you be able to give the same amount of love/care/education for that child when you already have two children at home. Think about it again and then adopt a child because the child should not think later why did it came to your home.
     
  3. rahima

    rahima New IL'ite

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    really i am also with the same confussion .after my second child i had one abortion because of my health condition but after that our family is broken and had many hardships to be reunited . my hub deeply believe that if we get that child to home .it will bring the happiness to home. but i could n't make adecision.
     
  4. Sri09

    Sri09 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Rahima,

    Your husband is really nice and kind human being. I appreciate his concern for orphans. But at the same time, thinking of economy, cost of living, education and other aspects, I feel you already are overburdened as you have two children and you have to think about their future. No one knows what is going to happen tomorrow. So, we have to be careful planning their future, saving money.

    Even I wanted to adopt one baby but due to my visa problems and then job issues I could not. I have one daughter now but still think of adopting one. I dont know how far it is going to happen as my husband opposes that idea. But, I found a way. I will choose and help one orphanage children. With the money I wanted to spend on adopted child I can provide some needed things for many kids in that orphanage (like clothes, toys, books, some special education). For this idea, even my husband agreed. We also started doing that helping economically poor children by providing school dress, books etc. As you live in India, may be once a 6 months/year you can visit an orphanage and give those children some gifts or clothes, story books, food etc. etc.

    Sri
     
  5. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    Rahima, I can understand why you are confused. Actually, I do not agree with your husband that another child will sort the situation out. In my experience, a child is additional responsibility in terms of time also. Adjusting to a new child is going to put some stress on your family. If the situation is just settling, I would suggest waiting. If you want a girl child, the wait times are longer... may take more than a year actually.
    I would suggest meeting up with the local adoption support group, finding out about how the life of the adoptive parents has changed before you take the decision to go ahead immediately.
    We also want to adopt a second child, after having our first biologically. Right now, our child is not ready for a sibling and we ourselves are building up our marriage after having our first within a short time of our marriage, unexpectedly. The family has to grow first and take strong roots before bringing children into the picture, I feel. Hope you and your husband are able to reach a mutually agreeable decision.
     
  6. lee50

    lee50 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Rahima,

    I think its going to be very burdensome, knowing that you are from a middle class family while the thought of adopting is a good one, one needs to also think if it will be affecting the needs of your biological children. I think a parent needs to do justice to the biological children first.
    Let alone the problems, I think all of us have problems what I think is the appropriate option if you really think that helping a child would do good is sponsoring a child. There are many institutions Nanhi Kali is one I know, Cry another one, where you can sponsor an orphan and sometimes they even give you the access to the child you are sponsoring. What is more good than give education to the needy. In this exercise if you plan to do it for a year, you can get to know the outgoing and then you can decide if you need to sponsor any further.
     
  7. tiehxoxo

    tiehxoxo New IL'ite

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    Adopting a child is a good choice, for you gave a chance for an abandoned child to have a family. In terms of the papers on how long will it take you to legalized an adoption, you better consult with your adoption agency.
     
  8. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    Giving a good life to orphan children is a great deal
    but in todays world bad economy and unstable jobs high prices ..do you think you can raise three children equally and give them the best...well i dont think so..see help can be done even after few years when your children are grown up...
     

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