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Confused And Want To Help Dh.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rashdes02, Jul 13, 2018.

  1. rashdes02

    rashdes02 New IL'ite

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    I've been married for more than 2 yrs now. To start of all was good with my DH. Even my ILs seemed to be good. They seemed to be a well-off and dignified family. After my engagement I sensed that my MIL was into money a lot. But thought as long as it is not harming me I don't have to bother. Things were smooth till then. My Parents got m married with a lot of dreams for me. In the mean while SIL who is 3 yrs younger than me, things started to take a bad shape. Even after wedding it was never good with SIL, what ever I got for my sister i got for her. She never valued anything, it did hurt me but nevertheless ILs won't play an important role in my relationship. I've been madly in love with my DH, I can do anything for him. He forced at times to initiate the conversation and stuffs with SIL, but I have reminded him of what I have been doing and what response I have got and to value my self-respect. Inspite of this I tried talking to her but nothing worked I left hopes. after getting married my DH & I stayed in LDR for an year. Also during our wedding I felt really bad that my ILs never brought him even a pair of sock n never let him buy anything for himself. and my MIL & SIL got 6-7 sarees each. he never realised this, nor did they get me anything but 1 saree. DH kept telling he had to spend a lot for wedding. not sure what he had spent for. To avoid haze I& my parents kept buying clothes for him for wedding & till now. After wedding MIL created scene that she's really concerned about my career while she was intersted in salary post wedding. Allowing me stay back with my parents. While i'd always wanted to pay all my wedding bills and i did to a small extent. After a year of getting we started staying together. its approx 1yr & 3 months that we've started staying together. things started good with DH. Initially he would help me with household and cooking as both of us are working. after 4-5 months he started behaving weird. he stopped helping me. & as share for money he has been paying for rent, maintenance, electricity & Internet bills and I have been paying for grocery, maid and other households. as a couple we fought and we would make sure we dont go to sleep with turned faces. while resolving issues he behaves crazy and starts banging his head to wall and hit his hand really hard on the bed. I have never seen ppl from dignified families behaving nor in the circle of ppl who i know have behaved psyched like this. Knowing the fact that he's not in a good position in office thought it was out-of stress that he behaved psyched-up. I had never shared this with anyone till day-before yesterday. and off late he finds all silly reasons to fight. we have committed that we'll msg eachother for what we have done. I happen to be at parent's place for 2 weeks which he was reluctant of me going for 2 weeks telling it would get difficult for all of us(not sure how that would all relationships!). I insisted that my mom's health is not good and i have to stay back. 2 days back my health was upset n i was craving to sleep and DH called me spoke normal n before hanging up asked me transfer a part of maid's salary. i felt bad that he was not concerned of my health, i hung the phone and transferred the money. later in the evening he started yelling at me that i dint let him speak. started all his blackmailing dialogues that he's never happy in life, nobody listens to him, he's waste etc, etc. yesterday again he did the crazy behaviour of banging his hand while talking to me for the same topic. My concern now is just my DH, I want to bring him back from negative psychology(knowing the fact that MIL & SIL have dominated DH and never let his intelligence be used of a rank holder in Engg.). He wanted to peruse masters for which FIL was supportive and MIL/SIL never supported. Rather SIL who has been just pass was supported my all to continue master's. I'm happy she did her masters. I'm trying to behave normal and not go back home(was supposed to get back on Sunday). So that he realise that he's behaving weird and has to stop such act. It might turn out to be harmful for both of us with this behaviour. Please suggest if I should go to him or stay back. I dont want to let him down at the same time want DH to overcome this psychic problem. or should i consult a psychiatrist as to how to deal with him. Also, i work from home and hardly get see ppl. to add on my mom's health is not good from a while now. and all this is adding up to mu stress and leading me to depression. Apologies & Thanks for going through the long message. Kindly suggest.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2018
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't have a child in a hurry.
    Not till your husband changes his weird behavior.
    Ask him to see a psychiatrist about his self harming behaviour.

    Right now take care of your mom if she needs it.
    Your husband is an adult who should be able to take care of himself.

    Don't try to explain his behavior as a result of mil and sil's behavior. That is just the easier way out .
     
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  3. Kukudukuu

    Kukudukuu Silver IL'ite

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    Why did you transfer the amount to him ? If possible try to get that back ?
     
  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    First, put your in laws n their drama away, almost everyone goes through different forms of control issues.

    Next, see if you can figure out what happened when he changed, because he was fine n just changed suddenly. Something may have happened.

    Doing masters - he can do even now, evening college, weekend college, correspondence course, there are many options now.

    Self harm / emotional blackmail : figure out if it has ever happened before or if this is really a new thing. It's definitely a bad thing n he needs psychiatrist help.

    Maybe you can tell him that you will come back only if he starts getting help. And it can never happen again.

    It's good that you are reacting to his actions n showing that it's unacceptable. It's important, or he will start taking for you for granted n this can get a lot worse. This can elevate to harming himself badly or worse, you.
     
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  5. rashdes02

    rashdes02 New IL'ite

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    Yes I'm just concerned about my DH. ILs are not forever. DH well-being is my happiness.
     
  6. rashdes02

    rashdes02 New IL'ite

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    No plans of child in near future.
     

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