Confused and Clueless!! Need a third person point of view...

What I meant was that your husband is in a state where many house wives are. He is very depressed. Thats' why he getting a job to his satisfaction is very important for you as well as your DH.

 

You are getting a lot of wonderful advice on the current situation you are in.

It bothers me a great deal that he has always been someone who puts you down. Please read up about emotional abuse. My life was like that. Everytime I heard a criticism i would work on eliminating it and bang! A contradicting one would be there. My selfesteem was super low and counselling helped me a great deal.

I suggest that you work on getting your self esteem back. Instead of responding to his criticisms you need to stop and evaluate if he is being deliberately hurtful. Without reacting to what he says, react to how he says it. Cook as per your convenience and refuse to take the bait when he taunts you. Don't try to please him because he isn't about to stop complaining. Just step back and ask him kindly and politely to like it or lump it. Work on your body language. Learn some stock phrases you can repeat like, "don't complain now." "Back off please." "Calm down and then talk to me" "stop nagging." "Let's focus on bringing some harmony into our home; shall we?" Then for every unreasonable complaint refuse to engage with him or take on board what he is whinging about. Just indicate you need him to put a lid on it. It will drive him mad initially but he will learn if you treat him like an errant toddler prone to tantrums...

All such things you do will really be setting a good role model for your little one.

Regarding your daughter being his emotional punching bag, you really need to firmly lay some ground rules there - bombard him with parenting articles and books about how to raise a confident and happy child. Then make him follow it.

 

some good advices up thread.

there are two issues here. a job and overly critical nature. the lack of one is feeding the other. please address undue criticism gently but firmly and move on. he seems to be a good person overall, support and encourage him during this phase. hopefully he gets his work visa soon and once busy, a good flow is established.

 

actually there is no perfet solution to this.

I try to take care of my physical and metal well being.
Will not take any nagging to heart.Mostly try to ignore it.Your feelings are your thoughts.So I try not to give any thought to hurtful words.I completely treat him as stranger.I know there is a greater damage to word marriage where two people should connected.More than marriage your emotional well being is important.Since you gave birth to kid,it's very important to raise them strong.So I give importance to me and my kids more than my marriage.Because you need two hand to clap.When they can't come together what else you can do.
Before he nags on GC ,you try to nag him to get into some PG.Probabaly that would take his mind off from you.
Whenever possible try to engage whole family in some sports.That may help everyone.
Make your daughter as a strong person and eventually she will handle her father.
First and foremost don't give thought to his words.Take care of yourself.

 

Why is it not an option? unless u have financial troubles and u want to address them quickly by earing more in foreign land, which makes sense..

look the more ur H keeps depressed an angry at u.. the more it will be harmful for ur relation and his well being..

long term depression can change the core personality of person.... so just remember that..

there is one option he can do... he can work for an india company and get paid in indian salary there.. like offsite opportunity.. may be he shud look into that..

 

it's a bit like a nagging wife. it is irritating and saps your energy after some time. role reversals are fine as long as each party is content and willingly does it. not everyone wants to be part of the rat race. however, this is no so in your situation. do you have a network of friends, take some time to recharge. find something that relaxes you. do you you do somethings as a couple. need not be elaborate, just a movie together, share a nice meal. connect at that level. all the best!