Confused and Clueless!! Need a third person point of view...

it's just a mismatch between two personalities and you may not feel that connection at least in near feature.I don't know how the life is when we get old

 

that's sad. the current stalemate situation coupled with a negative and critical attitude is taking its toll on your relationship and has an indirect effect on your daughter. right now, there is not a lot you can do it seems, his getting busy is the only thing that is going to turn this around. the criticizing bit you have to address on a continual basis. get some books on the topic and ask him to read them. that much effort he has to make for the sake of this marriage.

 

OP,

It is nice of you to be so supportive of your DH.

Here are my suggestions on dealing with the situation.

You should also learn to plan what you do with the money you earn. I think your husband has a point here. I would suggest you handle your finances on your own.

Why is your husband unhappy now? I guess he came on a dependent visa with you. So, he must have chosen to take a risk by leaving his job, and going abroad with you.

He is nagging you because you allow it. You can be supportive of him, without giving in to him all the time. Next time he finds fault with food, say maybe you're right. So, can we order takeout for today? Or may be say food seems quite good. My colleagues loved this food when I took it to office. Or say maybe you can cook next time and then I will know what its supposed to be like. Or simply ignore. Pretend to be busy with something else. Don't pay him any attention.

Regarding not caring for him much, can you try to negotiate with him? Say you will love to make tea and snacks for him, if he could prepare one meal daily, since you do not have time to prepare meals, snacks and tea with your hectic work life. Preparing tea will not be too much for you. Regarding snacks, you can prepare some during weekends, and store them for eating throughout the week. Your workload reduces on weekdays, and DH gets his snacks and tea.

Granted, he must not be too happy with not being able to earn. But then he should develop new skills that will help when he gets work visa. It seems he is likes to idle time away, while you do the earning.

Do not pay attention to the yelling. Just keep learning to drive. Pretty soon you will be driving on your own.

 

OP, you have been actively interacting with everyone in this thread. What are you planning on doing from here?

 

OP, Loads of good luck to you .
You have picked out the right things to focus on.
Not sure if he could work for home(provide some online training) for some IT company based in India and get paid in rupees. Just throwing this option out.

 

Dear testmypatience,
"An empty mind is devil's workshop" the saying seems to be more applicable to your dh! Although he seems like a reasonable and decent man, the situation is turning him into a bitter and cynical person. I feel for you dear. I hope you come to a solution soon. I know it is a tricky situation. You need to tell him how you feel and do it tactfully so you don't hurt his ego. All the best dear! Take care.... Hugs to u

 

OP,
Good luck to you.

Only thing I want to add is, in your life, when your DH wins, you too win.

( Btw, if you don't like to learn to drive from your DH, fire him. Find a driving instructor. Its worth the money. They are professionals, they know how and what to teach, could save the life of yours and your loved ones. When I came to US, I knew to drive. But I still took classes and whatever I learnt, I haven't forgotten to this date. )

Cheers!!

 

Don't make him sound like a monster. 100 out of 100 men would act this way. This is how we Martians are

:cheers